Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take is the worst of suffering.

Aww man! Say you love monday! Say it! Okayokay, do bear me for being that high, since i've been one since i-dont-know-when, people just claim that imma always high but i think it started ever since class chalet? Hahas, so sorry but i really got no mood to post about last week, been rather busy :) & Imma having very exciting days going on! Ohh please, say you are jealous eh! I really wanna say out loud that imma loving someone cause imma really that crazy!!! But oh well, hahas! Why is my friend sleeping so early in the night?! Darn it, not even replying my message. I really find my life something like the Cyndi Wang in the Momo Love, okay, maybe you dont know whats going on and who are the actors in my story thats all :) That show is freaking nice but i always watch will wanna cry! Then I feel that the Summer in 500 days of Summer, her perpective towards relationship is so like mine!!!! Okay i admit i do love someone, but i dont wanna be anyone's something beside maybe some larh. Hahas! Imma high!

Lets talk about today! Short and simple :D
Mum woke me up at 7am? But i told her that imma not going school for maths project so i off-ed my alarn and went back to sleep :D Darn it, then Chonghan say he going! I thought the other group, the 3 guys not going lurh! Didnt expect only Jeremy never go! So Xinyi woke me up at 9am! Darn it, i was sleeping so soundly :) So sweetly and she woke me up! I didnt even pick her call or reply her message :D Hehes, i like :D Maybe if she is a guy then i will :D Hahas, that what i did today! Xinyi, mai sad okay? Hehes. Then I was busy waiting for replies and i couldnt get back to sleep, maybe i didnt felt good about pon-ing. So since, Chonghan say i can rush there since it was like 930am, i know imma already late! I called Xinyi up, darn it, should have listened to her and not get her to ask if Lye wanna me go! Rush within 30mins? Proud of myself :) Never eat or drink milo lurh! Hehes, missed the 157 cause i was lazy to run and thoughts its 174! Lucky I board the second bus :D I still ate 2 raisin buns and had a third of a bun in the bus! Hehes, hope no one saw the unglam me, i do hope someone didnt saw it :D Then when i was getting down, i was darn stupid! Cause i was standing at the doorstep when someone touchedpoked my shoulder, abit pain can, first person came into my mind was Xinyi! Stupid right? She dont even need to take bus to school lurh! Its Andy Tan Chun Chiang lurh. Really dumb to have Xinyi coming into my mind first. Hehes. Then it was like 10:10am? And went to classroom machiam no use one lurh! Never do anything, if not cause of the message i wouldnt have gone to school, but at least i saw someone unlike someone who didnt get to see anyone :D Hahas! Dont jealous okay! So i darn regretted going to school today but at least the next 2 session i wouldnt be going unless someone will be going or someone will be going to school or my mind have gone crazy, so till then :) Then I went home and bought xiangdi meefen! I like! Watch half of 500days of summer! Gosh its freaking horrible! I dont know how imma going to continue watching the next 40mins lurh! & went to tuition, i was punctual :) Unlike the rest, but today the Chongs seemed quite piss with Andy :( & ChakKwan :D Hahas, anyway, i had a marathon of tuition for 3.5 hours, and i find it not bad :) Aaron and Adrain lucky lurh, no Amaths. Anyway, somehow i find tuition mood not that good leh for physic :D Esp Aaron, like moodless, guess its tired barh and Chong seemed to go against him for those physic questions lurh! Siao one barh, hehes. Dad came to fetch me today :) Since the other option was walk then mrt then bus. Hehes.

Hot Shot is on now! But Mum is watching her taichi! Shall watch the TWdrama that xiaozhu acted in it after i posted the last 2 days? :)

Da dang, da dang, da dang, da dang, da dang, da dang (lol, i dont know how the pink panther tune thingy sounds like! No childhood!)

Hehehs, after much smsing :) I think i re-love someone alreayd. Really thanks to the person who has been texting me for 4 days straight. Love ya :D & Because of that, i decided to re-love, to feel the love again, in short, gates open(if you get me.). Aww man, short post for today! Romantic Princess is back at last!. Message just came in :) Anyway, today i was a pig and was supposed to wake up at 8:15am, dragged till 8:50am, though dad did called home! Bah! Anyway, was 20mins late for taichi, 9:30am starts,  but i went out of house that time! Lucky i didnt wait for bus! I reached, the bus also havent came. And And And Daddy was really nice to accede to sis's request to go Kluang and fetch Mummy, thought they got their own transport already! He mentioned that we very long never go there, though we dont really like there but its still Mummy's hometown and i miss their chendol! And i wanna go Ayer Hitam! Meaning, i must bring my digital camera! Anyway, i find Calvin Chen from FeiLunHai really shuai! Going crazy! 1st is Wuzun then Arron? or Aaron? Then Jiro and Calcin! Cant believe what i said years ago really happened! Back to my drama and handphone :D

Henry, Happy 21st Birthday!

Today, woke up at 10am, but i slept longer by 30mins :) Hehes, short post cause imma going to watch Surrogates very soon :) Watched for like 30mins, and watched Momo Love since Dad was very tired and need to sleep :) Waiting for someone's message too :D Went tuition punctually and had 2 small berry breads for brunch, pro right? Then tuition was ultra slack! Did 3 questions only and had to stay back after my physic tuition on monday! Wth? Waited at the bustop opposite Lakeside MRT for Daddy and went to eat at 500+ Jurong Green? Not the Hong Kah East de, dont know is spring or green! Ohh well, had craving for roast duck but didnt ate it, had dumpling noodle instead :) Home-d, and watched Transformer 2 :) I dont get what it is about lol! Until halfway i sort of get it, but must rewatch Transformer first :) After that, Dad and sis was hungry but i wasnt! Cause Dad washed a fruit for me, and my itchy hand went to grab a pancake with lots of peanut, when i wasnt hungry! Totally full can, so we went to Chinatown for raw fish :D :D :D Raw fish was like my dinner? Then share porridge with Daddy, he had a worse time man, cause he bought 8 cheekueh but i didnt ate it, except for a quarter of 1 cheekueh =X Hehes, fattening. On the way there, my mood was undescribable can :) Not cause of him this time round :S Sorry but... hahas it your fault. Eat lerh jiu homed :D Cause we planned to watch movie but oh well, dad is tired. IMMA TOO! but sis refuses to let me sleep, cause she wanna watch wocai when we are having a 930am taichi lesson tomorrow! I wanna go to bed soon! Will tried to update all events on this week soon! Try to :D

Not fair! I wanna go clubbing with my cousins! :S

I freaking love me hunkies those hunks(not forgetting you) :) :) :) They are just so oh-so-surpris-able! Always making me smile even though these few will almost upset me with all the unexpected shocks! HATE IT! Nonetheless, i do whine and complain about them :D Gonna spam posts tomorrow, close to 7
:) #26a is up but undone :) Sleep after Hot Shot ended since i skipped the last two eps, tired! But cant stop getting scared by yesterday accident!!! Somemore Mochamocha saw the flying part! HOW TO SLEEP?! POST TOMORROW :) sweethearties.

BAD SORE THROAT! HATE IT!

To think i have got time for laptop, okay 2 hours the most till 10pm. Totally kills me when i think of tuition from 8pm to 10pm, luckuy got dad to drive me there later :) And my muscles all hurt like siao lurh!

And and and i have not pack my bag for chalet, i always take super long to think what to bring, in case not enough of this and that, then scare over there cant buy, that is why imma not suitable to be a camp-er. :) Guess I was too rude yesterday to be like flaring online when someone is just being concern, maybe cause to me he is just a normal friend that irritates me, asking too many questions!!!

From 6pm, i say i will pack at 630pm and now i say i will pack when imma home! Thankfully, my fever subsided before tuition :) But headache =.= At least i wouldnt have to lie ALOT about not being sick :)

Darn surprised by darling's message, but i guess it doesnt make me that happy anymore cause of S, always thinking that S hinted to darling. So where has over strong bond flew to? And my conversation with Wynie just ended -.- LOL Whats with everyone close to be being that busy while imma like still okay?

Before I sleep and couldnt post once i woke up(in case), I shall post now, a quick one :D

Not that tired after having my 2 rounds of medicines and 3rd one coming soon. And I backed out of my date to walk walk with Evan but i didnt pack my bag for chalet on wed! Darn it, tomorrow comfirm cham already since i will be having from 3:15pm to 4:45pm(tentatively, but tutor always teach more, and normally at least 30mins extra.) and 8pm tp 10pm for physic, anyway, chong always scam my money so comfirm start late end early, see the difference between these two teachers? One who teach for the sake of hobby and the other for money. I pity those who got introduced into the tuition, this is why i didnt intro and dump the brochure aside =X

Hope I will be fine tomorrow with no fever and not so serious flu to prevent him from suspecting that i've been sick :) After all, i didnt mention it right? Oh gosh, i think you gotta thank ma and praise me for letting everyone to be less worried about me.

Anyway, imma fine? Dont get too bothered by my past posts :) Love you guys always :D

Aww man, imma like still very sick with flu and fever, was rather feverish just now before taking medicine. Glad that i took cause i forgotten about whats going to happen this week.(Chalet and seeing B.) Though i didnt manage to anger someone by not taking it, but i dont really regret since imma still being cared for :) What the hell, now i feel like taking that sentence back. Rather weak lurh, no strength to continue typing.

Update : Its mon! But I didnt do anything lurh. Wanted to pack my stuffs for chalet today but in the end i was too lazy and i even cancelled the walk with Evan! Forget :(

Had taichi in the morning, went to westmall and hall breakfast set. This time round a little more people, addition of Auntie MengFong's relative, the youngest one damn nice and kind kay! Then went home since i was sick and tired and bathed. Hair wasnt dried and went to nap till around 5, then 7pm went to suntec :) Dad wanted to surprise me by having shark's fin for dinner, a feast rather but the shop was gone! It was actually the Rama Thai, moved to somewhere else eh. So went to Crystal Jade for dinner, i and sister had shark's fin soup and mum had fish maw, i think hers tast nicer can! Hahas, but it wasnt that nice, very little shark's fin.

First was about faking as though there isnt anything, then you mentioned about saying it out and now you are saying there it might be a lie, whats all this.

Anyway, flu is really a disastrous, and during tuition i had to consume panadol which i drank the whole bottle of 600ml water and yet i didnt swallow thw tablet, darn it. Its much better but not any better after consuming it, darn. Seriously, my weekens havent been well spent after all the performances my mum had and having and have, i still waste my sunday by watching tv in the noon and napping till evening all thanks to having to wake up early to taichi, oh man, i wish i could go suntec halls tomorrow and then marina square after that.

Later still have to go to Bukit Batok Sec for the performances, boring! Darn it, still had to walk there. Ohh nono, changed to drive there, which is like 100m away? =X

Updated : :) After mum's performance and all the taichi, went to 177 for dinner cum supper, chit chatted till 12+ and went home. Even watched TV till 1+ 2, then to bed, was totally tired.
Anyw, there was this auntie, mum's friend, gave us 3 lucky draw ticket, number was 1266, 1267, 1268, and guess what! We were so lucky and 2 of the tickets, the last 2, was being drawn up :D Hahas, but the cheeky us, put them into dad's shoe, and he lost it! Someone did pick them up! The last one was being picken up by mum's friend who live in the block next to us. Hehes, it was just 2 basket of fruits, but they dont come cheap can! :S

DUMB ASS! HAVING A SERIOUS DARN FLU NOW!
HOW AM I GONNA GO TUITION LATER?!

I was at home the whole day, using laptop from 130pm to 7pm, and i took freaking almost 2 hours to view all the prom's photos! Waste of my time, partly due to my laggy lappy, guess it just doesnt like huayi (no link!). Okay, shockingly? I only had dumplings for dinner, and some korea kimchi dumpling. Off track!

At 8+ went over to Evan's house, we were supposed to go walk walk, but in the end we ended up playing cards, daidi and heart attack, together with Natasha and her boyfriend :) and then around 11, me and EVan ended up viewing of prom's photos and painting our nails, to be exact i played with the 4 colours and helped Evan painting her right hand! So I went home at like 12+, woah, tired.

Once I reached home, quickly prepared for bed, 15 mins only, i think its fast already. However, I felt damn bad for not onlin-ing at 10+, had a 'great' time at Evan's house that i forgotten to inform S about it =X Hahas, seriously i think this blog makes me flirt-er, cause of my friends' name being mentioned, and somehow i dont like it cause i wouldnt want anyone esp _ to like misunderstood me lurh!

I only had 4 nails painted, gosh later there's tuition, freak it and erm my nails gonna make Chong talk alot! &&& I forgotten about my dates within these two days! FREAK!

Trust me, i thought i've gotten over it after some times, but i realised that i havent, and i know the remedy to it its a heart to protect mine, but whats with _ being so busy! I seriously hate that, i hate it that _ doent even have the time to visit my blog, maybe he did just that its aft midnight. Seriously, my heart ache alot, the tears that fall without warning, the scream that i couldnt control, the feeling is just so unbearable, so painful. Every now and then i started to give that face, that very painful face and next tears started to appear.


And now i dont know why imma aching, is it a matter of heart? or a matter of time? I meant the stress imma feeling now esp when O is over, ppl getting their results, leaving school. Next its my turn, and imma just too lazy to study now.


Even going out doesnt please me.

Ohh man, since last night, before i gone to lala land, i just realise that i wronged someone. I even quickly msg S to inform him about it, we had wronged him! Oh man. Awww, I mean now is not the time for the feel, but even as an aquaintance, its not right to wrong someone isnt it?

Last night, while chatting, i figured about how he felt. But that isnt the point what, i also dont wanna know about it.

As the main actor, or even a shadow, its not right to misunderstood the things that people done for you, esp for you somemore! &&& Because of the things that they done for you, you mistooken that they are flirts, which is worse! Okay larh, he is but i cant say he is because of the things he done for me marh! Aww man!

I know what it means already, darn you! make me heartbroken for a week, now i understand! But it doesnt matter how much it excites me, cause i have only 1 space for 1 person, sorry. But imma still pretty happy about it :) Find your girl soon :) <3

Awww man, just check up the daily horoscope, how true!

Scorpio (10/24 - 11/21)

Love:
Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.
[Too slow till buaytahan liao lor!]

Career:
Avoid making promises you can’t keep, someone might use them against you.
[Hahas, only people who dont keep promises find fault in my promises -.-]

Health:
You may suffer aches and pains in the coming weeks.
[How you know? So zun de. but its coming weeks]

Wealth:
Consult professionals about all your money decisions – avoid dealing with finances on your own.
[Think more suit my daddy, since he is a scorpion too :)]

Okay, last night was chased to bed by S! :@ Hehes, guess i was desperate for Hot Shot, hahas. So I went to bed at like 12+am, and i cant get to sleep! Its always like that de lurh! Its like, everytime i wanna sleep already then i will get out of bed and walk out of the room, when i go back to bed, its like 'idiot, i cant sleep liao!', hmpf. (Suddenly, imma damn desperate for an elder bro :S , i find it damn sweet lurh!) Thats what happened to me that very morning! So I guess I was on my way to my lala land and Dad had to wake me up! Darn wanting to skip, but oh well, imma a good girl.

Darn proud of myself to be able to wake up and attend the event :) By the way, i was supposedly to be punctual in meet Zuraida and assembling time for sport leaders, when the arse bus driver, i remember his bus number plate okay! TIB 999 B! Tmd! He drove at the speed of 10km per hour just because infront of him waws another bus 187, so darn freaking wanna bash him lurh, that bastard-ic uncle. Felt so bad for making Zuraida waiting.

So I met Zuraida and Umar at Lakeside Mrt the washroom there & we walked to Jurong Lake Park. Saw like 3 sport leaders along the way :) So we walked all the way to Chinese Garden entrance just for breads and milo -.- Then we walked all the way back to the assemble area. Oh well, nothing much except for slacking at the inline skating aseemble area. Oh gosh, you would never expect the world to be really that small, for me to bounce into someone(Anyway, right at the botton i guess i will be hurling some words again thanks to this person.). Oh man, you never knew how embarrassing it was for me! Gosh, the person that i wanna see, i saw, the person whom i really miss dearly and hoping for his surprise wasnt free. Haish.

And so the 10 helpers who were supposedly helping me and zuraida apparently went MIA! We even had to get non-sport leaders to help out for inline skating. Pathetic! But Cheong didnt give me any instruction and it was later on then he apologised, seriously i dont even know what the hell was Lui doing over there, but guess its thanks to her that we got helpers who werent in the list the xunbin sent to me. Erm like, RuiQi, Huiting?, Kelly :D There were another 3 guys, and apparently i dont know their name, just some kiddos? Just that they(taoguang and 2 other guys) are good to be guarding the most dangerous part, okay but i didnt do any spot check, so like i will know if they're doing their jobs, i mean for those guarding larh, which is like 9 people to guard the whole stretch of road. Anyway, still gotta thanks for their help lo. Since its like what i did the most was walking around, being bbq-ed under the sun, gosh! Thats was really my first time in 2009 and being 15 to be under such a sun! Sunblock didnt seemed to be useful for me.

Okay so what i did was easy to remember, after slacking the the assemble area for the skaters, i went walking all the way to the Chinese Garden Entrance with Umar :D Meanwhile, i saw Liting! Oh gosh, thought she wasnt going lurh. Hahas. Anyway, witnessed the sec 3 girls running at the starting point. With Chia too, damn [wah heng, i thought the post was gone and when i wanna retype, i checked again, lucky its there!!Scare me!!!! Its like 1000 going 2000 words post?] what lurh! Cause I saw a line at his back, so I told Umar that it looked like a bra! Wth? Umar also darn curious and go check it out and told him! See! I told you, its like a bra! Hehes.

Oh before that, i think I and him went to take 3 packets of milo for myself, him and a 'sick' girl -.- Before slacking again and walking. Hmm, its like walk there and walk back. Then we walked the inline route, but its like what the hell! The very sunny sun loves me so much that its shining onto me! Lol, like you get what imma talking! Walked till the skaters need to skate to the main road, walked back again! Then I got Liming to accompany to walk to Chinese Garden Entrance again :D I just love walking, but i should walk alone lurh! Can do some thinking, it was like 10+ only! Then I proceeded to talking to Yvonnne, Yeesan they all at the skaters assemble area.[Probably because imma blogging, i havent been touching the keyboard for a long time, that i had sung birthday song for daddy, ate the birthday cake and before that taking photos!]

Then i kpo-ed at the ending point for skating, and i saw a friend of my and i just walk there, erm, cant remembered. So I ran up to Xinyi and got her to walk walk with me. :D Hehes! Then while walking, saw many skaters fell! Scary! Then I helped out by giving the chips :) Not long then everything ended. Since 8 people went MIA and the helpers came back without any notice, no wonder Lui was mad. Anyway! Wth, was that i was too happy with my sms that i went 'yes! Yes! YES!' Stupid! Then when soonkeat did something, and i said that, pumping! Tmd? Anyway that taoguang who laughed also deserved it by having to do pumping! Hahahahhahahahaahahhahahas! Okay guess i've been hyper active since last night!!!!!!! Crazy!

Then briefing at pavillion then assemble with class then briefing again. I dont mean to say but i think i should say lurh, even if any teacher visit my blog i think i should just say that Lui is damn 'jian', damn lihai seriously, cause we got 9 points missing from all the teachers, she wanna do pumping, seriously i was hoping to watch a show, a show that teachers are acting. Darn arse, though i was damn shocked but i think those kpos shouldnt have initiated to do cause i wanna see her doing pumping! Okay i shant elaborate but she was playing mentality game with us can! Not I dont like her, is i dont like the way she does thing. &&& when no one wanted to take over the chips, i initiated! But she accused me of putting the chips disorderly when i just took over the chips from Kelly and looked at the number to make sure they are in order. Tmd? Wth?

Okay okay, i shant elaborate too much on it, before someone go kpo and tell the teachers (elaborate later). And the gift from our senior, the sandwiched! Wth? Took 4 in total, 1 in the morning then briefing, everyone was forced to take 3 cause its a gift. Seriously, asking me not to stand under the sun is then a gift! Seriously those who were guarding i damn admire them :) By the way, think i was supposed to guard, but early in the morning then i was told by syafiq to bring over the skaters from assemble area to 'starting point' and i requested to be with Umar for the starting of ths skating but everything went different, cause starting point wasnt the place that everyone told us!

Briefing end at 1230pm and walked to Xinyi's, accompanying her and then i walked to Huayi, after that i think i elaborate much enough in the previous post :) I dont feel that hurt anymore, thanks for concern :)

I already had two slices of cake lerh! =X

Home-d, bathe-d, laptop-ed and did the laundry! Quick say Li Qing is a good girl! I helped my mum with laundry for a few time already can! Think when i become 15, i really grow up. Imma a good girl! :) Then I laptop-ed and slept from 320pm to 620pm, what a nice girl imma, LOL! no link!

Anyway, when i woke up and rest, i nearly wanna scream for mummy to get a tazi to send me to the hospital!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My leg went damn pain till numb, not those numb but you should get me so pain that is intolerable, and i have no choice but to use ice pack but it doesnt help much anymore. &&& Now there is a sharp pain every this and there. WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!! PAINNNN ARH!!!!!!!!!

Okay, time for elaboration!

Decided to let you guys hear a son before proceeding! I know how it feels to be reading a long long long long long post! Hahas, but its my blog, you gotta read cause you know you love me! :) Hahas, but you can skip this part if you want, cause i dont know what words i will be hurling.

I'll start 'hurling' now! and eat my milo later! Anyway i think imma going to be a craze of K-pop soon. Ohh please, dont ever let that day come, just let me appreciate the arts of music :)

Okay okay, so you think you know me? So, you think i ai shang le you? I admit now, i had that slight feeling for you every now and then but i promise i love only one guy. Unless you wanna play, if not you scram off, machiam i will play. Okay, so you think you know everything about your friends who are also my friends? Seriously, people stead or not is none of our business? &&& even if the rumours werent spread by you, you should even continue spreading it! Seriously, i bet only 1 senior of yours saw it! Seriously, now you gotta admit you are flirter than the-guy-i-heart. LOL! Seriously, you're very jian! JIANREN! REN JIAN REN AI, JIAN NI WO SI! LOL! Anyway, stop spreading those rumours about my friend, i can see that he is getting darn pekcek after i talked to him thanks to you. &&& if you really love someone, go ahead, dont need to do anything to show me, go ahead :) I admit that time i wasnt as happy as i was when i told S, but i was sure i was happy cause i didnt fall into your hand but i was a little sad cause i was that near to falling into it, HENG ARH! HUAT AH! Okay Imma toooooo crazyyyyyy! Anyway, dont try to fool around with me just because i cause that tiny weeny feeling for you! DONT YOU DARE PLAY WITH YOU! I WARN YOU FIRST! SERIOUSLY! I've never got so serious before!

Anyway, I seriously hate today. Not even a hi and bye. & I darn suay to keep bumping into him and and and whats worse is that i was darn blur and i nearly knock into him, at least i only touch dao never knock dao. BLUR ME! Okay. & my way to huayi wasnt a good one, cause i got distracted till the lakeside mrt there, and my knee started to hurt till there :) Haish, oh please, dont let what i say to come true, i wanna continue walking with my hands held onto :)

To not spoil the mood of the first post, so decided to post in another post :)

since the moment i first laid my eyes on you
the pain from my past slowly melted away
when i close my eyes i can feel your warm tender touch
it's almost like a dream come true


theres no use in waiting for a miracle
it's our fate to fight all the rough times ahead
i don't have the power to change our future or past
so boy we can't give up

please love me with all your heart and don't let go
as time will heal my scarred heart
theres no words in mind when i look in your eyes
u make time in this world stop

사랑해 and thankful to know you're here
you fill my heart from the emptiness
now i have strength to move on and break free
from all the dwelling i've done

having you by my side is just enough
to make it thru almost anything
walking towards a new day
hand in hand as we're heading
together into a new world


theres no use in waiting for a miracle
it's our fate to fight all the rough times ahead
i don't have the power to change our future or past
so boy we can't give up

please love me with all your heart and don't let go
as time will heal my scarred heart
theres no words in mind when i look in your eyes
u make time in this world stop

사랑해 and thankful to know you're here
you fill my heart from the emptiness
now i have strength to move on and break free
from all the dwelling i've done

having you by my side is just enough
to make it thru almost anything
walking towards a new day
hand in hand as we're heading
together into a new world

even when i'm alone in this darken night
i'd reach out as you put my hands in yours
from this day gonna re-create memories
as we both live together as one

사랑해 and thankful to know you're here (know your here)
you fill my heart from the emptiness (emptiness)
now i have strength to move on and break free (move on and break free)
from all the dwelling i've done (all the dwelling i've done oh yeah)
having you by my side is just enough (o0o0o0o)
to make it thru almost anything (anything)
walking towards a new day
hand in hand as we're heading (hand in hand as we're heading)
together into a new world

LOL,  found from the web, while i find till darn meaningful, okay larh, i admit its almost like what imma thinking now.

Anyway, somehow every now and then i wanna cry out loud. No way will i look for darling, no way. Must refrain myself from it, i dont wanna darling to see my tears man.

Anyway, i did something which i feel is 'meaningful?'.
I walked from Jurong Lake Park to Huayi :D
Then I nearly lost my life cause i was too into what xinyi said, and then i conclude that i dont know whats the feeling of love.
Then I realised how painful it is for me, but i couldnt let any tears off. What the hell?
Then I didnt took my umbrella out, drenched in the drizzle. Half an hour later, it poured.
By the way, i realised that being drenched is the best darn thing that i could ever ask for, because thats the only way to let out everything, cry as jialat as you want, scream as loud as you want. But for sure i can say, your tears can never be seen.
Tmd? Just now listen to this particular song, 'hei se chi bang' and i can like so jidong dao cry? tmd?

Okay larh, i had my revenge. & I guess many hated me doing that, being that arse. Who asked him to offend me by even trying to have the thinking to toy with me? What the hell, dont ask who ask imma not that devoted. Tmd? I guess no one can understand me, thanks to my personality -.- and character and thinking! Tmd? I think I can go be actress liao, always acting a strong front, then when cant take it then hide one corner if not is blog until mad just to vent or rant.

I be frank, if you really think i have got a thing with any guys that i mentioned before/once or whatsoever, i have nothing to do with them now. They are just some 'toys' that i placed nicely into the bin :) Thats an example larh, imma not so 'jian' kay! Just too addicted to the word 'jian' :) I realise that everyday i would hope for time to reach 10+pm cause thats the time S will be online for me to share my happenings. &&& Imma hopping for him to be online now, cant wait to share my revenge :)

Aww man, imma missing someone out of a sudden, not really, its more a routine for me to miss him :) Awww. Hahas. Hope tomorrow walk with Evangeline will be one that i could get everything outta my heart. Its too heavy already. Act too much is the result of not knowing what to do? No larh, just that i was too greedy to befriend with those guys, should have remain at the stand that i was at that point of time. But oh well, everything is kinda 'fine' since i throw those 'toys' away and all i had to throw now is the shadow of those 'toys' :) What an apt example :)

Shall update about today's extravaganza later :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY! :*
I may have been really bad at times, but maybe all were done for your attention :) You know many things need not be said out, deep inside you know what i means. All you need to know is, you're the best father that anyone would have wished for, esp when all of my friends are so jealous of me having you as my daddy. The only thing i wanna say is that, i love you daddy! :) :*

Oh freak, i injured? twisted? sprained? hurted? !#$^&*($^&*( whatsoever to my elbow that area! Pain like siao.

Must be from the cursing of others. Aww, i shouldnt have cursed LOL! 
&&& imma independent now, meaning no more care from him anymore. :S

You may think its a pity for me, but ohh well, r/s is nothing when what is left is responsibility :S

10:+ now. Ohh man, im like freaking hungry today, guess i got nothing beta to dooo!
Grabbed a mango pudding and eating it now, been in the fridge hidden for decades, how daring can i be to eat ittt. LOL, its not spoilt larh but imma not surprised if i get any tummyache or sth and not go for Extravaganza.
I cant wait for S to be online and then i will be as crazy as ytd, or as mad rather, and staring hurling curses at the mutharpurker(if you manage to understand what this is, [split the syllabus]). Imma sorry boy, but seriously you disgust me alot!
Mummy is making Daddy's birthday cake. &&& I bet Dad has forgotten his birthday, oh please, make sure he forgets! By the way, he saw the nude cake without its cream, so yeah. Unless he played along with us and not ask us if not he comfirm forgotten!

Oh man, guess i gained few kilos today. Hmpf.
Whats with me having pineapple juice(canned) yesterday, felt damn fattening. Today, worse! Craving for YongTauFoo after having if for brunch and dinner! Then i even had half piece of cake, mango pudding! What the.. Whats worse is that i've been sitting on the sofa facing my laptop from 11+ to 10+(which is now), with an interval of 1hour break for packing my study room and 30mins for bathing. Tmd? Lazy pig me!

Why aint S online now?! I wanna hurl curses at that guy to him! Right after i posted this, he onlined!

Oh freak, i really twisted my elbow, a slight move and it hurts %&*#^&* times.

Aww man, i havent pack my bag for tmr and many many others! tmd?

I just cant pluck the courage to be like (____ ___ ___) and selfpraise herself all the way, pulling others down. Why can she pull herself down too? Making her blog so unreadable cause everyt is so not true.


Mommy, i really wish to turn time back, i promise thats the truth, i really wanna know how cheerful etc i was when i was a kiddo. I regretted about those very negative stuffs. I regretted. Every mommy been thru the pain of labour and yet its really very saddening to know that your kiddo wanna die, i understand it. I really do. Imma sure i wouldnt wanna give birth next time and now i really know how great parents are. Daddy having to work for family etc etc. Upon knowing your kids being such a person, its really saddening. I finally understand the whole thing! :*

I admit, ever since her appearance, my status has been felt threatened, yes not only to you but to you too! Please, i dont mind losing the latter but not the former. <3 I wouldnt wanna end up losing both for being greedy in the past :S

Aww man, Imma still stuck infront of my laptop, watched ep 2 and hald of ep 4 of Momo Love. Slow, then i drifted to Linyan's tumblr (Linyan, now you know i read your tumblr, dont accuse me of not going hor! btw, i realised you did came to my blog. :S) Totally shagged, i havent pack my stuffs, stacks or ratehr mountains of paper to be cleared in the living room or even the kitchen! Damn me, untidy! Thanks to examination and my laziness!

Anyway, *hops around*, super happy, cause i got complimented for being unique again :)
Shawn said : eh ur life ar, v unique lo. actually its ur personality, ur e first person i know who does not wan to stead wif e person she/he likes/love and likes to keep it challenging (& whn i say abt taking it as an compliment he said yea it is barh!) & he continued saying 'thn i talk to u will make me think alot, like at diff point of view'

You see, i got evidence okay, unless you wanna me printscreen larh. Oh man, this is my latest compliment. Anyway, i think about what he say, many also know liao lurh. But its really nice to hear from others that imma unique (You see! I told you! IMMA UNIQUE!) and i always make people think differently :) For example, they always think must walk main road and straight to the venue, but i say walk thru the forest, bare footed to that venue. Okay, imma not good at example but you get me right? Aww man, too proud of myself already =X Hahas, but i really need to thank him for allowing me to see the wolf in the sheep's clothing Oh dear, i forgotten all my idioms, similes etc etc etc! Time for revision? Uh, like i will. Got the urge to get my friends out, but guess too tired for tomorrow. Extravaganze tomorrow, not looking forward. BUT IMMA DAMN LOOKING FORWARD TO TOMORROW TOO! DADDY'S BIRTHDAY! I realised that my birthday was only celebrated with a cake and no dinner? LOL, i suggested for this weekend when my mum say it should be more appropriate to celebrate dad's since its his birthday tomorrow? WHAT?! I need to give way again? *pout* Hahas, imma okay lo, just got craving for buffet, been having cravings this week (xinyi, bu yao luan luan xiang okay!) . Then i save my ticket to shark fins till dec? Hahas, since after the buffet, either i get sick of good and nice food, if not its craving for more. LOL.

This month has really been a month where i've been waiting for all sorts of replies.

S, it doesnt matter whether imma neglected by darling or not, what matters most is that our r/s is not strained and we know that we are the top (of the world) in each other heart, since you claim you're leaving, i dont mind 'lending' darling to you this holiday, and if i dont get jealous, i'll be very abnormal. I admit this holiday might be a boring one since i given up hopes on those guys, but it doesnt matter. :) Anyw, about the one year thingy, dont brood too much over it, its just imma leaving :)

Anyway, imma very puzzled by why no ones talked about Henry's 21st birthday, dont tell me on that day he've got duty to do and no party! :S

Add-on : Freak you boy, i seriously hate how it felt to be played. Wait, i wasnt played, but thats the word i should be using, i make sure you die horribly -.- Now i can comfirm how flirt you're, lucky i was mentally prepared thanks to S! Shit you! I freaking hate you, make sure dont pretend nothing happened(oh well, nothing did happened)! I mean the way you toyed with feelings. Yes, i admit within that min i thought the feel was there, but ____ was still in my mind okay! (wait, wait, wait! I know you guys will link it back to B.! No no no! Dont accuse B. kay.) Freak, i cant believe how close i was to being made use. Gosh now i freaking heart Shawn. :) Better tell S the good news later! :)

p/s : Thats the advantage of talking to guys to know how males feel :D Lucky me!

Not knowing whats important in your life, may end up causing you to lose it.

RANT AGAIN!

Okay, please stop judging me and say imma a flirt can. You guys should know how true imma okay. In between what happened, doesnt matter, as long as the starting and ending are both happy derh, jiu okay lerh what.

Most importantly, i dont like how flirt you are, and tried to be innocent infront of me, unknowningly i was (almost) being played by you. This time round, imma not going to let you off, no no! Devoted! One and only! Man I need to drill those words into my mind.

Really need to thank S for letting me seeing his true colour. But then hor! Up to now imma still siding with him though he is nothing but my friend. Why am i doing so much? Theres nothing between us and yet imma reacting like this, reminds me of someone again.

I tried to side with his caringness towards other zhabor, i tried to side his wilfulness etc etc. I tried to side that imma not being played, i tried to maintain my stand that i never once had any feel for except for that min.

Anyway, i didnt know the way i talked to him may make others think that i want him alot, seriously thats my way of acting 'coy', guess only S know what my 'coy' means. Yeah so, if you think i really got feel for you and you can play with me, saddening i hate you and i still prefer <3.

Boy, i seriously freaking hate your way of playing with girls, seriously i hope they can flirt till you go merry go round. Lucky, I was smart to talk to S about it and i know what is happening! Feelings do make one go merry go round! Machiam you understand what i mean! HATE YOU!

<3Imma so sorry , i didnt know what happened last week! Now i know, i know what it means when you drew that face already. you know i<3you.

Wth? I freaking hate you man, ask you go away jiu go away, now i really wanna say dont you ever step into my life, you see me? you scram off, dont need say hi :D

Saddening. Anyway, after blog hoppings, i started to regret not participating actively enough in secondary school life, i knew next year this time, daily post would be about how much i regretted not spending time in this and that, wasted time on those stupid heart games. Missing him and her. Spending my days in the tennis table room with DFsister, camwhoring.  Bet table tennis rooms have got many memories for me. Walking home after school etc etc. I know what i will say next year with the addition of my new chapter of life in 2010. Regretting not studying enough etc etc. Then its O level then prom night then i think class chalet again. Its predictable?

Then I will be thinking back about what happened this year, the game. B#$G%#$^A#$%H#^D#^!T#^%! [all different types of 'games']
Last year, my trips to china and india, the fun, and the shoulder that i lied onto, etc etc etc.
Ohh man, there is like excaltly a year more and imma worrying already!

Anyway, stupid Junren asked me silly questions which in turn made me ask someone else those silly questions and then i got angry cause of the coldness i felt and the guai-ness in you(not junren). &&& I wanna another meet up! Gosh linyan is leaving soon! Dad's birthday is coming but i havent buy any present! Sports extraganza is coming but i havent receive the contact list!

During Nov, I would like to watch 2012 with family, since i guess Dad would like that movie.
I would wanna have a well spent 3D2N during class chalet, which is damn impossible. & Imma thinking of asking D. and co. except without the girls, unless cy is willing to go without ly, to places at Pasir Ris there, i dont know is the north, south or east larh! Then maybe at night met up with <3, to accompany me to chalet, unless D. and co. are willing to :) Or maybe they escort me there and then we ton/slack etc overthere. L4D overthere? Heard from Andy, there quite ex, but i guess price about the same as Orchard barh? &&& I must pack my study room tomorrow, then shift all the beds and buy new beds etc etc by this holiday, machiam it would happen; never would it happen man. Too lazy!

Si Junren, scam me with Junwei thingy, machiam its real lo. Tmd. How many atoms are there in the universe? Good question :) So whats the answer?

Thanks to someone, not B. definitely, i really have the urge to leave, to plan for my overseas study now!

Ohh man, just got home frome tuition when my tuition was supposed to end at 445pm and dragged till 545pm, laughed alot thanks to my weakness in pronounciation and i doubt i can pronounce the 'r', must really stretch my tongue! LOL!

I was damn hideous today, red fbt with orange sling bag. Cant believe i took a sling bag, hideous! I ordered a garlic bread which was gone within 5 mins, and i purposely leave some for later :) The good girl, me, went to Prime Supermarket to buy those vege for garnishing, i beg those china people laughed at me, see my princess-ary, yuck here and there, chasing all the flys away, make me more hideous! Collect my bread :)

&&& despite being hideous i was damn wanting to see if my hunkie were at court, from my position i saw one, so unable to overcom emy temptation i went again, and i saw my Jun(s), however i only saw 2? &&& humkies jiu suan lerh, even bastard was there. In my hideous attire with my bread from Pizza Hut and the vege thingy which cost me only 10cent, yes i know, ridiculous! I walked off, meaning just see lerh jiu walk off.

&&& the san-ba me, walked home seeing many san-ba people looking around. LOL, an accident? no one died! & err its merely some reckless driver driving up to the concrete area to a distance of 3m? LOL, and the car was slanting? LOL LOL LOL, that was what i saw withing the walking distance, but i walk off, not as san-ba as though sons of the aunties, who picked up the tiny concrete, broken from the crash larh, and play with me. Damn tempted to run back to see what happened, cause mum's assumption of the car avoiding something, its totally impossible, based on the position of the car! LOL. If i go down now, i can see my hunkies too :) However, need walk 3mins? Lazy? & err, bastard is there! hmpf, Nearly mistooken bastard as Darius, sounds alike!

&&& I took initiative to ask darling out after decades! Okay larh, since my 'big' day. &&& I guesss initiative can prevent alot of conflicts too :) Cause...

p/s : did you guys notice that i stop mentioning someone? wait, did i? :S

What is with tuition, when my homeworks are not done and unsure of the whereabout of my assessment book? LOL.

I guess everything is just about fate, it may seem as though you're reaching your destination, however within that short distance, you never knew what twist could cause you to not reach. It may seem that you're finally getting your hand on the stuffs you like, but before you could get it, someone got hold of it before you.

Lastly, it may seem that you're being cared just as a friend of hers, however, you never knew whats inside her heart. Believe it or not, things are not as pure as what you think. Trust me, i've never see things wrong before.

Haix, thinking that by making the first move, things would be fine. However, it doesnt seem so eh? So, i guess thats the end. Seriously, being influence its the best way to destroy a friendship? As for this case, i see no need no wait or give chance, since its like... none of my business. I chose to give you a chance to aton for your mistake, but it seemed it isnt necessary & so from now on, we dont have to give a single damn about each others' problem. & I can finally concentrate on just one :)

Updated : 1456, sometime i just cant get over it. Nothing was said to relieve my pain, but instead it tones up my pain. Nothing was done to aton. Whats with the 10 letters word? Doubt I can say i cant be bothered, first day that you treated me like this. Freak. Hatre.

Tmd! Someone scared me like siao, but i warn you hor. If you're going to be nasty i will persuade darling to leave you! After all never once did i anger darling, darling's like my baby, so dont you try to be funny, i cant persuade i get darling's family to! Hmpf! Hahas, dont get too serious about this eh.

Today, went to school, early! Met with xinyi, com lab was a waste of my time! Then to market there eat, i damn mafan, Khiameng and Xinyi buay tahan. & theres this guy who asked us to work for Mac, tempted to work but not for Mac, crazy! $3.50 per hour and an increment 2 months later? May as well not work, spend my times with my lovely hunkies will be better. Hahas, called Shawn up and i found my pancake! Not that yummy, prefer dad's one and erm, its cold + not as fragrant as Chen's ones! Then home-d, si Khiameng! Dont wanna walk home! Saw YeYang at court :) Never auto say hi to me today, maybe cause dribbling. I wanna someone to play with D. and co., wonder how is the result since he can like stay in air for long (okay, someone must have guessed who is that person.), since they say seldom can one stay in air for that long. Anyway, home-d and laptop-ed and napp-ed before to tuition! 1h and 15min and it ended with 45mins of chatting for Chong to spam my money. Adrain say want leave early also never say end early! + cause Andy never come? Thats why dont wanna teach new topic? He also dont wanna us to do 10YS in tuition? WHY?! Kind of daddy to fetch us :) Adrian say JP not on the way, okay lurh, win liao. & does my sis look like my mum, why Aaron thought is mummy? LOL!

Stupid tuition! Anyway, tibits all the way + tickling :) Stupid, Chong said he gave me permission to tickle/hit Aaron, woah, good one. LOL. Darned Aaron to joke about us in the 1st storey to B2 cause of me being smartie. *inside story* But Imma smart okay! After Kuang's lesson :) After the feeling is gone, i will want to quit this tuition :S Sorry to make that class so gayy! :D What mirror crack, table crack etc. Anyway though there isnt someone to be with me today, but photo seemed to be okay for 50%, hahas. No life one also got the 'died' one lo. Haish, seriously whats happening nowadays? Someone must have caused my friendship with (insert name, not the him you're thinking, i know what you're thinking!) to be like... stranger!

p/s : I didnt know how to talk about this, so i guess i will type it here to be transparent, imma getting emo now. I talked to dad about how cool it is to study overseas with the childhood friend of mine, call her Miss Yong barh. I thought it would be a dream but dad say it could happen, &&& by then we would get a house there and stay together, I mentioned about slacking for a year and then wait for Lucy and we will study and buy a house together. DAD SOUNDED SO SERIOUS! &&& now i dont wanna leave anymore, regretting saying that i will leave in my previous post. I know I cant bear to now, actually i knew it long ago, i cant part with many! :( & the way dad said, seemed like he planned already! Afterall i kept grumbling about being a chinese and singaporean!

p/s/s : & I mentioned to Shawn about something related to ex. Not the EXpensive larh.

IMMA STILL A SMART GIRL!

Trust me, i really thought i could get over you. However, times and times again i tried to say this...
One more chance, we will see how it goes, for i know whats your decision and therefore wouldnt regret mine. However, after that you treated me 'badly'  then i would wanna say forget and quarrel and it became a cycle. I guess I really miss you so...

A moment of folly is not okay, but a moment of happiness is okay.
However, a moment of happiness as in 1 minute is not okay when you knew something even more saddening or rather when you think you think into the wrong path.
I promise i would dash to find D and H right away if i know where they are, i seriously need to hug someone tight now, let down all my tears. I couldnt think of what is in his mind anymore, anyway say hi to my first official day of being independent! (okay, i was happy when i thought of it 2 days ago but not now!) I really dont know what in his mind, tell me please. 2 days ago i talked about protection, now i seriously understand why everyone does it for me, sorry to reject it but i didnt expect it to be such a big thing that i could be feeling that hurt now. (flaring up now again! tmd!) oh gosh, i know the whereabouts of some others but i guess they are the people whom i dont wanna meet anymore or even will we keep in touch. Oh please, bless me to pass my O's with flying colours and i will leave. How saddening, i was freaking happy, jumping/hopping around until when i was too curious and stuck with that question. What is with not getting things that are yours that makes you tired? Wth? Imma so damn sad because of this question, in life how many things did we not get it? Okay, imma feeling damn low last night when i was stuck with that Q, and i find the need to post, i really wish someone and appear now, skip his leisure for me. I really cant stand NOVEMBER! Last year, around 2 to 5 days before 16th Nov, during this period of time, i was crying profusely, once again, history repeated with different actor this time. :(
I cant help to ask, why must you be that busy with those stuffs?
Imma also that curious to know more, getting hurt in the end. Not seeing you for a long period of time, may not be a good remedy either, what would have happened if i went to see you instead and not walking off with questions in my mind???

Oh man, say you love ma and congrats for getting my feel almost totally back! LOVE ME PLEASE!
Oh well, those bitch/whore/jerk, theres no need to be happy for me, i dont need it. (you know who you're).
& to those protecting their loves one, i dont need them either, scram off please.
I freaking got those feel back, too happy already!
BET TOMORROW THE MISSING FEELING WILL BE THERE!
Will I see you tomorrow? Imma going school tomorrow! FREAK! BUT IM SO GONNA TO SKIP MY APPT ! OKAY LARH, I WILL POSTPONE IT, hope till next year. Oh yeah man, the feel is back.

I dont need you anymore, cause i found the supposed-to-be feel back.

After like 1 min of happiness, i realise maybe thats the end... Should we part???

Thats so cool, my dad's friends are here and whats so cool is that there is a girl who is also 15 but then its my childhood friend whomi have got no impression, maybe photos have barh, anyway, whats so cool is that we can click off very well :) Talking about education system :D

Updated : :D If I had my Viewty with me just now i would have snapped a photo of my friend whom i dont even know her name, but we really clicked off very well, exchanging our education system etc. Hahas, if she is going to study in SG, lucky me, most prolly we can study together. If not, i and her go to my lovely university! New South Wales Uni, okay i dont know if i get its name right, but i freaking heart that schooool! Maybe i could work for a year, wait for Lucy, another kiddy younger than me by a year, childhood friend too! Then we go study together! Buy a house and the 3 sweetie pies staying there, clubbing, outting, in short have fun! Gosh, we will be like our daddies! Having been very very very close friend since i-dont-know when, and so as their princess, we will follow that 'tradition' :D Oh gosh, say you love my character!

Okay larh, ever since Uncle Chay and Uncle Yong and Dad have been working in different companies, but it seemed their friends are interlinked and those people working with them in the past seemed to be contacting each other still! Gosh, I love my daddy! Its his birthday soon, 19Nov, now i need some guys to accompany me to buy present for dad, cause i dont know guys' taste =X

Somehow i dont wanna grow up too, i wanna be my parents' little girl.

Anyway, today after taichi, went to westmall, was like grumbling about going home late, as in 1pm, cause 1pm is the time where Romantic Princess will be showing, however! TODAY DONT HAVE! & we happened to see Uncle Chay there, hahas, just in time to open the door for him :D Went to bathe and i heard some auntie voice, its Uncle Yong's wife, i have got no idea that his family(himself, his wife and daughter) are coming! Dad didnt inform me! Anyway, auntie say i grew prettier, must be some sweet talk again. Its like dont know how many years since she last saw me, before primary school, she was saying 15 years ago. I dont mind if the 3 familys, like 13 of us going overseas, even if its Tioman or Bangkok or Thailand or Philipine, etc. I dont mind! Seriously, comfirm damn fun, esp when money is not a problem :D Spend like siao even better. Then 2+ went down for lunch with them, i mean since auntie kept on asking me down, it wouldnt be nice to reject. After all she is kind interested in SG's education system. Chatted and i promise we kept on ordering drinks. Mum joined us half way thru. Around 5+ Uncle Yong had to leave for dinner with his wife's sis or his sis. Then me and mum went home to prepare and went to Outram Park for Kampong Chicken! Our loves! :D Hahas, first time sitting a 1800cc Toyota Corolla, seriously SG only got 1600cc. Maybe i did, but i forgotten since i've been sitting in like so many cars which i dont even know its model! LOL, so random.

Gosh, went to IMM again, theres Cotton On there, but not a fan of it, find it damn sucky, no different compared to Bugis except for the price? No idea! Anyway, i saw that nice head band there but oh well... I would prefer if others buy for me :) Not ex larh but i just dont feel like buying it. Hahas. Stupid! Ohh man, please say you love holidays but dont wish it to end. I've been saying that holidays are ending, like wth! & I saw Aaron again. Okay, like duh. Its not surprising. Anyway, Dad broke that N97 sample at Singtel, its a toy larh, but he was damn chorlor and broke it. Hahas, i simply love how his and Uncle Chay's character, freaking similar. Ohhh man, it seemed like dad's close friends are more of like my relative. But oh well, guess imma too happy with my life if there isnt something called love relationship, but im fine with it. Too happy with my life :D What am i suppose to do when being materialistic doesnt seem that pleasure to me alreadyyyy! Hehes. Ohh, since we took Uncle's Chay car out, he gotta send us hone. Home sweet home! The best plac ever is my home! (too hyper!)

Aww, second day since we never talk, guess i gotta say bye-bi! :D :S =X

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ! NOW I KNOW MY ABC!

p/s : Imma so going to cancel and postpone my hospital appointment! Say you love me for not going there :D Gosh, if i went to physic tuition today since the Chongs asked me to, then i will be out tomorrow night! Bloody. Whats with tuition?

WHY? WHY IN THE WORLD DO YOU GUYS WANNA CARE ABOUT WHO IMMA WITH ETC? SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS GOT NO RIGHTS, ESP WHEN MY PARENTS DONT BOTHER.? WTH? AFTER TALKING TO SHAWN, I FEEL SO DAMN BUAYSONG, SO DAMN BU GAN YUAN. WHY?! WHY DO YOU GUYS WANNA BOTHER? PLSU IMMA ALREADY DAMN PISS OFF WHEN THIS GUY NEVER TALK TO ME ONLINE AND WHEN I DIDNT MET SOMEONE JUST NOW. PISS LIAO SIAO! FREAKING ANGRY. WHAT IN THE WORLD DID THOSE GOOD FRIENDS OF YOURS TOLD YOU TO MAKE THAT DRASTIC CHANGE BETWEEN US. WHEN WE'RE ONLY A FRIEND, THEY BOTHER SO MUCH. WTH? WHAT IS THIS?! LUCKY I HAVE B. WITH ME, YES, NO MATTER WHAT! I <3 B.

Oh my, H means alot to me day, i mean it can mean happiness, hurt and hope.
At 8pm, went to TradeHub21? Trade something there to have dinner at Ah Lam's. Then to IMM! say YES! :D Hahas, actually nothing much lo, just walk walk, didnt go for mum's performance, totally wasted my day! But oh well, take it as a rest machiam holidays i cant rest larh. & daddy was damn weird, asking me if i wanna buy the food from a shop. Which is the noodle i missed the most from pepper lunch, how suay can? But now never sell already, all the more no reason to go there? & its from pepper lunch. always_wlq says : P E P P E R  L U N C H ! Walked pass to and fro, damn scary can, cause i didnt even wanna walk pass, hahas, and i saw aaron, seriously i went there without even thinking of that can. Hahas, i find it weird for teenage to wear that uniform lurh. Didnt saw Jiazhen though. So thats the first H! If you know the word.

2nd H as in the way im being treated, i really wish i can be the little girl holding her parents hand going to suntec and play the playground whose admission fees cost 10bucks plus per person, missed that alot! No unhappiness/sadness, no crush, no 'no' in life.

3rd H, hope nothing happens to darling :( Wish nothing really happen within this few days. :D Although I dont pray, so i wouldnt use that word. But darling, you know i want the best for you even if it means sacrificing myself :D & Shawn, dont be too sad or what okay? I promise i wouldnt mention B. today to make you sad-der :) So dont sad. Gosh, now i need to think of ways to pacify him, lol, make him dont feel that sad.

Anyway, feeling damn sad since he never take initiative to talk to me today, first time? :( OR maybe a few time but i didnt give a hook then, forget it. (you should know who you're) is still the best :D :D :D

Sometimes, people just like to guess who he is... :S

Hahas! @Zahra, seriously i find dancing that kind of dance is seriously to gay for a guy! Oh gosh, think i will be into him again! =X He looked so stiff! He need to look more man when dancing! =X (i didnt post that video here, save your friend from embarrassement! hehes.) Now imma obesse with this song!

Oh gosh, cant help it but to watch that video, didnt wanna but happened to saw it again! Hehes, nice song though, so shall listen and blog now :D Suddenly i have a feeling of being blessed. :)

I keep thinking... I have also say no to protection but i didnt spare a thought for people protecting me, and now i guess i shall let them protect me. Ever since what happened recently, i learnt alot. Protection aint that bad actually, esp for me :) In terms of everything, dad and mum have been giving me. Just that i dont wanna accept it at times. & now its time for me to hide in their arms, letting them protect me again :D (oh gosh, that song make me them hyper, i cant be that emo anymore :D SWEET~) I mean since, i have enough of freedom, in terms of monetary and material wise, theres nothing that im lacking, love, care, concern is more than enough for me (except for this nov.). Guess its time to plead them to refrain and restrict me from going out. I see how those parents nagged or scolded their child for going home late, i guess im really lucky. But I dont really like eh? Imma not an adult yet leh. But lucky I do know my limits. :D

After so many scars left innerly, i need to protect myself from having more, i need them to heal back. But I still love those that i love. (Chunfong, trust me, i need not share my heart to the extend of mon, wed, fri and tues, thurs, sat. I know where i stands, where the limit is and where my heart is :D , im not that flirt like what they think me to be :D)

Yesterday slept at 1+ 2am, in the end 11+ this morning sis went to wake me up! Wth? & I prepared at like 1230pm, plenty of time, spent on laptop =X Kind of late =X Hehes, Guess RuiQi helped me alot, she was afraid Chong would scold me and I would flare up. Thanks girl, but dont bother but i purposely wanna pick on him, he wanna scold me? Haha, scold larh, see who scare who, Imma a black belter (who is injured), but that doesnt put in to my side, i can still do it! Gek Chong by saying Lye is better and when he said cause of him, i strongly against, and make him believe that i really like Lye alot, i do okay! When he asked, i strongly said NO! Jitao~ He buay tahan me. Chong, you aint a tutor worth for me. If I want, from Jurong all the way to Pasir Ris, plenty of tutors wanna coach me larh, is the cost only what. I also talked back about Liting and Zhikang's case, I didnt say anything, then she say i kanbuqi Zhikang! Tmd? When did i, i was merely laughing inside about how they treated them in the past. Called the girls, bitches, saying what its their lost for quitting and not going ask them to join back and now? $_$ Learnt from liting :D Tmd? They are bitch and bastard that got married together, having the husband as a wimp! Wife like a man, controlling everything. USELESS! Hahas. & their sons like some 'gay'. I cant never forget what they said of my DFsister okay! Tmd. Whore.

But was damn happy cause today i totally dont give Chong face, he tlak to me i act as though i dont know, and he kept saying me and his student form friday class. -.- What does he know lurh? Fan si lerh.

What was stupid is that i replied dad at 4:54pm saying tuition havent ended and 10 mins to 15 mins later i called him and he just got his food. So i walked and chatted with RuiQi and Jasmin all the way to Lakeside Mrt, and Dad called me when i was waiting for MRT, dropped off at Chinese Garden and walked to the opp for his to fetch me. Kinda stupid but hahas, thats fatherly care :D Went to buy buns at 207 there.

Mum's performance today, but both sis and dad are napping! Wth? I should have met Eraine and went to watch Nicholas' performance at Ma____(idk how to spell) Reservoir.
***
Spare a thought for me, you know how important you are to me but we aint spending much time together. For his sake? Hahas, i dont mind letting you be with him since you cant spend much time with him next year, but by then those spare time will they become my again? No matter how important we are in each others' heart, there gotta be a limit :*

***
Many people talk alot, many people act as though they knew everything. Hey hello? You know nothing, what we been through is totally different from normal circumstances, if you think a guy's six sense is more accurate than a girl's then prove to me :D At last i managed to prove to Shawn that he is wrong and yet there are others that i need to prove to. I promise, i will prove to Darius that he is wrong about him and i will prove to the rest :D Really happy that Shawn understands me, afterall i always got into anger whenever we talked about him but not now.

***
& if you think that someone at the age younger than us, cant go home late. How do you explain to me about what happened when i was young. I started going out at like p4? & when i was p4, i slacked at a shop beside the bbt shop with linyan almost everyday no matter whether it rains or shines. Once, i walked home with linyan and we chatted at 169 till 8pm before going home. Is it really that wrong? As in my sis went out after school when she is p5 now? & she always goes out whenever no one is at home, is it really wrong? [its funny for people to say its wrong esp when none of my pri school friends say so.] Okay, i admit i dont like it, cause of bad company. Is it wrong to train someone to be independent? Come on if you deem it that way, its totally way wrong(maybe not). If you think im leading your friend to the wrong path. Then gladly inform your friend that and tell that friend of yours to not get close to me. Seriously, the first move is clearly not me who started, it may be me, but its not clearly. If you deem me as teaching your friend the wrong thing. I be very sad to say, then i dont be friend with your friend :( Imma really say to say that you are actually lecturing me on the matter of age.

Kinda feel like find B. now. Should I?

/Edited :

HAPPY 4 MONTHS AND 1 DAY, SHAWN & your girl! (since its already after 12am.)
No matter what, you must treat your girl the best okay!
Hope next year you guys still can spend more time together!
But stop haolian-ing to me about what she does! I will jealous de okay!

Hahas, online-d for someone sake yet offlined, so shawn is my companion. Hahas. Will update when i wake up since i just got home at 1215 and bathed and waiting for my hair to dry!

Kieran! you good! Dont wanna give me daisy! :@

Anyway, i really hope to get B. to accompany me to Amaths tuition soon, somehow imma really afraid to step into the class till that guy scram off.
+ 3 man were like acting as though as they know me when i went home, scary!
I saw kangwei's dad, alittle paiseh... elaborate soon!

Ohh, so yesterday(13/11/09) after school, there was meeting for the 6 in-charge. Was late because of Lye, some maths project, guess i was too high thanks to someone and when she mentioned testimony, I raised my hand up high in the air, seriously. Hahas, she was damn naggy, nothing much also need us stay back. Then to IT resource room at the 4th storey, indeed a very 'short' briefing by Miss Wong. Haha, went to find Cheong, not around! Seriously, he never contact me asking me to help, etc. Then wouldnt I be useless? In that sense, I wouldnt know what to do on that day, be more auto? Like i will uh?

To SC room, after I posted yesterday's post, seriously we laughed even mad. Jasmin around, even worse. &&& Why in the hell did ChangSheng talked to me! Freak. Huimin wanted to say the 3 words, lucky i stopped her but oh well, how stupid can it be for someone to talk to you online asking if you can see whats the music im listening to? TMD! In the end i lost, she did managed to say love ya. Seriously, say to whoever also can barh? But not that kind of person. Comfirm, paiseh to the max. Machiam i will talk to him like that.

Frpm 130pm to 530pm or 6pm at SC room, till Nicholas came, and we both slacked at canteen till 630pm, 7pm. Ohh, we finally managed to get Kieran to pei us to eat, after much dissappointment from Eraine, Huimin, Jasmin, Shujuan, Millie & Jiaen. Whats with everyone so busy about? Thats not it, I skipped my meals ytd, so i was damn hungry and Kieran's meeting was still on, till to the extend of going to the mama-shop there to have their meeting. Waited till 730pm, meanwhile i and nicholas were talking about biology and the arts school, sound cool eh, then left. Sian, i forgotten about my 50bucks, that was what made me agreeable to not going home. Lucky, he didnt have to watch 2012 at 930pm, spared me from...

So, me, Nicholas, Zahra and Kieran went Jurong Point. :) Rosamund met us there and Kokyong came while we were having Mac. Then went to shop for Kokyong's shoe for prom :D Kieran treat us to donuts, oh well, i prefer the one that Jiazhen treated us to :) Thanks Kieran! :D Bus-ed at like 10+. Gosh, I say Kangwei's Dad on the bus, and before that i was mentally harassed by those men, thai? philipine? or even singaporean? YUCKS! I promise not to go home at that timing whenever i go JP, like i really will? And his dad talked to me only after i pressed the bell, LOL. Abit paiseh, since we dont talk last time and erm, i dont even contact his family except his son for now. Somemore, from some view it really doesnt seemed to be him, i cant possibly like hey uncle is that you when i only see him when he already walked pass me and sat down. I stole a few glance and realised he kept looking at me, so yeah comfirm is him lo.

Then to court, wth? Yiyang and Yiqun didnt go, Boon and Raina didnt go. Sis was there, Chunfong, Simon, Hanwei & his girlfriend and Coach. LOL! Hanwei's girlfriend has a nice curly hair but should be permed, LOL. She does look like my age but she is 20. Anyway, went to Mac again. Sian. & erm, I realised that the world is really small... My bestie eldest sister is chunfong and co. secondary school friend, her parents and family is his neighbour, and second sis was now his classmates girlfriend. It just seemed that everything is linked. Not to mention my friend's friends who became my friends, some do know B. :) Reached home at 1230am, hahas, got Simon to look out a job for me since he said i should work. LOL.

Imma like seriously bored! 1pm no, kinda afraid to go tuition, i should have like told Daddy about it. Nicholas performance later? Or mum's? Is Eraine still going? Zahra isnt.

Currently still in school, SC room. :) Sian, only me, eraine and huimin. If there is more people jiu shuang, then more talks, not so extra and more talks! Hahas. If only they are here.

Stupid, from 130pm to now, which is like going 4hours, i didnt played Restaurant City, Sorority Life and Cafe World. Hahas, Huimin imitating someone, laughed like mad. Hahas. Remember last friday, screamed upon seeing the cleaner. Hahas.

& I wasted my time here not even doing my homework. Hysterically, I laughed like mad thinking Huimin fell straight on to the floor!

Self remainder!

1. Amaths and Emaths Worksheet.
2. Ace-learning.
3. Chemistry/Physic 10-year-series.
4. Revise/Take note on Chem/Phys practical.
5. Inform Andy about his SPA file. (i dont understand why Jonathan cant do it! GAY!)
6. Chinese 10-year series. Paper 2s.
7.  Mass inform Juniors on Sport Extravaganze, get contacts from Xunbin.
8. Check on how to get to Chinese Garden Entrance, where in the world is that place! (Plus Mon I cant get B. to direct me!)
9. Remember that English Worksheet wasnt touch!
10. Read on BaoZhangBaoDao.
11. Social Studies Worksheet.
12. Read through Chapter 5 and Chapter 1, Book 3 and 4 respectively for Social  Studies.
13. Maths Project! Next meeting on 16nov.
14. Hospital Appointment on 16nov at 315pm.
    

Ohh freak, many more holiday homeworks! But I forgot!

( T, scroll down.)

Eventually...
I still flare up.
I did cried.
I did hide my tears upon someone getting close to me.
I still hide my agony behind my smile.

Those laughers...
 I really suspect it didnt came from the inner of my heart, i really thought it was.

I thought...
Those walkings would make me feel better.
Swings were the only way out and thus i didnt played.
Everything was fine, but they wasnt.

Things that seemed to ended off happily, may not make me feel that happy.
I know that my words always offend people(when imma in foul mood) but give me a chance, do you know what imma going thru now?

I realised that, within 6 months of grief, if you dont get over it, you will never.
I finally got my answer to my grief.

People whom I thought to be perfect, can never be perfect for no one is perfect.
& therefore Imma aiming for goals that are unreachable.
Making myself upset over it.

To be off track-ed, i really thought imma okay with my injuries at long as i dont bother much about the pain.
So why do those pains keep hunting me.

The scars... The pain... The grief... The sadness...
Where is the love? the happiness? the laughers? the joy? the care? the concern?

Is my existence even known?
Why do I always stopped showing those tears after less than 5 minute?
Why didnt I continue?
Why did I force myself to pretend as though nothing happened?
Why did I keep so many stuffs from others, that i dont even know whats the real me?
Why do you have to think that Imma fine? I rather you dont!
Why did I flare up at the wrong person! Guess thats the end, no more friendship? Why did we even talked about that 2 person!
Why did I even wanna talk about it!
Why? Why? Why?

Knowing where hurts me the most, yet i visited it the most?
Did i do that on purpose?
Did your friend did that to me on purpose?

T, dui bu qi, :S guess i shouldnt have reacted at that manner. Maybe we chatted at the wrong time, the time that i was already on the verge of flaring, of crying. Blame on your suay-ness, but after what happened, i dont think... Dont think we will talk again barh, think things will be back to how we dont even know each other, the days where we didnt cross each other path. Hahas, guess my reaction really xia dao ni barh *pout*

I learnt that, it takes 5 days to build our friendship but 3 minutes to destroy it. Its always like that, my fault. :(
Moodswings? :( :( :( You're actually much better than what i thought you to be, that means you're extremely good and cause of this you made me even more sad and regret about my actions. Zhen de hen dui bu qi :S Maybe cause of you, i will like dao that girl, or even talk even less to her lerh :(

What the hell, i think i looked damn despo to be hoping someone to be free tomorrow to accompany me for dinner. Mum just shocked me by saying she aint cooking for ME! Wth? Cause she will not be home and my dad and sis will settle themselves. Tmd? ME to settle my dinner? How can it be possible? Imma not that independent lo! Okay, i got people in mind but i dont dare ask, doubt those SCs can go since prom night is coming(you know who you are lurh), then i got nicholas in mind together with millie, next is Darius and co. but if linyan cant make it then i will be the only girl, somehow, somewhat paiseh leh.

Anyw!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIAZHEN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY YVONNE!

uhoh! I forgotten to post what happened in school! Khiameng saw a guy and a girl walking into the girl's toliet, and when liting initiated on going to 3rd floor toliet she kpo-ed and looked out with those guys to see what happened! & we were called to enter the toliet. Tmd? Felicia was there, i damn got the urge to see whats in the cubicle if the 2 girls werent there making water bombs. But i did saw a guy's bag okay! & the toliet damn quiet, somemore hor! those boys from my class were damn daring to go in ok! There were people in there, those 2 girls lo! & i guess the girl and guy hiding in the cubicle! Stupid. Khiameng is really damn observance! Anyway, today's chemistry lesson was awesome! Miss Chiang was not in the right state of mind to be that good to us cause of the other teachers watching her! & Zahra was beside me, and so i was gaga over my hot friend!

ohh! & you know i was that kind to wait for jiazhen at the main gate when i saw her, i couldnt recgonise her! no sense of looks i guess =X Okay larh, i guess wanna self praise myself :D

Anyway, i got no chinese tomorrow! So those homeworks that i owned can be forgotten! Wonder if i will be able to see B. next fri ? :) B. I want to see you on that day kay?

Hahas, I cant wait to get the link to watch my hot friend's dance! I laughed like siao! HE machiam forgotten his move! Hahas, cute, i think i rather dream of him that someone else(not B.).

Imma real mad now, its enough! If you think by letting me be independent is a good thing, i tell you! its not!

If you think its very okay to not reply, then dont! Imma very okay! not.
If you think by acting is okay, then scram off. I had enough of you.

If you think what you did was right, not accepting your failure or sacrificing your studies! You are not right at all! You're causing me to be damn freaking worried! Im even more angry with you neglecting your studies than not caring for me, etc. I rather you dont shock me! I rather you spend more time on studies, its enough. All (insert a-kind-of-work) not done! NOT DONE! How are to going to continue taking pure? Imma damn freaking worried that i couldnt concentrate during sciences lesson! You know something? Imma hoping that i wouldnt be alone like the past few days again, if you get what i mean?

p/s : Did I mention that i nearly wanted to say 'ai ni' to Kuang, hahas, first time i so attentive in his lesson and liked him (kinda).

Whats going to happen to me tomorrow? :( :( :(

It doesnt matter how i react when im not in a good mood, it doesnt matter even if i tolerate everything and smile as though nothing happened. Up to today, i dare to say because of you i sacrifice alot but to think back because its you therefore im fine with it, so friends, leave me alone.

10:04pm...

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