Let's see if I can finalise my thoughts and concentrate on all my homeworksxzsc! There is like chinese compo, english summary + compo and amaths worksheet plus geog research!

Guess Imma smiling more now, so i guess i wouldnt flare up or even break down so easily now :) Its another not-so-typical sunday for my sunday aint mundane but today it is! I spend like 6 hours on msn with just 2 person :) Nice one.

Okay that ain tmy purpose for posting! In life, there are bound to be ups and downs. We shouldnt be feeling too happy for having so many ups because it doesnt make us stronger but vulnerable. We shouldnt be feeling too sad for having all the downs because as time passed, we would know that we've grown up and matured together with time.

But the question is, what about those who are unable to let go of the past, like me? Today, I've done considerably a number of research on depression after not able to accept the fact that Imma diagnosed with mild depression and to convince myself that Imma not, I retook the self test and i got somewhat more than not in the depression state. But I knew the second test was useless but i did it to convince myself that Imma depressed! Okay fine, i even told dad but i didnt told how fearful i was this morning when i woke up from a dream of lectures. He isnt against the idea of me visiting a psychologist or psychiatrist but somehow i was not against it till this morning when i got so upset that I could easily be mistooken as a lunatic.

Imma so glad that the fashion magazine, which i forgotten what it is, Nuyou? actually provides information on depression which helped me alot last night. I finally knew how to mend my broken heart and to fight against depression, which prolly needs alot of determination. So I thought that, why not let me use Eric as the excuse for me to be happy about - looking forward to the day he would be back, but i knew its useless for my heart is still stuck at the same place.

I knew how useless i was, cause i told myself to actually ignore those who dont even appreciate me but i couldnt do it. In the end, i texted a friend to pass a message to him. How useless can i be, no matter what, i will always be worrying for someone who doesnt give a hook about me!

Talking about those who cant let go of their past...
Try to replace your past with something new. Up to now i still miss my grandpa alot but the missing started to lessen only when another kicked the bucket. Not a good example, but the same logic. Find someone better, find something better to replace what you have, what you own or even what you want. No suicidal thoughts :)

Wait! Whats with me typing all these? Ohh, my blog, my say. Who cares.

Sad to say, to be happy or sad depends on individual yet Imma always saying its not because i think imma useless, resulting me to be but its because imma useless. Indeed a very wrong concept,  because who you think you are is who you are & thinking ownself as a failure can be considered as half a battle lost. Maybe its time for me to persuade myself on why i should be happy.

2 choice, happy or sad, needless to say, to be happy is a better choice. Happiness can be the remedy to everyt, healing a broken heart, cheering people up and the list just goes on. Once you are determined to be happy, you jolly well give yourself plenty of reason to. However, once you are determined to be that sad person, breaking down so often, serious moodswing, having suicidal thoughts then you are a failure, like the current me.

However, saddness is part of life? Then most probably i can only say cry when you need to but after that is a new path of life ahead. Meaning to say, after rain, its sunshine. No point dwelling over the past, yeap, like me. The longest period to 'heal' oneself is only 6 month and after that it could be considered as depression, yup, another me.

Guess after all these crappings, i have got more reason to fight against depression!

But the thought of B., can pull me down right away :(

p/s : someone v good hor, ask me wait ended up...

Shall stop talking about all the sad things.
Goal of the month? or whatsoever you call it : get rid of depression by 130210 :)



Its the last day of the month! Time really flies. 1 month down and i didnt study for 'O' Level when there is already people counting down! :)

This month I guess its really a rather happening month.

• Super sad cause of James.
• Texted just to get rid of the sadness from James.
• Visiting James rather often that his dad was so touched. :)
• Went M'sia every Sat -.-
• Going berserk and went texting to destress which actually caused embarrassment?
• Told him :*
• Totally no face, dao me ttm, ignore me ttm only on a particular day at a particular timing then happy lorh.
• Went M'sia every Sat -.-
• Tay Ping Hui :)
• Started Chem tuition :(
• F21 <3
• Last Physic tuition with Adrain around, lucky the last lesson still got 'qiaoqiaohua' but those notes also dont know fly where alr. In Lye's pouch and the other, wind dont know blow dao where liao. But I guess that tuition was sweet :)
• Suicidal thoughts.
• Lectured + Misunderstood + Accused.
• Felt so threatened, even in my dreams.
• Late for school once but no dc.
• Last to reach school before being noted as latecomer! (But I guess its the last time for me to be so lucky anymore, Feb comfirm always late if the SC just locked the gate :( )

Dont feel like continuing already, the more i think, the more piss I am. Guess the only thing to look forward to is the return of Eric together with his family plus meeting Wynie barh.

Anyway, last night I really had a bad nightmare, I dreamt that Mrs Chong kept scolding me, kept saying how useless I am and say that I am a demanding girlf. What the hell, super dramatic. I got so fearful then i started emo-ing during taichi class, super scary. Thinking back, i myself also scare. All I need now is to fight against depression by 130210 :)

Yesterday's tuition was an arsehole. Ruiqi got to quit tuition because seh told Mr Chong but i got to quit both if i wanna quit physic because I told Mrs Chong. How realistic, aint they? Because Ruiqi is smarter than me. To think Lye speak up for them cause she thinks that going through ALL textbook's questions is good and yet Chongs are at there @%^$& about her! And today i was so guailan then i even manage to get all to agree with me. Super hilarious jiu dui le! Chong doesn even know how to do the Q, and went around the bush. Conclusion, if you dont know how to solve the question to the answer desired then its the question given wrongly! Even Kenneth was at there making a joke out of it, like writing '20mins passed' thanks to Chong for not knowing how to solve the Q! :)

I thanks ChakKwan for cheering me up though it was really dumb.If only the guy i desire has his character to cheer me up, i dont even have to keep sheding tears for him! But its so wrong to ask one for others' characters.

Its 6 :07 pm already! I already want offline norh. Been sitting down and using laptop since 1pm! Still gotta wait... :(

This time round i comfirm wanna bake for friendship day :) Last year already :x

Mild depression :(

You dont love me anymore, your text has stopped coming in.
Guess you found the truth already.

I guess it doesnt matter how severely ill I am, you dont give a single damn. :( :( :(

Believe it or not, i got so piss that i just ranted at sis, but the irony 90.5FM made me so high and yet wanna cry.

Hahahahah, Imma so happy that SLY is online now. Cause Imma able to clarify what really went on on Thurs, that could made me got misunderstood by B..(I just cnt bring myself to type the name out!) :@ Also nothing much norh, then i got like blame. Forget it, 'ming ku' is like that one. So many things to rant this time round! Always tio misunderstood de. Should like post later, when Imma alr late for tuition but this time round daddy is driving me there :)

Sis mentioned that the previous post seemed to be talking of someone particular? Yeah, she thought was Andy lor. Jitao... Somemore, cant be expecting me to write like, 'oh man, i love the person who was at the gate there not closing the gate when im like strolling to the gate', I mean, seriously, not so kuazhang. I wouldnt dare to type that out no matter how daring i am. Its super bhb larh! Sister knows the best. But seriously, believe it or not, its not even about him. So the one who tagged me, no point being so piss unless you are standing up for the whole SC when Imma only refering to one. To think like that also can tio lecturing, zai alr. Blogging is not the best place to write everything out so irrationally!

Ohh, anyway i should be more forgiving for the one who is so jealous of me. If YOU really loves him until this extend, go chase after him larh. No point at there buaysong me one. 'wo bu chi zhe dao de!' -.-

If there is no trust, there is no love.
Get that right.

I find myself so mean, but i find people who dont even trust me or accuse me even more mean. You know who you're. I cant stand it, I've been thinking alot of nonsensical stuffs. Sister knows the best, the one who always stayed by my side whenever Imma down or happy. She knows how terrible Imma feeling. How hard it is for me to decide. Simon told me to focus on studies, which im not going to do that. Sister told me to follow my heart. But it takes two hand to clap. Last night till this afternoon was one of the most terrible time I ever had.

From feeling a little love, to losing a text partner, to feeling happy cause of the conversation to the rudeness to the surprise msg. Ups and downs and ups and downs. Bloody, why is it that people who loves you more then you love him, tends to treat you better?! Instead of the other way round.

CCA wasnt of much counselling today :( Went home and nap and that great sister of mine blasted music that were actually sendimental songs that actually made me cried cause i really cant take how rude he is to me. Then went to gombak and tuition and i went back to batok alone! How great it is for me to run into Louis and Qinjiang and had a nice chat while we walked to 110+ :) So glad that Qinjiang is back in batok area :) But he is so dao, i prefer Louis though in the past was Qinjiang :) Hehes, if only Louis' sister is not so dao then i would have talked to her in school. Went to Mac then basketball court then Mac again. Super waste of my time but quite fun cause it had been a long time since i catch up with taekwondo seniors. In which, i wouldnt be back for a year :)

Reached home at like 12plus, sleepy! Supposed to sleep at 1 norh, but wei le Mocha and actually shawn too, im still not sleeping yet!

p/s : seriously, its none of your business when im not even talking about u leh. why u care so much when im just talking about sth that is general which in fact means someone else.

Super piss today. From the moment i gotten down from the bus to school all the way to reaching home.

F, i wanna crap and rant for today!

In short, whoever tries to spoil my r/s with anyone. This time round, im so not gonna give face and close one eye already. Super fed up alr!

First was reaching school late and not having my attendence mark. Ohh well, i dont know why i felt so bad, cause i find myself indirectly causing the SCs to be lectured, which Eraine said was very hiong. Okay, my bad. But seriously to those dumb SC out there, Eraine should know who i meant, SC very big meh? I not scare leh, late then late larh. Cant get in school, the most i Uturn go find friend or rest at home larh. Cb, like i very scare late like that, worse come to worst jiu shi late lo. I just freaking hatezxc SCs, i meant in particular those people.

Second was like, i will remember to report to Khiameng everytime i reach school! Cb, call my parents, caused so much confusion then i nearly quarrel with my parents. Which in the end, my parents were like saying they didnt care when the school call me. But before that, i thought my dad was super furious with me larh. Nb, hai wo at there super piss on my way home, even timothy say the way i talked super not guaikia.

Thirdly was, i must keep my distant away with those guys already.

-House practice, i just keep flaring up to Umar, nb? Was I just too jealous or what that i keep flaring up, being that freaking rude. Damn me, do i even know that i could lose 2 friends just like that?! Freak. I mean I could just take us as aquaintance not as a friend then i would be so polite and kind. & not like 'eh im standing here, you blow the whistle, i will go deaf one leh!' if not is 'go and find (insert girl's name), so close to her, dont come near me larh.' NB, hasnt my moodswing like gone liao, i mean it should stick with me for another week cause of... yada yada, its so easy to guess.

-Whats with everyone asking that Q. I really had enough already, dont trust him, at least trust me larh. If not the other way round also can. Nb, even if really got feel or what, also impossible de what. Plus, im sure there are people who actually know who i really love what. Wth?

On the other hand, lets see if there are things for me to happy about cause i need to think back so as to cheer myself up.

Hmm? Together with Syafiq, Marcus and Umar, i guess house practice was great already plus a little camwhoring with Sihan :)

Linyan saw him! Ohh man, actually its like so random, while checking for message, i saw hers and she was like I SAW (insert name)! Hahahas, so cute of her. I really cant think of all the funnaye things when I'm like super piss? worried? or even sad!

There is physic test tomorrow and it is the last weekend of the week tomorrow :

There was chinese supp which was super boring cause we went through the informal format, which is like glued to my mind already? But it wasnt a great one lorh, *ahem* wasnt there, so in fact, there serve no purpose for me to even attend.

OMG, i want cry already larh, cant take it already. Breaking down...

Should we even stop what we are doing though its freaking right and not wrong at all! & there is like nothing going on! F.

p/s : I hope for Syazwan to really text me real soon, but when is Luming going to tell him?

I spend 2 hours on facebook. *slaps* Wasting my time on FB. Hahas, and texting and msn'ing. I love chatting with Mocha! Cause I get to laugh easily! (You see this! Hahahahas.)

In life, there are people who you love alot, and hate alot!
In life, there are people who brings you with never ending of laughers but there are also people who tend to hurt you and made you bleed.
In life, once you do not know how to handle difficult situation, you're a gone case.

Recently, i find myself dirt cheap, dirt disgusting, dirt whatsoever! Did everything to hide my fear, my sorrows, my feel and everything. Wth am i doing, what do i really want? Focusing on the wrong thing, wrong person, it seemed everything is wrong. To think I always play overboard that in the end i didnt know how to close the situation and tend to run away. Why can i just not play and made myself feel sad instead of playing overboard became from happy to sorrow to stress. I know what i really what, on the other hand i know i cant achieve it. Just now, i was thinking of revising then i was thinking of revising for phys and not geog when geog is tmr, good game. Plus, im not even revising yet cause i was busying playing my 4 lame games on fb which took me more than 2 hours, close to 3!

Today's physic supp was dumb, my temperature kept rising instead of the other way round!Thanks to xinyi, problem solved :) Hehes. I find it super paiseh lorh, suppose to like msg someone to lunch with him, ended up with nicholas and then eraine and kelly? However, he saw dao lo, still came talk to me. Sian, felt so bad. I mean, i dont know how to close the situation already. But I was real kind to go find him and asked if he still wants me to wait for him :) Lucky he was so considerate and said it was up to me :) I love. :) So went to e2 to look for Marcus with Nicholas, ended up looking for Mdm Wong and since Liujie didnt wanna stay back for the ladder system with marcus, and i see no purpose in staying back when no one accompany me, although there is a vb match which i could easily get someone to accompany me to watch, but i didnt know why i didnt wanna watch, no point. Thus i helped out before supp started :) Apparently, nothing. It had been such a long period of since I last went home early and nap :)

Uncle Chay came our house leh, but dad and him went out for dinner in the ened -.- I still need to revise :X

I wanted to write to many stuffs which i forgotten, sstml

Firstly, im super surprised to actually heard about what happened in the morning! [Did they really asked him that? :) ]

Secondly, I should really consider what i wanna do.

Thirdly, sort all my emotions and feelings out. & stop using others as a shield to protect myself anymore, it is never worth it. Draw a clear line between friend and (wait, what should be typed here?). Differenciate them and treat them in the right manner. Shall stop saying that im crazy over this and that, for i know the end its still the same person!

Fourthly, no more about Junwei, Umar and Mocha. Why force myself to go crazy over them, when its not from innerly!

p/s : Do you even care about me?

There is no point in trying to cherish and love myself, when i cant even feel any love and care and concern!

Only suspicion and fear.

Did i mention that during SS and eng, i tried sliting which got part of my wrist swollen and burning, which was much terrible than bleeding :) I knew i couldnt resist that temptation whenever i have a penknife in my sight :)

Sian, tomorrow got pe plus house practice! 'you de mang le!' (there's sth to be busy about! :@)

When you're gone, can i still survive on my own?

Hahahhas, today i just dozed off during tuition again! Cute, like real, is super paiseh dao. Then tutor talked about planning which remind me of adlin, suddenly i super energetic and high. Chao baichi. But now, i need to settle my very long overdue Chem TYS 'notes', which i never hand in plus i never do textbook and notes question and i need to go revise on chem and emaths which i got no time to do when imma alr super busy texting :) By the way, today i purposely online to hope to find you online, but hor, never online leh! Still thought want ask you about the result de :(

Imma super happy, cause fate permits what i hoped to happen, happened! Oh man, at the lowest point of today, i was so darn freaking wanting to send out that text which i didnt! Cause I thought that if fate allows it to happen or it is fated then it will happened. & it really happened. Wth? I was like seeing super no hope already when suddenly i saw that image of him. Wth. Jitao.

Evening on my way to tuition, i was super anticipating Chinese New YEar, cause i was super sad and i wanna see Eric badly! Hahas, but now i dont anticipate seeing him, but anticipating more clothes to be bought and erm wear it! Hahas, super happy with yesterday's loots, except for no having the colour i want at F21! I heart F21 :) Okays and i die die must go buy a camera soon! Dad wanna buy the Samsung which can zilian one! Then I want SLR! But he already like want buy for me and now i abit dont want, so bulky, like i will use it except putting it in a corner and not touch it! Hahas, i think a digital camera + lomo + polaroid shld be more than enough. I super high now!

Ohh, i was talking about the camera cause i desperately wanna use it on CNY! Especially when Imma with Eric's family and more! Hahas, plus this year gonna be great if I'm going M'sia, unless Dad decided to go overseas during that period of time. Hehes, Wynie! :)

Ohh ohh and errr, Imma speechless. Should I quit physics tuition? I got persuaded and was determined to quit when the Chongs came talking to me again. Wth? I already super regretted for wanting to go overseas to study plus I super sad about letting Lye down, all expressed on her face today when I stayed back to review. & Wailap's Emaths aint that great! Cause ended up I solved the question myself! Say Imma smart :)

I just remembered about my wallet, wth, kena molested plus ransacked. & those notes, which became a jigsaw puzzle for andy, seriously good game man, adrain! I will complaint to dawn tomorrow! Dawn! Adrain qifu wo, wait is the two guys qifu lorh! :@

Chong super want money lorh, say until ownself so weida, actually is nothing but cause i want quit plus i really feel super guilty cause they told me the 3 guys want join Sunday class, which in the end i got another story heard. Haish. I dont even understand what he was talking just now. Is it really worth staying?

I need Lixuan badly now, no ones know her better than me. Even when everyone say Imma a baddie who plays but she knew the reason behind it though she also call me flirt. Wth? I dont lorh! Enough of it. If I dont meet her sooner, i can write a 500page book for her lerh! Which I seriously dont like it!

Mocha, I know you comfirm read this de, but i still think it would be better if i type out here cause i cant just like tell you by other means. You should really let 'absence make the heart fonder' thingy to happy, heck her please. Okay wait, Imma speechless!

Hahahhas, I super love Neville! Super good, (okay, must say good stuffs de) cause he say my pm very depressing then show a funny video. Okay lor, nothing much but better then those who didnt do anything! =X Some even ask me to huan lo lorh when it should be mai huan lo!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMLwUItWmYo Do read the lyrics, but i dont get the joke out of it! -.-

So many tests coming up, totally stress! Yeah, i cant handle stress, so why not you come counsel me larh.

Seriously, in a week, monday makes me the most happy then till wed i comfirm sad, then friday, depression, sat and sun super depress and it became a cycle!

Slaps myself for not remembering yesterday was 24th!
& I was real evil today, not that evil just a little but Dawn saw everything and really laughs like siao. Who ask that biatch wanna offend me =X And so not likeable. Dont ask why am i like that, for once I have no feeling but only emotions. It doesnt matter how much i change for you dont even care :)

Slaps myself for not remembering yesterday was 24th!
& I was real evil today, not that evil just a little but Dawn saw everything and really laughs like siao. Who ask that biatch wanna offend me =X And so not likeable. Dont ask why am i like that, for once I have no feeling but only emotions. It doesnt matter how much i change for you dont even care :)

I dont want today to be like tues, crying infront of the laptop again. I feel so hurtful, my heart just hurt so much. The tears just keep rolling down and yet i gotta entertain my daddy by laughing as though nth happened. Can someone just tell me what am i supposed to do?

I dont want things to happen like what my friend say! Things can also end in a very nice manner and in a positive way it doesnt have to turn out so horrible, so negative, so heart breaking. There are path that can lead to thing ending beautiful without a starting what. I shouldnt even get my friend to counsel me lorh, make me cry even worse. Everytime i re-read those sentences, those words, i really cry like hellxzc. & what for so straight forward one my friend, can say things in a nicer manner when Imma alr crying so hard what! Wth!

p/s : Last night, on the way home from M'sia, dad finally understand why i say SG is not important to me! SG never provide me anything, my everything is from my dad! He understands my wanting to leave but he never knew that one of the reason was cause of my heart matters. For millions, i love my family. For thousands, I miss my grandfathers alot! Just now i was missing my paternal grandpa cause I was thinking about the moments i spent with Kangwei and his family and i realised that i knew them for almost 10years! In which, on the day my grandpa passed away, i was at their home playing! Therefore, i remember. & suddenly 97.2 was broadcasting my grandpa's favourite song which dad told me! Super surprise, that means my dad was thinking of him?! Hahahs, i dont know but i was really very happy! Imma, if grandfathers were around, they would have told me how to handle all my r/s properly. I seriously think that i only handled one very properly and that was when i was so much more innocent lorh!

Seriously, this post is going to no where, i rather stick to my handphone! :S :(

My questions for the day are : Has anyone really saw how much effort i put in to everything?! Be it in every aspect, i really put in alot! Has anyone saw how sad i was when i really got no feel? Some thing which is an essential in my life. Has anyone saw my true colour and stop judging me by words? Shawn, you better stop saying Imma a flirt already. Imma not, imma just trying to protect myself. If I really am a flirt, i would have already played with those basketballers at that basketball court, but I didnt cause I know where my true feelings lie, just that it seemed that Imma very close with them but in fact Imma not! Stop saying Imma a flirt! Imma not! I feel so dirty everytime I talk to those guys, I feel so disgusted by my actions! I'm not! It's time for you(Shawn) to bear that in mind. :) Get your facts right.

Sister has got the best way to console me :) Loves.

I was super happy about my buys today! Seriously, shopping makes girls happy! Undescribable happy and yet now imma like crying like shitxzc plus i need to console others before myself. What is this, imma alr aching inside. Let's hope tomorrow i will get a 39.9degree celsius fever and skip school!

What I cant believe is that shopping make me so happy that i regain my appettite and thanks to Mrs Chong man, seriously, my life sucks thanks to that family, ended up no appetite to continue eating. & why in the hell did i touch my handphone, crying like shitxzc and mum caught me. What's this? Crying during dinner in town?!

What am i doing? Counselling people? Hmpf, i have got no right. Whatever i do aint right. Counsel dao the end i cry! Fuck. I never wanna be that vulgar but things are going in the wrong direction that really makes me cant take it!

I even planned out what to do tmr alr when the tuition totally ruined it + that dumb cute guy is just not free to even accompany tmr, which i really dont believe lorh! Guys just sucks like hell, except Mocha :) [Mocha! You saw this?!]

Today's tuition was so great, cause ChakKwan just pranked the people who were later than me, Mrs chong was saying cause ChakKwan knew it was me so he didnt play a prank on me! However, it was really hilarious when SoonGit and SzeWei got pranked and there were actually people waiting behind Szewei to use the system! It was just too hilarious! I was super high during tuition lo! Just was just too sad that i need laughers that much! The next class came about 10mins earlier which really make me very uneasy! Yeah, u-n-e-a-s-y! That i totally dont feel comfortable doing my work and laughing! :@ Sian, I cant wait to be back in SG so that i could text lo. Still thought can use MSN to communitcate but Mocha not online leh, felt so bad for saying I'm the best yet didn't reply text early. Sorry :S

I flaring up just now during our late lunch and i used the chopstick in the eating-spag-manner cause i was so furious for being a Chinese. Stupid, maybe cause my dad brought me to some palce to eat and plus my moodswing, i find it really stupid to bring me to such a place which actually dont suit me! Wth, that is when one is having serious and bad moodswing plus not thinking logically. I was super qianbian just now then i even attitude one of the malaysia CID =X To think of it, lucky i was just a kid, or maybe that guy dont even give a hook :) Stupid larh. Chong even worse! I seriously hate him like siao, if possible including Amaths i also want quit. Seriously, today Imma out of my mind. All thanks to myself, being such an immature 15 going 16 girl, who seriously doesnt know what she wants.

I dont like how heartily i tried to laugh just to hide my unhappiness...

LOVE:"We think about it, Sing about it, Dream about it & Loose sleep worrying about it. When we don't know we have it, we search for it. When we discover it, we don't know what to do with it. When we have it, we fear loosing it. It is the constant source of pleasure and pain. But we don't know which it will be from one moment to the next. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define && IMPOSSIBLE to live without."

I decided to search deep inside my heart and therefore i listen to the Auntie that spoke to me yesterday, to look for the four defination.

Wait, i decided not to cause the defination also not what i want de!


Can holidays please arrive soon? I dont wanna go through any torment anymore! Consistently fearing about it, consistently crying. That's really enough! I dont like crying so easily even when listening to song.

My pain isn't doing any justice to me! Making me going through that pain yet refuse to take in any food!

Seriously, if they really had enough of my attitude, why cant they send me away. I mean since things have been really sucky for me, and everyone is saying till Imma such a baddie + I alr said out what I wanted to say just that I didnt get to say it face to face. I guess Imma really okay with leaving here! For once I know, over there no one will bother me, i can change my lifestyle, totally different from what Imma here. I mean there is just so many reasons to send me away. I know how much I hurted then because of so many problems, I know how dad realised that Imma in a dilemma, and my feelings and everything but why doesnt my daddy talks to me about it?!

Wth? Joseph just call me a goon head -.- (I really dont know marh, also not expressed out so clearly, therefore i cant take things for granted! Not goon head okay!)

23 / 01 / 2010

Try to control your emotions and tendency to be overly sensitive. Not everything everyone does needs to be taken so personally by you. You would fair better if you could learn to lighten up in certain circumstances. Try to reason through your emotions before letting them get you down.

23 / 01 / 2010

Your schedule may make it difficult for you to do as much as desired with friends or family members. Soon you can make adjustments.


Hahahahs, guess i'm soon getting addicted to horoscope and zodiac? Whatever. Somehow, somewhat, thinking back, i find myself having uncontrollable moodswing, guess i've gotta apologise for that =X

It's like, getting jealous, angry, sad. Is the problem lying with me? See the guys i admire getting close with others, i buaysong. Seeing people that made me unhappy, i tried to get revenge. What is wrong with me?! Trying to lose heart in the one that had been made me fucking crazy. Just to make others jealous, getting so close to the-people-that-make-them-go-crazy. I find myself fucking disgusting and cheap that makes Shawn saying Imma such a flirt, but does he ever knows why am i doing all this. I cant stand people who brought me so much unhappiness! I know how sucky my life is thanks to moodswing! I dont like being jealous, all the more i dont like making others jealous, yeah, including my friend's friend. But I know what Imma doing is contradicting my stand, just because I've lose the responsibility to follow my stand thanks to my messed up feelings + emotions.

Tuition later -.-

And I guess I really have to stop emo-ing! I gotta listen to Neville! But, the problem is I cant! I dont wanna dissapoint Lye anymore, though I really dislike her way of teaching! I mean, yups, even though I dislike her that much, she treats me so good that my heart totally 'melt'. & what I couldnt believe what that I told her alot of things which none of my friends up to now, knew the whole, full story! & I just summarised to her! Wth? I did the wrong thing! & she got so engrossed in listening that she even forgotten that she've to leave for a meeting or sth, that is true! I mean, what the hell am i doing, when I dislike her! Or maybe in actual fact, I dont dislike her! Then I gotta make a stand, either to study hard or dont, either to drop Amaths or not (yeaps, despite Lye not allowing it!)

In the end, I've never been able to keep or my feelings, to stop emo-ing and many more. Sometime, i wonder, if only I meet Lixuan everyday for her to counsel me, is that gonna help?!

By the way, I met this girl by the name of Vivian Loh, cause I was so curious that I asked her school, and it so happened that she knew my bestie! High! & Imma having a fever now :( Which Yuting and Yeesan concluded that my temperature was high cause I was thinking of someone. But the problem is, it has been 24h alr! On top of that, last night also feverish lo :( & I think I really need to go to the doc before people start to get worried about me again. Irregardless of the therapy or gastric. Yada yada, my gastric got so serious that it wakes me up in the middle of the night and morning + it was so pain on every weekdays that I could scream and yell early in the morning + it gets me shivering early in the morning that I look so pathetic!

I love how busy Imma today! Messaging/Texting, msning and it just continue non-stop that my fingers are aching! I like!

But surprisingly, i got so many surprises form people who contacted me today cause i didnt expect :)

I got so piss when i messaged during tuition! B.
I got so surprised when someone messaged me instead of me promising to text him today! Umar!
Randomly chatted and continued by texting cause i met him at the tuition centre! Neville!
After a year plus, he randomly say 'hey' to me! Geoffrey!
He finally got online and talked to me! Shawn!

My fingers are aching and im gonna fill Shawn with all the details about the recent happenings! So excited! [Done with it!]

Sometimes, you might never knew how i felt, but seriously i've been hurted too many times already. I feel so cheap to be using others to heal my wounds, to make me forgets about the feel just because, i guess I'm not yours and therefore nothing much could be done!

I've got no idea what is wrong with me now! Imma emo-ing!

I was so sick these days, 3 days in fact. That every morning i wake up with the image of me cant unable to stand straight and yelling for help because my gastric pain was unbearable! Then i kept wanting to vomit, that was why i skipped pe ytd, having a terrible time lorh & finally today i forced myself to which was rather bad, as in i purposely skipped lunch to make my pain come back, in fact im torturing myself! So what? I mean no one care and i purposely didnt went to the doc today. So what?! No one cares!

I was supposed to leave sch at 430pm and i left an hour later. I was so tired that i slept before going tuition and was late in meeting Millie! But wasnt late for tuition, in fact was the earliest! Hahas. CCA was like a counselling session and i had homeworks to be done! To find out the defination of crush, love, affection and infactuation! Hahas, cause the lady had a dioploma in psychology in early child edu or sth, that she started talking about all this things + many stuffs but guess it was a great time knowing her that i didnt mind staying back an hr later. Plus I ended up walking out to hand in homework to Chong that i slacked 30mins with Yiteck! Hahas, weird!

Hahas, i rather emphasize on ytd's happenings which i prolly would do it at a later time since its rather late! Thanks Uncle for sending me home! But I was dumb to go to basketball court to check my friends out but they werent there, and i realised they went mac alrdy! Cause my sis wasnt home! & I was like freaking alone in the living room with dad sleep and the rest out! Hmpf, should have went mac straight lo, then i would do my chem tuition homework + reaching home at 12plus with sister! Aiyoo!

YEESAN! You prolly have to scream your lungs out that he is superb cute! But Imma not in a bit interested in him, so no worries and you really have to tell him! Cause your facebook tells it all! (I still cant find the pic i took with him lor, i think i didnt even took it!)

F, some biatch just wanna get close to my friend cause of her crush -.- what is wrong with everything again? Why you wanna know all of my friend, i mean i dont like that! Seriously, you sucks. You caused my life to be in a mess and now you're playing with it. Seriously, whichever guy you like its not my problem! Just f off.

F. seriously you dont have to take it all out to me! Imma not even your friend or what, i mean im guess hoping you wouldnt ended up like me crying like hellxzc. So please dont flare up thanks to r/s!

Recently, i have been having bad temper thanks to bad moodswing! I freaking hatexcz it!

Oh man, i cant wait to get those photos from Soonkeat! I love them like siao lurh, cause got (insert name)! I like! Cute leh. :*

Hahas, I think I really love challenges so much that no challenges i will die! I mean, yeah my heart will die, will change etc.

Sport practice today! I like :) Cause I think my group was well done! & I helped considerably alot ok! I mean, grouping them up despite able to lose my voice and running to and fro to ask and pass information at the risk of my knee dislocating, yeap, sooner or later it will. Can sense alr!

Shant elaborate till weekends :)

I cant believe Imma trying to forget * cause i think you're running away. & what I'm doing so stupidly was to get closer to someone else. F.

You made me regretted for telling you, i mean you didnt assured that our r/s wouldnt sour but it became so cold that i dislike that. It seemed no challenge because i told you and now i'm starting to realise feelings do fade, which i really dont want it to happen.

Today is just oh-so-busy! :@ Happy, sad, pissed, angry, hyper, etc. It all happened within 12hours :)

But firstly, i really hope syafiq is really fine now and not go school tomorrow :) If the pillar collapse, the building is a gone case too! Therefore, Syafiq! Die die, nose break or what also must go!

Then when I was at the lowest moment, I hoped to see Junhong and the philipine guy, which i can never remember his name. & I really saw them! I mean, I looked at Junhong for 30sec before he realised my existence, looks like his basketball had been comfirmed to be a pro and he was like teaching someone at that time. Seriously, when am I always talking about the past, it's already over, there is nothing that could be done to save it. Afterall, it was all my fault, thinking of sacrificing everyone for one, hahas. In the past, I would like run away from the basketball court but today i wanted to see him badly, i wanted to talk to him and we did! Things didnt turn out to be embarrassing anymore! After a minute of chatting, continued walking to traffic light and so coincidental saw the philipine guy and we walked home tgt! I mean, how could everything i hoped for, happened today, not for the going home tgt okay! So happened that he knew Rob(bin)son!

School was boring! I mean, nope. There was these indonesian students and i guess i learnt the skill to communicate well with them. But I pity Jonathan's buddy cause he didnt get to talk to me, i mean i told them everything thatr i could :) But he was left aside, that's the problem for not having a good buddy! Hahas! Maths lesson, super pissed. I mean, Lye could really got so fed up and wanna drop Maths but at the same time, makes me feel that she is so pitiful that I wouldnt wanna flare up infront of her. Amaths was never easy to start with! & Phys was funnaye, esp with the, wait i forgotten my buddy's name, Adina? We could click so well! & they were like the India students, superb friendly, why didnt I go to Indo that year?!

Oh man, Imma super high can, into Kpop -.- Physic supp was disastrous, cause Chong attitude got a 100percent change! & I guess I had a superb great view -.- unlike Chinese lesson, I mean yeah! ChangSheng is blocking my view! What thel hell! [Someone should be more automatic le hor! Go change place!] Sian lurh, went back to class to keep my stuffs and got caught by Syafiq! Now Imma like in logistic which i knew hours later! Comfirm is do all the maids' job. I wasnt informed! & Imma like under the ehh, captain ball in the quadrangle?! Ohh man, Sunshine! What the hell. Anyway, during the meeting, what we did was slacking and playing with my handphone.

[James.. Oh man, lets hope his situation will turn for the better, no operation please :) Dad just didnt tell me openly about it!]

I was still planning to go home with Zahra, when I was reported with the bad news to stay back. Which made me superb piss cause I saw someone, something, or what. I mean I never regretted staying back instead of lying :) Cause i love staying back, esp with a grp of jokers larh. However, never had i thought that I would have seen what I saw! Okay nevermind, at least aftermath I wasnt that pissed but now Imma. Lucky it was in the canteen, not in the classroom, though i was superb sad + angry -.- Never did I expect that I could get cheered up by little actions again. At least, its not me who started talking or what, at least i did show a piss/not happy look :)

I hate how I check my phone so often that I get so dissappointed. I mean I could just wait till 930 and comfirm will have a message but I just cant resist to check -.-

Hahas, what happened next? Ohh! I was waiting for replies impatiently and I did my chinese chaoxie, praise me man! Hehes. & I guess Imma dont that bad to dislike Keith since he is so helpful but i seriously hate that Alex! How can someone so horrible have such a nice name like my dad's. Darn it, I mean I dont even freaking know him and yet he kept pestering that I had to act so close to Dayana while going to 4e2 or when waiting for the keys. Dont these guys have a sense of shame. I mean in the past those guys that irritated me and made me regretted for telling them how much i hate them, at least still got the feel there larh. One example is that Junhong. The rest, suan le barh, no point remembering when now i feel disgusted by them. This one is totally, stranger? + arse + comfirm no feel one larh. Disgusting. How can a guy who is so disgusting, loves to talk to zhabor. Erxin.

In canteen, divided the groups, etc. etc. Yeah mainly the ladder system :) But we got a kind junior who helped us to do my part :) Cause i had a bad time drawing them out, i even used ruler for accuracy! :) Plus, Marcus had to admit that he loves my Gphone alot, though I didnt know Gphone was that great. Cause I only use for texting -.- =X I like how the messaging storage works that i can view the history at one go even when replying :)

We wasted our time cause of Dave, who ask him go injured dao Syafiq :( I nearly cried larh, really scare me to death can! I think people with same birthday have the same attitude and everything. Dayana and me were like so worried that we wanted to check the boys' toliet out and suay suay when in general office, Leong and Choy + Tan were there. Suay ttm!

We didnt had any mood and we left at 630pm? It's like it had been so long since i stayed till 630pm, last friday was only 615pm. If only i left with Sihan, I would reach home at least an hour earlier. If only I went home with Zahra, i would have left home 2hours earlier. If only I didnt go back to class, i would have reached home 3 hours earlier -.- & the freaking 157 made me waitted for freaking longzxc, lucky before that got lifang pei for awhile :)

Now, i really gotta go have a nice smelling bath before completing my chaoxie and sleep at 10am! I wanna sleep earlier as days pass.

p/s : Imma so darn elated that my phone is loved by many people despite the fact that it's so bulky!



I hate the feeling of waiting, the feeling of missing and everything! Maybe that move was really a wrong one, was it? Unknowingly, i wonder, how important am i to you? In my opinion, it's a total zero! Right?

Okay, I'm in the best of mood to quickly summarise today's happening.

School, and i was darn lucky to be able to meet lifang on the bus after i missed my 98, i mean i didnt wanna chase after it cause i was hoping to see lifang! Hahas, and indeed everything happened. But it was darn suay after that. Yeah, sad. Then physic lesson was great, I'm starting to focus in class than Chong's attire than handphone! Hahas. Adrain also cant tahan but want to beo her right?! And chinese was boring + scaring, whats with all the ghosts thingy man?

Tuition, 1.5hour and i'm done, i mean it's like the first time my tuition ended so early! Maybe cause tutor never go through my compo with me =X Seriously, composition helps alot, in the sense that it helps me to write down all my feelings, my emotions, the hurt I'm feeling. However, i think chinese compo was the best done one :)

Hahas, 3 homeworks only for the day maybe cause imma like super high now! Yeaps, after all the tears! :) :) :) Hahas, and i was liking facing my laptop for the past going 4h, cause i was busy chatting with B. <3! Well done, i can just fail my exams alr. 20:55:49 :)

WTF, WTF, WTF!

Today, is the suckiest day i ever had. I'm so going to hate today! Fck it man.

I was just scolding Mocha and when I got online, hahas. Good one, its time to scold myself, why go so crazy over a guy and get myself hurted like siao! I have got no appetite for dinner, and its like my parents are getting sad/angry about it already.

You know how hard I have to hide my tears when Imma talking to dad, i mean i was crying like nobody's business and then when i turned ard to talk, i must make sure no evidence of me crying is there!

Fck, nb, cb. I cant believe the first month of 2010 and Imma live, bleeding profusely already. Fck! Ohh man, first was during national anthem, then i cry, then was class, then its now! Wtf?!

I cant believe it, again and again, i warned myself not to get sad over such matter anymore. I just cant stop crying!

Even when my favourite show is airing now, i cant turn to watch, once i did that, my dad will know that imma cry real hard.

Ohh man, thinking that mum is like waiting for me to eat, makes me feel so bad for not eating...

Oh no, Imma not fine, cause Imma still bleeding innerly.

Oh my tian! Today was fabulous! Though I went to school depressed, laughing out heartily yet bleeding inside, however happiness from your 'love' ones is the medicine to that!

Oh man, im like freaking happy in the sense that, though the intended cold war was failed at least I could see his laughers, and somehow, somewhat i still think that i am right! If that wasnt the case, why did you even bother about who I hanged out with, why did you even bother about stuff related to the messages?

However, today when I laughed loud during chinese, i could feel my heart bleeding real pain. I couldnt believe I survived today's torment. I wanted to cry badly cause i was sad enough to cry yet my tears dont appear until chinese supp! Wth lurh, thantsoe was talking about O levels, then i reminded of the stress i'm having, then jiu tear-ed liao lo!

Partly thanks to Mdm Tan, cause of the compo, i managed to write my inner feelings, though the real situation was totally out of topic but at least i get to twist the story to make it seemed as though as it was me but it was in the past. Oh man it helped me alot! But i spent a total of 4 hours on a less than 3 page long compo! It was well done, i say :) My best compo ever :)

Then 510pm, slacked at canteen to do my chinese compre :) Guai eh, but not done yet! Then 535 jiu zao liao lo, cause Janniza wanna leave, then Jasmin wanna leave and that Nicholas zai lurh, want to leave, leaving me with no choice, anyw it was about time to leave. Wanted to wait bus with them but in the end straight go bus stop with Janniza, what a great person Imma. LOL! It sucks lurh, cause G and W appeared when I was in the canteen -.- Hatexzc!

Seriously, Millie hasnt read finish my message and i left for the bus, should have accompanied her or sth, then I would have board the next bus and it would be like... yeah, same bus with him lorh! Millie dont tell me hai hao, but when i was informed, I reached my destination liao lurh!

I had tuition and was like having a freaking arse painful gastric, what the hell, as long as i dont have a meal within like 4h, depending, I would be in pain! I tolerated till I got down from the car, it was like so darn freaking coincident! Once I got off the bus, walking to the other end of the traffic light, woah, the pain was intoleratable and i got the urge to puke when my stomach was empty. Darn it, disgusted.

Tuition was so boring! And we went through pressure again! Waste of my precious time, now i think i can quit can join thantsoe's tuition, but that would mean... which Imma not going to do so lurh! Everyone knows I love my physic tuition. Even Janniza knows! I was super xiadao, i promise. But it was really funny for me to witness people pinpointing? Hahas, pointing behind others back. Like how Chong pointed behind Andy, and vice versa though it was for two different matter. I cant believe Chong went to say those stuffs which i find rathering saddening. I mean they knew how I felt but seriously it is not their problem and they shouldnt have even talked about it, which makes me much more sadder. I mean why is everyone talking about him and !@#$%# girl, seriously i feel darn sad ok! & for @$#%$^%^, you suan-ed me. I mean yeah, after a long period of time. Seriously, dont suan me, go suan that bitch. You should know who I meant, the zb you suan for her weight -.- Okay, imma bad.

Chong got a similar interest as me, buying snacks from Mark and Spenser, lols, idk how you spelled it but im like crazy over it once. Yeap, the cold war didnt succeed 100% but i expressed my anger and a little fear + displease in the replies i got :) Hahas. I couldnt believe, i was so suay to be discovered whose message i was replyign during tuition, i felt so bad and sad lurh! Mocha... Sorry, but i will restrain from texting lerh! Including during free time and tuition, i got like so darn distracted! Seriously, today's happening cant be summarised! And there are like more to be written!

CRAZY!

I went to take the letters before reaching home and I received James' KKH letter. I was super xiadao can, not knowing whats behind the white envelope. Hehes, if Imma a good girl and studies hard by Wed, I think I can visit him :)

I knew it. Things are going according to what i want right? You did it! What does that means?

Seriously, if my dad allows me to cut off my handphone line, my internet access, things would have got so much better for me. I wouldnt have known so much things, i wouldnt have knew that you were lying. All I could do was to close two eyes and pretend that i didnt know anything!

I couldnt believe how my friends tried to speak up for you! Darn them, how could they? I mean, the evidence was there, i would never believe one would allow someone else to touch his thing lurh. I dont believe maybe cause my dad, my mum and sis wouldnt, unless i fall asleep while using my laptop, that might be that case but i doubt it would happen.

I cant stand how mundane my Sunday is, taichi, nap then tuition! So darn freaking tiring for me! During tuition, my mind was all about the same old person, waiting for Mocha's reply and listening to my tuition friends talking about him! I dont like how I get influence so easily.

Seriously, whoever is close to me is so darn unlucky, cause i take a long time to trust a person. Daddy knows the best. Yesterday, i was freaking down, i blurt everything about him but hiding the important details.I told him about my fears for friends and he understood! He knew that I saw the big picture and therefore there is always a barrier in my heart protecting me! He knew i was crying profusely despite him driving while i was at the back screaming!

No one believes me! Everyone thought i was just a over cautious, childish 15plus kid! Imma not. I know so much thing better than everyone, just that my age doesnt fit in!

Anyway, i was so darn freaking sad that i have got no appetite for my meals which got my parents rather worried. Imma like so glad that they never mention about it though, i mean i can see from their expressions :( Felt so bad, but when daddy bought my favourite roasted duck, i got my appetite back! Maybe cause it is salty! Which can make me regain my taste lo.

My gastric hurts so much from that day's tomyum, from my depression, etc. I was like happily waiting for our food to be served at the restaurent yesterday, when I received that text! I thought I could escape from everything as long as Imma not in SG, but imma wrong. Technology does the wonders. & I got a roaming service which allow me to receive the text!

Hey, can you be more straightforward or sth? Anyw, you dont have to avoid it, and erm, there is nth to be shy or what about lorh. I mean, yarh, i seriously cant take back my feelings alrdy. You can act as though you knew nth and continue replying me.

Please, take it as my sincere request, do not read this post.

AndyTan! Do you know how much I love you that i cant stop saying anymore! I really ai shang ni le. I dont believe you are totally cold towards it lorh. Although there might be someone else you love, but i dont believe you aint even touched by me. I may be too thick skinned to say this. But if that is not the case, then why did you not reply ever since i sent that msg. You made me feel so awkward, not knowing what to do. Even if you really dont like me, you can tell me, im okay. Even if it means i will cry for 7 days, 7 nights. It will be so much better than keeping me in suspense :) But I really hope you can be the writer of the song 'I'll stand by you', i really wish a boy of mine to say all that to me. Staying back my side whenever Imma sad. You have done that before! You did! However the last time, you didnt finish it till the end and it got me hurt more.

If others could say, you feel like crying, go ahead. Why didnt you? I got so aggitated like a mad dog. No one saw it, but mentally it was real painful to be reacting that way like 'NO! dont you force me to the end. SCRAM OFF!' You get what i mean, yeah, those in the drama. My life is very dramatic. Can you promise not to let anyone hurt me? Esp the girl who was rumoured to like you too? She told me about the competing thingy, which really makes me broke donw. At first it was her and you and now her will to compete when i dont even give a damn but it hurts me so...

I need you to stand by me, to let nobody to hurt me. Let me cry lying on your shoulder, let me feel your warmth and care. I know you care about me right?! What really matters is your feel for me, it is really making me mad! You light up my life and yet you dimmed it. The real reason to why i feel so terrible is because i got to remain as normal, got to act happy etc. When I feeling so terrible after the stress its you! You just need to pretend that it is not you! & I would have got so much calmer than before!

Imma feeling so pekcek to restrain from texting when my phone is under roaming. I havent reply MOCHA! & i didnt reply a not so important text from Millie. :(

*claps* I did my homework! 1/10 :) I've done my social studies workbook. Imma so proud of mnyself. Anyway I feeling so terrible, in terms of emotion and my gastric or maybe stomach, all thanks to the tomyum soap i had last night. Forgotten that it is sour and hot, which will aggreviate my gastric further!

Somehow, somewhat, i dont understand. Why cant you pretend  not to know that the person im talking about its you? Now things got so awkward for us. Darn it.

On our way to M'sia, we tested on sis duration of shutting her mouth but what really makes her forgot that she need to keep mum was when i message about B. and haibian! =X

Update later, since my laptop is dying and there is no socket near me + i need to concentrate to do my work :)


Ohh man, i couldnt resist the temptationa and went to charge my lappy. And the chemistry tuition is super cheap lo, i cnt wait to fly back to gombak and register norh.

I don't know what to type. This week was about school, stay back/tuition, home, slacked and then homework till 12 then bed! This is seriously not my life!

I even gave last night celebration a miss with my hunks and babes. What the hell? But I saw Tay Ping Hui and i promise he smiled at me! Oh wait, Nicholas and Millie are gonna suan me again and again and again. Please lor, i smiled at him so widely of course he must smile back right. Stupid Nicholas and Millie.

There are like freaking many things for me to nag and rant and nag and rant. Though I hope I would like spill my feelings again!

Updated : I want people to text me now! I want my phone to ring! Its 2pm soon, havent you woken up?! I hate your for your ignorance to me, but i  understand i guess. MOCHA! QUICK REPLY ME! Imma addicted to waiting for replies.

Okay, I know what I wanna do now, to go to Africa and help out, to the Aids village too but i dont think i will want to, im afraid of seeing gore-y things. But Africa, those villages as in the poor de, should be okay :)

I know what you guys are thinking?! That girl names Wong Li Qing wanna go to that dirty place, where she will have no shelter over her head, no nice buffet but those rotten stuff? etc etc etc. Yeah! If i can step out my first step to India, why not to Africa? They are so pitiful :( You might be thinking that Imma acting? Hahas, you never knew the caring me is then the real me.

Seriously, i want you to text me today, i wanna hug you on monday but i dont wanna miss you tomorrow.

Will you stand by me at my lowest point of time?

HECTIC!

Today was like, school and there are tons of homework! Piles and piles of them making into a hill! Okay wait, then I stayed back for House Practice! Good job :) I bloody skipped my CCA cause Syafiq told me to saying its Lim message. Oh gosh, i wonder did the teacher even mention to my CCA in-charge lo. Cause i got no CCA point -.- I desperately need them cause i just realise the importance of it. -.-

Then i went off at 615pm, darn those people please. The short debrief was indeed very very very short! But i ended up waiting for Nicholas instead of the other way round. I totally cant stand guys who make girls wait! Thanks to Nicholas, I couldnt went home to rest, and couldnt meet up for the celebration cause the venue was like decided at less than an hour before the meeting time? And I was at IMM! I couldnt possibly ps Millie when she finally got time to be spend with me lor!

Okay, maybe we will have more time if I joined her Chemistry tuition. But it would mean saying byebye to taekwondo! Which the therapist loves the most! & the doctor encourages me to, but he say i could go back soon! Darn :(

I saw Tay Ping Hui! & he smiled at me! Darn mesmerising I say! Darn sweet lurh. Okay lurh, i smiled at him marh, but he was looking at my direction and i was being kind to smile at him. Then Nicholas and Millie cant tahan me so we went daiso, at first was unwillingly for me.

I didnt knew what happened that made me so quiet, thinking so much. I knew I was missing him. I was so tempted to text him until I could tolerate the temptation. It shouldnt be temptation lor, cause i was really down! Then we went popular, suibian let me see Tay Ping Hui again, just nice he was leaving. I really siao lurh, also not any Korean de, maybe thats the only was to make myself to feel better.

Walked to Jurong East, when Millie left, i didnt expect to said some stuffs out to Nicholas. I was wondering why people doesnt want me to have faith in him, why do they think im a lunatic thinking about things which they dont believe might happen and these are things which I feel are real and really changed! Why!?

When I was on the bus, I did alot of thinking which i dont even know what they are. I couldnt take it and cried when Mocha was like cry then & at that time I was at the basketball court slacking. But I left after a while cause I was too tired and sis wanted to leave, so may as well... &&& that was when i really couldnt take it and tada, the msg was sent! :(

I regretted, cause i didnt expect anything, i didnt expect to type those feelings out, neither did i expect the receiver to know who i am mentioning, but i guess he knew and i got ignored! I dont like that. (thumb down)

Lucky, Mocha was still texting me though the person I want wasnt Mocha. Anyway, I got darn chuatio when MillieLee told me she wanna read the hundreds messages history with him since i changed my phone. There are hundreds more in other phones and my dad is selling my Viewty cause someone wants it, which means all my sweet messages and sad ones will be gone very soon! :( But the feelings will still be there, i dont wanna dont love (insert name) cause i know i cant, i seriously ai shang le ni.

I went home, and the moment i sat on my princessy chair, i cried, darn it. Why did people tried to tell me to cry, to jump and reach the wall or what to sweat to feel better?! The latter was a real lousy idea but nonetheless he managed to think of it. I rather people use my method of screaming into the pillow which can destress larh. Why did people even told me to calm down, why cant they fly to my side and then calm me down? No one knew that everytime i tried to calm down, I would think alot, those bad stuffs, then I would wanna scream at the top of my voice and then I would feel very discomfort with my wrist as though when there is no pain, I couldnt take it!!

That's the problem, Imma aggitated now, right now again! Darn it, darn the school, darn the teachers, darn the homework, darn yours truly. Whats with all the stress, the love that cant be reach! Fcuk those feelings man.

As what the title states, this day dread me the most. Chinese supp was cancelled!

& I went to my favourite place - dental. I dont get why everyone hates that place most but i seriously like the biantai smell some dental have, like my primary school. Hua Yi's one, not that great, like very dirty like that lor. did the i-dont-know-what thingy, and i polished my teeth which i insist on having but the dentist say its not good so did on some stained teeth which i dont get her cause my teeth are really pretty.

Expected, she said : your teeth are really nice, keep up the good work. She asked : did you put braces before? your teeth are really straight. Dont be so jealous of my teeth :) Hahas, i dont floss them, and i got good comments. Not say Imma lazy but i hate flossing, it hurts my gum and will leave a hole between the teeth and gum if flosses regularly in the long run. Anyway i got !#%^& people who loves my teeth and praised them, I'm so proud! Hahas, joking.

I went to find Chen to teach me Chinese workbook cause I am a good girl. That I couldnt comprehend the passage and messed up the guy with girl. Thinking the author is a girl when he is a guy! =X But i had very good uderstand in the sense that when it mentioned it was the first time he understand the importance of moeny, which its not truth, it should be second time. Dont wanna elaborate but Chen was really proud of me :) I like.

Then to help out at CCA Exhibition which I slacked alot and went to beo him. Guess he was too busy to see him, sadded. Then I saw the photos at a particular CCA notice board, i nearly cried, got tears only larh. I dont know why. Guess I was too happy or too sad.

Walked around with Liting :) Her CCA booth was beside my and i left at 530pm but went to mama shop cause Gavin, Huihao, Kaifeng and her were going. It started to drizzle and pour while we were walk to the bus stop and i took my umbrella out cause i couldnt stand the drizzle and once i passed the umbrella to her, the rain was getting naughtier and pour! What the hell? Suay!

It like the only day out of 4 days which i didnt really do my homework (eng proj actually) after slogging out for 14hrs on it!

In the past, everyone would know how much i want everyday to be Monday! However, as 2010 reached me, i realised that i dread Mon, cause I've never ending homeworks! All I want for is Fridays. Okay, the main reason for me to work hard towards Friday is because we will be celebrating the Jan babies! To me is super cool lo, cause instead of the normal Linyan normal + Darius, Weiliang will be included, and lastly the person who is new to me = Junyong! So darn cool lo, never had i expect that junyong and junwei and be kept in touch. It's my babe's birthday tomorrow! If 4 of them wanna watch NC16, hahas i and cheowyi will be left behind!

Nothing much for today, but i was real tired! Never expect that I would spend so much time on the Eng ppt! James should be back in the hosp now, but im lazy to go. Not going later i guess, want to but too tired! Had lunch with Nicholas and Eraine with some e3s. Hehes, im starting to feel that one who treats other rudely may not treat me that way. Dumb nicholas = big bully, seldom will one get me to put the plates back lo. Reason : I never finish the rice up -.- Lucky, there is kind soul out there. Yeah, one only i guess.

Darn fed lurh, stress ttm. & I dont get it why some people are so willing to pon their physic supp.  I really cant tahan leh, its like i over here want cry over the stress while others out there playing! Darn it.

Nevermind, all i hope is for a great friday but wait! Am I free? Lucky i was against tuition on that day, if not its totally wasted unless i meet them after 10pm, then what? Midnight gaming or movie? stupid. Some how i remember that there is something on lo.

Sports leader -.- Sport practice -.- CCA -.- Darn it.

12 / 01 / 2010

You could be experiencing nostalgia for a different time or place in your life now. Perhaps you are reminiscing about your younger days, or missing old friends who you have not seen in quite some time. Try calling up these people to schedule a get together. If this is not possible, share your fond memories with someone close to you who you can confide in.

Sorry for the lack of updates as i've been getting real busy and getting myself in a difficult situation with all the messed feelings. In addition, lack of sleep really kills me.

& now, when biatch has started to 'declare a war' with me, i gotta pick myself up. Although, people are ensuring me that she is nothing but i guess she can motivates me to move on. However, the stress i had on losing to her in times to come, really make me super cant take it. I wonder if that day will arrive? The day where he tells me that he prefers her. The day when I realise there is no one for me to depend on.

Today was rather a tiring day, with school ending at 2 and tuition at 4! I dozed off and i was darn paiseh. Got the tutor to reteach the stuffs which couldnt get into my mind when i was in lalaland. Hehes. :) Nothing much i guess.

Anyway, mum bought crabs and dad steamed them. Since when was the last time did i had them? I couldnt remember! On New Year Eve, the restaurant had ran out of stock!

Okay I've got homeworks to rush through!
1. Physic workbook
2. Chemistry textbook
3. English ppt
4. EMaths Ex 2.1 to 2.3
5. Dunman Sec paper.

Crazy!

Too many failure, too many fear will not make a person stronger but weaker. Im too tired to be constantly worrying anymore.

As long as you dont quit your passions, im giving you up. I did gave you up but it was yourself who got me back, and now you're hurting me. If not of biatch, i wouldnt have known what you've done! Okay wait, why are you doing all this to me?

Okay, next its James, I am assured that he will be fine. LOLS, dont feel like talk about all these anymore.

Finally, i said what i've been suppressing in my heart when thing goes out of hand for James! 'I love you' is just so amazing. I seen that mission impossible thing that happened before! The smile that the receiver shows is so memerising.

I've made up my mind to visit granny since I wouldnt go to m'sia as James is going to be hospitalised for another week. I thanks the person who calm me down, cheered me up, assuring me everything will be find. You know who you are and I love you for that.

The fear of dying, losing someone is just so scary that i will never forget how it feels! If times permits, i will be dropping by at KK to visit James daily. I wanna him to know that, he is the one that i will be sacrificing in terms of, hahas i dont know. He gotta know, only I care, i mean my family does. As in, I care more than his sis. Anyway, KK is also a nice hospital to hang out with. It feels so warmth. I like how I want to sleep on the bed at the ward =X He needs my family to be with him, to show that we care, to feel that if not for us, your family would be helpless.

I cant seem to be bringing the fear out. So how did i managed to did that just now?

Okay, Flag Day tomorrow! 745 must reach school! Then visits :) So cool right?! Visits leh! =X

Okay, anyway im pissed with B.! I hate how wilful you're!

Nothing much for today but there are a number of homework. Went to Ngee Ann Poly for Open House and i got numerous reference booklets! Hahas. Shant go into details, and i went home with Lifang! I couldnt believe my eyes! Cause I saw Junren, Junyong, Weiliang and another guy! Hahas at Clementi MRT station somemore, but when we bump into each other, i meant me and junyong, I immediately turned my head =X Shy? Hahas. They went for Singapore Poly Open House lurh which i found out from Yiting when I met her on the way home! So sad lurh, it is like tomorrow Imma going SP then they are going NP! What the hell, no jun(S) family leh! :(

Went home very tired-ly and i used com before preparing to go KK! Im like so happy cause dad finally allowed me to visit James, however somehow i felt that they are hiding something from me! Okay wait, his parents were very sad! Im glad that when I saw James, he was watching the TV, at least not so sickly. However, i can see the sadness in Uncle's eyes :( And his maternal cousin came, we met once? When I was very small which i precisely have got no impression of it! Hahas, we chatted alot. He aint as ugly as what i thought, cause Christy would mention him when I was at their house. Anyway, we really got along darn well. I thought his name was 'Liner' but its 'Lionel'! LOLS, what a huge different. Did I mention that I love weird and unique name? Not the common ones! He is in Banking and Finance, and im having a hard time to choose what i wanna be in future. Accountance doesnt seemed to be that interesting to me anymore!

Anyway it was such a miserable moments for me in school, cause someone precisely pon-ed school. It is friday tomorrow!!!

I am so ashame of myself cause im unable to scream out loud and demands my dad to send me to visit James. Hate myself for that! Parents went to pass my clothes to Auntie cause she is worried for her son, i guess? & she will be staying over at the hospital. Motherly love :) So sweet. Hahas, my dad hired the maid also not bad lurh, volunteered to stayover at the hospital! I mean dad wants her home, but she wants to take care of grandma. She told me that, she is worried about grandma and am afraid that no one will take care of her when she vomits, etc. I hate myself man, dad say i could visit him tomorrow. I feel like going straight after Ngee Ann Polytechnic Open House 2010, i planned to meet Kim after 1:30pm after school ended, but oh well, guess he will be working and decides that he wouldn't wann continue studying.

Bloody hell, those people that promise to study poly with me are all gone. So I guess that means lesser reasons for me to want to study poly since i aim for Junior College, if not is to go overseas, wait a year for Dad's friend's daughter. If not it would be like, only me and another girl going over, missing one out. Ohh wait, then I would miss out alot of things.

Finally I decided what culture to research about! :) Hehes.

As expected, I woke up at 630pm, thanks to daddy! He was listening to 90.5FM which disturbed me. & at 7 sharp, he left with Mum to visit James! They dont even intend to bring me. Reason was, I need to do my homework. How did he knew? I mean I didnt told him! I wanted to like visit James then grandma lo. Should I go alone tomorrow? I dont intend to let my parents know. Yeap, hiding my care :) But what if James' is over there, does that mean i can only go to Prima Deli for my favourite waffles with strawberry jam? Mum refuse to buy back for me lo! She said it wouldnt taste nice! Bloody, my last visit to KK was like a year back, exactly a year :) I had my last jab in Jan, next jab i wanna take is AIDS and H1N1, lols, for fun :)

I'm so glad that I didn't wait for * reply and went to nap, cause when I woke up, * just replied. Anyway, why is it that Ren Ci charity show is still able to air? I mean, did the bald monk got into some case?

I miss James so much now, after like not seeing him for a week when i was with him for consecutive 5 days. Parents just precisely dump me and sis at home for 1.5hours already! :( Imma so gonna bring my laptop and pringles when i visit him. I dont care even if his mum dont allow him to play Pet Society or eat thsoe pringles! Ehh, wait, he should be fine if things are as easy as what dad say. Then why should he be hospitalised? Maybe I do feel better that there are nurses taking good care of him. Somehow, somewhat, the same sentences, the same consolation, seemed different when they are told by different people.

Why did you asked Jeriah Lee that question? What does that imply? Is there someone else?

Okay, i shouldnt be concentrating on such stuffs, should be concentrating on my essay and then english reflection and powerpoint slides and social studies! Aww man, when will the day arrive where I could spend my day beside James the whole day before he leaves SG. Okay wait, did i mention that, if anything happens to me, it would partly become my fault. Okay, its not larh, but whenever things happened, i would stress out that its my fault. Like grandpa, I hate how he didnt wait for another 24 hours for me, dad planned to drive into M'sia the next day - Sat, when he kicked the bucket at 1am, I hate how he didnt give me a chance, I regretted being so busy for the few weekends before his death. It was weird in that sense that I stayovered consecutively and once I didnt, he didnt wait for me the moment I decided to go over. Was he angry with me? mum? sis? or even dad? Did he realise that I started to like eating jackfruit, after he left? Did he learnt that I wanna eat the jackfruits he planted. If only I'm rich, I would never let them sold that bungalow, I would never allow anyone to touch the tree he planted, all the more I would never abandon those dogs he kept, though I hated dogs alot! I remember Lily was the only dog that I brought it walking around the bungalow! Hahas, to me its very good already!

I knew that I need psychiatrist/psychologist, but dont you ever find it weird by telling someone that you need one? I mean, normally people will find you abnormal before getting you one, but im different, for i know i suppress my feelings and it's making me hard to breathe.

A day where Imma so happy to be able to see * in school, i just simply love that feeling. Anyway, i need to let it out by saying, whenever i put my head down in class, it doesnt mean im tired and wanna sleep or rest! Get that right, it is because i am feeling down, upset or even crying. Hahas, its okay if you wanna comfort me though.

Okay, so it started of happily today, nearly late for school, walk in together with LiTing and ZhiKang and meeting *, his smile was contagious. Then there was a talk by Sally Pang then career talk followed up by Chiang and class committee, as expected im the treasurer, but unexpectedly was that * didnt sabotage me! Aww man. Okay, then to com lab, which i couldnt even sign into commontown, and Chiang was good enough to snip the guys hair off! Hahas, girls' turn tmr, but im not gonna chg anything :) Okay, then it was recess then a talk by Choy, boring! Hahas, i wasted my time by re-tying my shoe laces, i mean changing its position, instead from up to down but down to up. [forget it if you dont understand.]

It ws freaking suay, to be able to see W, directly when i turned left. *shys* Okay then it was a pity that i shifted to the back but it was so much comfy though many teachers were behind. Then normal lesson! First homework - essay writing (english). Feeling down but i didnt expect that i could get it off my mind when i was on the bus, or maybe cause * talk to me. Okay, i gave Millie the cookies already! But next up is to get more stuffs for her and peirong. I bet some will eat dao the a-little-burnt cookie. Cause some abit brownish but no burnt taste while some looks fine but there is burnt taste. Hopes * didnt get the burnt one! If not it would be embarrassing enough! Hopes Millie loves it, and of course those that got that cookie from her too. Made with loves, kay.

I reached home happily cause i smell corn! It was freaking sweet! Then I started to heartache. This is my main topic for this chapter. Dont bother continue reading from here :)

Mum asked me for my disposable item, which i was shocked. They were meant for James' mum. Their family are in SG now, but James is currently hospitalised :( So I guess his mum will be staying overnight at the hospital, my house or her sister house. What a nice one, whenever they are in trouble, they would look for us. Its like, his mum? Shouldnt his mum go look for her sis instead of us? Unless its Uncle and his wife then its another case. LOL, i dont mean what i say, just that i need to cover up my passionate side. Too used to covering up, and it seemed weird to blurt everything out now.

Aww man, he is in KK hospital now. Hope I can get to nap till like 5pm, for sure until 6plus, bathe and manage to watch the 7 o clock show and do my essay quickly. Im too tired to finish it up now and get my dad to send me to KK hospital. I know I couldnt do anything much, but all i need him to know that, he is important to me, not someone whom i can forget easily. Because i know for sure, if i dont concern him now, i might not have the chance. Dad did mention sth to my mum, and it seemed his condition is more serious than i can imagine and somehow they aint optimistic about it. Indeed * had somehow made me calm down, but it doesnt seemed right. I can feel it, but im not going to tell my mum or dad or anyone about it. Cause I have a jinx-ed-mouth. Its true, cause all the bad stuffs i told them, it happened! Once or twice might be coincident, but not always! He has to live for me, cause i wanna sleep in his room again. I shouldnt be typing all this nor should i post them out, but i dont think i should hide, however it risked the chances of his sister finding out the truth. For once, i think it is wrong to hide stuff from others, but for his life, we should? I've goy no ideas what plan we're having next. But I know that my sleeping clothes will be shared with his mum. It feels not right afterall, somehow i really wish to be able to talk to someone. But it doesnt feel right, cause its like, its not a big deal, so why am i reacting in this way?? Its 3:33pm now. Wait, things are going to work out in the jinx-ed way that im thinking of right? I've got no appetite since i knew the news last night. No matter what, i should be optimistic.

Anyway, on the 5th day of Jan, i got myself entangled with 4 person. & only one is remembered.

Its raining heavily now. Bad sign, im thinking alot. But I know that im not ordinary, i knew it long ago, till i could only comfirm it this time round. & Dad cant deny that anymore.

Lastly, i need remainder for me to book an appointment with the therapist. Cause I need therapy seriously, i cant stand pretending nth has happened when my kneeS hurt alot now, regretted skipping at James' house, its all his fault. However, if making my knee hurt could exchg for him having a perfect health, i guess i dont mind sacrificing.

Hua Yi was being really nice to make us took a bus which made everyone i see on the bus restless. Hehes, can i request to get my craze back? It was really sweet to be able to see him 'sleeping'. Okay, my bad to talk about this, but it gets me drifted away from James' happening. Seriously, i really wanna know whats in his mind, i really wanna know who she is. Should have asked Jeriah Lee for some problems. Forget it. Off topic already!

Went to Royal Park Hotel for the Social and Dining Etiquette talk. I did a research and realise that Christian Chua Academy is freaking cool. Ohkay, i dont wanna be a cheif accountant anymore, i will concentrate on psychology and then motivational speaker :) Isnt that cool?! Hahas, I wanna be like Adam Khoo, and somewhat like Chirstian Chua. Okay, the talk was freaking funny in the sense that the speakers can joke? Hahas, first was about the social then dining etiqutte? Hahas, i forgotten alot of things lor. & I was like s-o-t and bought 3 books with his autographs! & he was like 'rich kid?' Its known as supportive! Okay, im just so happy that i got the books lo, cause got autograph. =X And I believe Shawn attended this program too, cause his school attended the talk to. Wait, why am i talking about Shawn, I told Mum that I wouldnt give a damn about him anymore.

The toughest period was when we had the 5 course meal lo, maybe cause you knew that there will be people staring at you, so its like uneasy. Apart from that, im fine with such dining etiquette, since i was like trained in it before. & I did did that when i went to dad's lunch function? Hahas, i cant remember cause that day i wasnt feeling well! Now I need Ethan's innocent look to make me forgets about James' condition. Well, I hope he will automatically look for me tomorrow when he is in SG. Let's hope that I dont cry drastically when I see him. An immature boy would then be wondering why im crying. Wong Li Qing! James can never know about his condition, nor should his sis knows that you knew about it! [Im wondering if it cheers you up knowing my r/s with James?]

Okay, so the session itself was funny but i really had some sweet moments too :) I mean it. Cause I havent been updating while I was away, many things happened, and I should be thanking James and Christy for making me able to forget him. I thought I did, when someone sweet talked me and i blushed, but its fine now, cause since some words are being said out, it would only mean we cant even be just normal friends :) Okay, so i told Eraine that I never look forward to Mon anymore, but i guess i need to take it back. ;) But what does those words meant on your pm? I guess I would never be able to understand till you are transparent to me.

Okay, so I went tuition at 330plus, lucky i got mum to inform tutor about it.So shuang but i was super sleepy at the last hour of the tuition. Then nothing much lo, dinner, tv and computer. Lols, im like freaking sleepy now... He didnt even mention that he was going off! What a rude person he is.

Okay, i need to get my A4 size exercise book, textbooks and thermometer to school!

Does disturbing me means that sub-consciously you've fallen for me? I remember Jeriah Lee mentioning that when a guy started to like talk back to you, opp of what you say, it actually means that he liked you. Am I right? No more of Jeriah Lee please, cause he isnt that simple. Get your mind off angels, girl!

I knew that i could never suppress my emotions, and i cant let it go. I tried looking for someone to text to, but i cant. I decided to go online and type it out here and before i could do so, im so glad to have someone to be able to let me say it out. Cause somehow, typing here with i dont even know who is reading and it makes me feel so secretive to be typing here.

For once, James, Im sorry for bullying you in the past. It may sounds as though you're dying but i knew it wouldnt happen right? If not i lend you my angels to protect you. Oh man, for once im gonna say i do love you though you always bully me when i stayover at your house. For once, i think that my last stay with you was great cause you became more masture. You made me feel important because when your mum and I refuse to sleep in your room, you bacame a little boy angried with someone not buying you toy. Thanks alot for making me feeling so important when i was missing him. Thanks alot, boy.

Okay, so i guess i feel so much better after truthfully telling only one person. I mean, at least i manage to pour it our, somewhat. I didnt expect to be able to tell out truthfully, I seriously didnt. I meant i got someone in mind to talk to but am afraid to text him, so i looked for others and i didnt expect to be talking to the former one. I know its ridiculous to type this out but i dont see why i should hide anymore. Cause before i managed to get to talk to someone, i was like, oh man whoever gonna pei me talk im like so going to love that person, got the urge to hug lo cause its like i managed to get the rock outta my heart :) Thanks :) I cant believe I revealed his relationship with me, i mean i didnt want to but hahas, im so happy i did :) It felt so great.

It was meant to be a great day today, but James' news really shocked me before i could typed out how eventful today was.

Updated : Okay, the whole chunk of things i typed were gone but oh well its okay, it was like a moment of anger, cause i got dao-ed by *, but before i could post it, * replied. Okay, I couldnt hold my tears back and disturbed another person, i mean yeah, thats what i do when someone seemed to be fierce to me or dao-ing me, then i go on to finding another person to pour out to. I cant never pour out to the kiddo who is so blur about his surrounding, so immature. James' dad called again! I did a good deed by looking out for KK's number. Trust yourself, everything will be fine! Your tears willl be worthwhile. Trust yourself, girl! You aint the little girl who went crazy over *, the girl who missed * badly, the girl who thought that she could not bother about * anymore. I promise I will update properly soon.

Hahas, God send us his shower of blessings today before the kiddos headed to the place they dread the most - school. What a special way for me to start my post today. Hahas, it was quoted from Mrs Leong, if anyone did noticed, i seldom use the word 'god', but recently i used alot by saying 'god darn it'. Hahas, yeah, im not anti to it but i just dislike it. Not being religious-list kay.

Okay, today there was this career talk which got me so into angels! Our speaker was Jeriah Lee, and yes im typing like a 3 years old kiddy! Well, the course wasn't that boring and it kept me entertained.

Uncle Jeriah Lee was really pro enough to see through me transparently. :)

1. He couldn't guess how many slibings i have and whether im the eldest, middle or the youngest. His reason was that I think alot that makes it hard to interpret.
2. He mentioned that i didn't like to ask teachers question because i think that they dont understand me. Therefore, even if i managed to ask them i would still think that they dont understand me!
3. He says that there are angels around me! [okay, do not get so work up over this, i have been like brainwashed about it but i guess i dont really believe it after some talkings from 2.]
4. & he mentioned that i am very passionate, [i was shocked! i meant i hid it very well what :) ] and he asked if i hate animals [oh well, i would say so since i run away from them] and said that im more into being passionate to humans.
5. & i asked what does it means when i dreamt of dying and he said it's cause i tried very hard to achieve my goal or sth.
6. He also hit the jackpot by saying i missed my grandpa that is why i dreamt of him. But I dreamt of him on the 2nd or 3rd day he kicked the bucket?

Last 2 periods were more of talking about holiday homeworks and reading newspaper. Had to wait a freaking long for a bus and it was darn stupid to be on the same bus as 'disturber K', somehow his friend seemed to know something -.- Went to POSB and the queue was long enough for a 30min waiting, and i left since the lady at the counter near entrance said i need my mum's ic, it was like what?! Cause the previous time they mentioned about the need of my mum's signature! Waste of my time but at least i saw YiQun!

Anyway, when i went to school, i saw Junren!!! Wanted to talk to him but i was chewing my bread and it looked unglam! Hahas, okay, then the bus came and he didnt board! I thought i could go to school with him! I hate it when Jurongville Sec moved to Boon Lay! Oh man, i would definitely missed the days when Terry gets to make me smile on the way to school, Junren taking the same bus home with me, & supposed to be able to walk me home - Weiliang, the guy who is as white as a sheet of paper - Darius and girls like Chloe, Yiting and Vanessa. Hahas, HongKah shift back also no use, cause only got Yiqun and Qi-, hahas, i dont even know his name in full, except that he is QiRui's brother. Hahas!

Went home and watched Hi My Sweetheart, for like 4 parts and it was s-o-t and i was stupid tired! :( So, i napped before reaching tuition a little late! Hahas, had a great time today, but i got my feelings messed up! :( Hahas, actually i was super interested in the talk about how to see whether a girl/guy likes the opposite sex, but i didnt pay any much attention to it! I missed that! If not i can make use of that to clear my doubts that i had last year!

Went to Evangeline's house after tuition to get some books from her. Hehes. & I seriously got very freaked out by my texts today :S

Labels: Career talk by Jeriah Lee