Thanks for telling me :) Guess I can carry on my life with fun and laughers and love and erase you from my mind. At least I trust you were being truthful to me just now. Let's hope whatever that is sweeet will remain in our mind. Thank you for everything and for the last time, I really did love you wholeheartedly before :)

Update : Wasnt this what you wanted? Now why are you sabotaging me? I didnt do any wrong to you. I merely gave up, wasnt that the perfect ending? Why did it seemed that my 6th sense is right, things arent that simple? :(

I fhatezxcz you! :@

I hate how blinded imma :( Despite much comparision, im still blind and took the wrong path. Totally got no mood to post about the past few dayszxczx norh :( Maybe, i guess, its time to look for Boon up already. :( :( :( I hate how after months and the first meet up of the year will be a v sad one but i need someone by my side now :(

Stop hurting me.

Still thought can post today norh, ended up busy msn'ing and fb'ing. Somehow blogging doesnt seemed so routine anymore. Or maybe its becuse its weekend?

Self reminder :
English tuition homework
Chinese wkbk & newspaper & report writing(?) read-up
@$#^$ Geog overdued work
Chem textbook & workbook & tys
Maths textbook and wksht

Just in time finished english proposal, which i forgotten about it! & i wasnted to say sleep early when its 11:54 now :( Misses. :(

Let's hope tomorrow will be a better day.
Sister ate up all my battery for my DSi and now im left with nothing tmr.
Gonna mug in the bus tmr and then DSi on the way home, im so gonna charge my DSi overnight :x My new toy :D

I promise to blog about the past few days soon :)

I fmiss my grandpa :(

I hate Chemistry and Imma so going to drop to combine science.

Consecutively sad-ded for 3 days :@

Indeed you brought a smile on my face, but it wore off before I could even 'copy' it into my mind. I realised that I was nothing but a fool and I still love him. :(

I'm so sorry, sis. I know how scary and worrying it is for you to see me crying like thiszxc. But just dont give a single damn about me, or ask me.
I know you will be able to see this. :s

p/s : Where in the world is Shawn is manzxc :@

Regret is the excuse for a loser.

I find it to hard to apologise to D&M, because Im too stubborn, I decided to hide in a corner and continue bleeding. Its all because I dream too much, I think too much, it caused so me too much hurt. I hate how sad I was when I just woke up, then I started to think how sad I was, tears didnt give me any face and appeared. Imma so sorry, but can you just like let me be alone, and not bother me till you can see the hyper me is back? I know how many people are asking me, why am i so emo? I prefer the hyper and cheerful liqing. Omg, I didnt expect such a reaction but seriously I love those who told me that.:* I know how worrying it is, I know. I really know!
I really know how hurt darling and Shawn got when they knew what happened, but then the girl who lied about being very okay, isnt doing anything wrong because all she wants is you guys to be happy. If lying can make everyone except myself happy, the question is : Why not? :s

I know how D sees how sad I was, and how hard he tried to cheer me up, including that blur sister of mine. I know how M saw what I did to those scars, how sad she felt? I dont know whats the apt word to use, but I know when she saw me lying on the bed, trying so hard to not face the reality, it worries her. The past me, who used the blanket to serve as a protection, didnt want it anymore, instead I decided to use another method. Cuddling, not facing the world, just continue hiding, thats me. For once, give up on me please, i know how useless i am, and i will continue being that.

The reaction I got by knowing the SPA test is nearing, is alr freaking me out. All the more, i will not face the reality. I hate how much I thihnk, that always lead me to crying like hell...

If only James didnt leave earlier just now, or maybe Wynie, I would wanna hug either one to sleep, making myself feeling a little more blessed. I dont knwo hwo to even start telling Wynie, what happened when I was alone. Sooner or later, the cries is enough to keep me dehydrated alr! Or maybe Ethan is still the best? Those kisses... cant be any sweeter than from anyone else.

Rather bad a day to start with :@ Science lessons were making me sleeppppyyyyyyyyy. That I wanted to go to the library to sleep, ended up i brought a stack of books to study there while Nicholas brought a few pieces of paper only! No aircon, make me worse, if there is, I guess I would wanna sleeppppp even moreeeeeeeee. I simply cannot concentrate in class. Wasnt even suppose to be attending school de norh :X On the other hand, I guess I did learn sth, maybe that can like motivate me to go to school? I've lost my motivation since...

CME was the best, slack and i did roses :) Hehehes. Maybe that lesson was the best, cause at least i was kept entertained :) Super bored now... Glad that we didnt had to stay back for physic :) At least I get to rush home to see Wynie one last time, together with James and his family plus 3rd Aunt :) Uncle also dont know why so rush, need rush home de -.- Nevermind, i get to stop thinking when im like forcing myself to sleep later :D Something to be happy about. Gastric pain is not doing any justice! Because I went to the library and skipped my recess, the pain is killing me -.- Text is like coming in so frequent, yet I dont feel entertained -.- Dump it man.

Why so serious? I still dont think Imma in the wrong...

I hate how no mood I have now! Wth.

I seriously want darling and E now! :@ I gotta forget my past alr. I just realise how soon it will be O level, and I got so panick when Chiang talked about it then I wished I could dash out of the classroom.

p/s : Seriously Bitch(II), I know how not happy you are of me, but stop rubbish-ing about me and him, when he isnt even worth being my toy to let me play larh! I mean, you so feng over him, then go ahead :) No point telling others about my story, though I know many girls envy larh hor. Seriously, you are nothing but a bitch. Opps, or maybe bitch is not even enough? Its really good to have bitches keeping me entertain when there is no guy to entertain me worh. :x Darn you farse.

Since I've got nothing to do now, and is waiting for Eric's family to be back home, may as well upload some photos :) Somehow, somewhat still quite down, but T can really make me feels better. At least, he dont make me sad hor :x

On the scond day of CNY, the little kiddo entertained me and not my hp :x Baby Kai <3

:( :( :(

Seriously got freakingzxczxz no mood. :( :( :( I cant wait for him to be back! Want die alr. Somehow, somewhat, no mood for schoolzxcvzx again :( Why in the world did he went back to M'sia for CNY! :( I freakingzxzc told a lie today. Slap me please :(

Love is nothing but a game; where we serves as nothing or maybe just a companion to keep the game going.

Boring! When I dont go grannies' house, there is like nothing for me to do! Going to dont know which hotel for high tea later, like seriously, i havent done a single homework and am starting to panic alr! Wait, my dad is worrying about it more than me! Hahahas. :@ I want to go find Eric's family soon! However, must wait until hightea over first. Double sian! No blogging bug!

Misses<3

Hates peer pressurezvzxcxves! Hates people who assume everything!

I just happen to saw photos of Ethan and Granny! Awww, I miss those moemnt. Esp how granny was in the past :( Despite it being CNY now, I really wanna go to the cemetery, :@, no one will bring me go one norh! :@ I miss my grandpas! :( :( :(

You dont have to avoid me because of that.
Then I would rather be a baddie instead :x

I WANT ETHAN! :(

What am I doing?
Serious moodswing.

p/s : gonna bring my lappy over to granny's house :D (I know its d-u-m-b)

There is a kind of people, who can be very perfect in your eyes, yet you never know how imperfect they are. They act to be so good in front of you only.
There is also another kind of people, who can just be himself in front of you. Regardless if it is good or bad, glam or unglam. At least, he is himself.
Therefore, which will you choose?

I thank you for everything.
Thanks for the happiness and the cheering up.
For this, I gotta tell you that I really love you :)

p/s : I almsot forgotten that it is Vday after a sleep!

I don't demand for a lot, I only want someone to hug me tightly and never let me go till my heart is healed.

I dont like how hurt I felt.
I dont like how easily I can cry.
Nor do I like how happy/piss I am that would eventually lead me to crying like madzxzcxzzcx.

This year CNY, doesnt make me anticipate much esp when my Mr Eric isnt back too.
I only need someone to hold me tightly and tell me how important I am, tell me how useless he is, tell me to not bother about him and change to the hold-er.
I hate how I can feel that my heart is shattered into zillions.

Happy Chinese New Year & Valentine's Day!

Hahhas, Chinese New Year Eve was mainly using laptop at home and then preparing for reunion dinner at Park Royal Hotel. Hahhahas, please dont link with the one that hyss brought us to. Mine was opposite Haji Lane, but was rather pityful that I didnt get to go Haji Lane to shop. Went to Chinatown aftermath, wanted to go M'sia but decided to go on the first day of CNY.

Dinner was superb fun, cause family really had a great talk and laughs too. However, was a little of no mood state despite having out reunion dinner at a hotel. Was supposed to have at other hotels when they were like fully booked! This time round was more meaningful cause it was held at a ballroom and there was performance which actually i find them extras! Hehehes. Anyway, Dad talked about someone in particular and was very shocked to know that we havent been interacting. However, does he really how I sad I was over this? I would prolly say, yes, my dad does know about everything. Esp when on the eve of CNY, I could like cry infront of my laptop.

I've got no idea why my mind was thinking about sth in particular, or rather someone. The whole of the second half of the day. Anyway, i was so not use to not texting, I mean I did but the one who accompanied me was someone else. I really want those who went to M'sia to be back norh. Out of 3, 1 came back and 2 are those that Imma anticipating, wonder how sister is over there now and how he is. I need him to really forget every hurtful stuff that happens.

i seriously hope that the moment i wake up later, will be like yesterday, where i receive you message the moment i opened my eyes and checked my handphone.

p/s : i dont feel like going M'sia later, cause that would mean not using my handphone which defeats the purpose of owing one.

You Are An ESTP


The Doer

You are adventurous and risk taking. You act first, think second.
You love being the center of attention. You were probably the class clown.
Competitive, charming, and charismatic - you have your own code of honor.
You live a flexible life, bouncing between a series of activities that interest you.

In love, you are a master seducer... and quite manipulative when you want to be.
If someone loves you, you'll only believe their actions. Words don't mean a whole lot to you.
At work, you are a "people person." You're especially good at getting people to do what you want.

You would make a great salesperson, marketing director, or entrepreneur.
How you see yourself: Reasonable, proficient, and tough
How other people see you: Flaky, unrealistic, and untrustworthy

Did I mentioned that I felt so damn freaking happy when everyone is telling me one by one for the gift I gave :) One by one. & it was made with L-O-V-E by yours truly daxiaojie :)

I think I've to see the whole picture clearly and then forget about it cause I know Wynie<3 will stays by my side during this period of being down.

Oh man, praise me, cause I comfirm someone is jealous of me cause of him :x LOL, cant be bothered with her.

Update :

Imma just toooo bored that I wanna post and post and post :)
This part is actually dedicated to shujuan.

ShuJuan! You're very dumb! :* If you knew Imma always that sad, why didnt you come and anwei wo! Why did you only tell me everything only like yesterday?! Why did you always like make me 'angry' with you for not accompanying me during recess. Why? Why did you always let me accuse you when you could just say you aint obliged to pei me?! :X Why werent you by my side everytime I cry. How could you just hide everything from me, making me thinking that you dont know me well. I was that close to crying like madxzcxz when I saw that letter. Even Eraine was like, 'Eh why ShuJuan write so long for you one.' Seriously, girl, my love for you cant be written down here so easily cause you know too much of me (despite me hiding that much). I promise you that I wouldnt think of him anymore but instead you :*

For every minute you are angry with someone, you lose 60 seconds of happiness that you can never get back.
Then how many years have i lost?


I was freaking happy over my new bought camera just because its Canon and its Ixus 200. :x But now it doesnt cheer me up anymore, even if Daddy could buy me the whole world, i wouldnt be happy. (Stop dreaming.)
 
Realised that I haven't been blogging since wed :D Cause I was busy on Thurs, having to stay back for Chemistry and helping out at NAPFA, like seriously, I've got better things to do but cause of a particular reason and someone in particular, i did stayed back to help out for the Gold Boys only. That was my main motive. Didnt regret though i could hardly squeeze out any time for the preparation of Vgifts! :) I went to 5tou to get my chocochip and went home straight, i miss two 157, mind you! :@ Then I quickly started off doing my rock cookie, i wanted to make muffine but comfirm nice but ugly! Hahhaas.
 
I spent like an hour on getting the right texture which nearly kills me and I was almost late for tuition, cause I managed to board the bus, I think? What was more pissing is that right after tuition, I went to get the wrapping plastic, and went home but after that within 30mins i dashed outta the house to get ribbon and i went there all by myself! Seldom will I go out alone nor go home alone except going to and fro tuition. The packing part was worse especially when I was tired enough to sleep early, I still went ahead with everything and made the cards. Amongst them, one of the card i did thrice cause of the smirch? smurch? Slept so late norh, okay after midnight but I was really busy throughout the whole week which in fact normally by Wed, i would be drop dead and yet I was so persistent in doing the gifts. Reason was, last year in HuaYi and I dont expect myself to meet up with anyone of them anymore :x
 
Friday, 6 hours of marathon tuition straight that caused Dad to be a little unhappy :( Seriously, even if I were him, I would be very displease, so tiring mind you! & I could have just skipped CCA but I went ahead with it. Auntie was so good lurh, to allow me leave early which I saw no purpose in it and stayed back longer. Despite having nothing to do except homework, I was late for tuition. It was like Physic, Chemistry, combined recess which ended up slacking at 4E3, celebration which was a total bored that I was texting numerous number of people and ended up going over to Syafiq's side thanks to Marcus (miss my handphone more than me. btw, his hair is ugly :x), tehtarik with Nicholas and then asked Lifang along and ate with Kenneth with Junwen (I know it seemed so impossible to eat with them :x), CCA (labelling of shelves that ended up cutting myself and doing of homework -.-), Physic tuition, Amaths tuition, and then Dad drove me to Chemistry tuition (which we got 'scolding' for talking right infront of the tutor -.- and my handphone died on me for the last 30mins), then MRT-ed to batok and Mcdonald at the one near house then doing vain stuff under a void deck - painting of nail, which eventually I removed upon reaching home, accompanied Mille to bustop and went home a-l-o-n-e. Miraculously, I walked home doing nothing, in the past would be like talking on phone or messaging but this time round i did none. Dont I deserve a praise? The route was hell scary please, not a single soul except some beng or uncle sitting at the chair next to the court, mad scary lurh. By the way, I charged my handphone for the whole night but it went dead on me after 14hours of texting and its the screen or what that used up my battery. But at least I got Millie with me to kill my boredom though I was like hoping my handphone to be solar and it was in the day so that I could get its life back.
 
Miraculously, i didnt mention how sad i was. :(

Trade for Hugs?

Hahahhahahas, Imma a little not so depress now :) Stupid lor, went to school dont know how many people comment on my hair. the darn Yuting say its ugly when Adrain say its so japanese and Mocha say its cute. Freak, i think my very chio leh :x Please lorh, the fringe is like freaking bold okay, but i never blow it larh, so cnt see. -.-

Super piss okay. Its like when i got down from 187, WeeLee, Zhaoyi, Lifang and Peirong are making commotions over it! Then go class also, Geknian, Thantsoe and Adrain. Zai hor, so notice my hair one hor. T was worse, gave ma a freaking shock face -.- Hahahhahs, Nicholas was dumb, you cut your hair? So cute, same for Jieying. Opps, i nearly talked about bitch, jieying seriously should give me a joker award for her to stay happy always, but i need to credit bitch larh! Hahahhas, but i like how Mocha say its cute but dont need laugh? Liting say until like my hair not nice, very sad leh. Last time hair style very bold now more simple except fringe like not hiong enough!

Anyway, there is napfa tomorrow, hehehehehs, i can skip :) But I want help out and beo leh, for 15 mins will do then i want go home rush out my gifts. Imma putting effort okay! Sian, my file is my middle finger that thick and i have yet to do my work and filing -.- -.- -.-

Physic supp after school, quite pekcek until Khiameng also cant tahan! Seriously whats the commotion about when one skips school? Plus tomorrow i need to stay back for Lye, Adlin and Chiang. Nice one, can i like dont attend school anymore?

Uncle Ron is back, should have tagged along with Dad to look for him but why aint my Eric back? I thought USA always pon school one :( Awwww, I miss him :x But I miss someone else more. :*

Love is understanding, acceptance, and tenderness. If it tries to strangle and possess, it is not love

I freaking cutxzcx my hair, not cause i was determined to get a new life but a new look. Imma not ready for a new life till after chinese new year but i dont want to disappoint darling :(

Like seriously, school was waste of my time and i was feeling sleepy throughout that i kept wanting to sleep during assembly which freaking wasted 30mins or rather an hours of my precious time! And i was an hour late for my appt for ipl? Lucky there wasnt much people and after that i totally felt so shiok cause somehow im on the right track to the right life and i went for a haircut. Didnt look for Richard alr! Got another guy, super flirt, sweet talk and really his hand hor, must keep to himself. -.- But overall he not bad larh, super sweet lorh, hahahahhas, then he super gien one, want try this and that hairstyle so its like it became not as simple as what we designed it to be. Quite a bold hairstyle for the fringe but the back was simply simple. Hahahhahas, super bored de him started to request to style for me. Dumb larh, i was wearing super unglam cause near my house marh, then ended up the hair dont go with the attire. Lucky, no one familar saw me in that hairstyle, too wild for school alr. Hehehhehes.

Anyway, i was punctual for school when that dumb Choy got me to stand at the back of the hall, nice one :) Hahahhahahahhas, dumb larh, but what's more dumb is to see some disgusting people, i mean to see a disgusting person. Hahahhahahahs, but being that punctual does bring me joy too, cause i get to see someone early in the morning what! Hahahahhahahs, then i was wondering if i never lend my tie to Janniza, will late or not ah? But I think i too irresistable for Choy to not catch me. And the dumb Razak say i never button my shirt, please larh, i not so horrible to not button the last button larh, so ugly nor would i be so open or daring to not button all the way, if not i think i can die if i does that in school larh. Stupid dog.

Next is the world class airport larh, now even T is also not happy lorh, seriously. I can make the whole world hate that bitchxzcxx esp when she is so not likeable alr plus today still purposely act so sweet with him during assembly right infront of laoniang leh!

I have not done any homework yet and imma waiting fo rmy dumb hair to dry larh, who ask the stylist go style style style, all the wax and hairspray super extra, if not tmr go sch hair cfm curly like hell, which i think many would find me super weird larh. But fringe is very short and im the first for the hairstylist to cut that hairstyle for the fringe :) Who ask him always cut the 'W' shape de but mine is almost can say it's slant.

Imma superb tired yet im still busy entertaining Mocha! (You btr see this hor, i really wei le you nv offline!)

So imma done with 2 stuffs outta everyt that i shld be doing for cny. I havent even prepare the gifts! Spells d-i-e!

Imma so worried. So scare, fearful.

I didnt expect to be crying like shitzxzcxzx when i see thsoe photos last night. Then I was super tired after whole day out but i was so scare of sleep because i expected an nightmare. I had a real sweet dream of me and him but when i woke up, its the same feeling of fear. I knew it would never happen and those sweet moment is impossible. So fearful, so afraid, that thinking back can cry one.

Went for taichi in the morning, i was early okay! By 15mins somemore, something to be proud of but dad drove me there -.- Went to Teban for brunch - roasted duck. Near CSS. Anyway, tuition was cancelled.

Kinda worried for today that i nearly rushed home to wanna use the laptop or look for someone. Damn, why am i so worried. Prolly cause I've been thru and somehow somewhat, its really saddening to be so confused.

I sdtill believe that promise are never true, they are meant to be broken :( Why dont people have the thinking that they should only promise one if its to their capability. Indeed promise is a lie, but it can also motivate one.

Maybe after some thinking, 'consolling' my friend, i saw the picture. Maybe, its somewhat like my situation so i saw it. How worthy? Its not worthy for me to give up esp when im not able to do it. Therefore, i will never promise that i will be giving up. I dont like how i dont dare to trust others because of fearing of being lied to. Why aint everyone trustful? Why people tend to make empty promise.

Wanting to end abruptly here. Rather do my nails and go msia to get that pair of shoe later, and i must shop whole day tmr!

I'll be lying if i said i didnt cry at all today :'(

Even Ethan's cheerfulness didnt cheer me up. Wth? I so long never see him, he now dont want stick to me already! Hmpf! But I really quite high today already. But when I saw those photos I couldnt help but to cry. I decided to give up, which in the end i will not :)

Let me go into details today. I freaking slept at 1am, and dont know which idiot ask me online ended up dozing off before me, causing me to sleep late. Piss no. 1. Then I went to bed right before my parents came back cause i couldnt be bothered to wait for them alreadyyyy.

I freaking got woken up by Mummy at 7! What the hell? Weekday early wake up, now my sat which i can wake up at 11, also need to be sacrificed. I didnt pon the course today :) but the whole world was waiting for me cause i didnt ran after my bus :) Dumb lorh. Then to Singapore Discovery Centre (SDC) :) So people who kept accusing me for not going to class outing, should stop doing that. & those who are angry with me for not meeting up with them today should stop being angry cause i've got a reunion dinner.

We had break at 10 to 1030 and 2 to 230pm. In which from 12 to 1 we had our lunch, and Mrs Kwok treated us to Sarpino's. She was being real kind today, and i got my first packet of mint choco of the year :) Which i think i ate a quarter of the packet -.-  Fat! Okay, i was really high that i said many ridiculous thing. When lunching, i was saying Dave is my boyf and Mrs Kwok didnt give him a single face and asked me to choose someone better! Hehes! I went around playing with the cane during the second break and laughed like mad. The sec 3 guys were thinking that i was a mental retard? I jitao hit the cane onto the table and shout at them. I was crazy! &&& I think Melissa today very kind lorh, cause we never talk at all since we dont know each other but now i find her as friendly as Louis :) I was even more rude to Keith and Alex. I really think that Alex is a nice name but not for those people, cause its my dad's name.

Wth? HE CAN REALLY PISS ME OFF! & Fangfang say i was toooooooo obvious. Wayyyy toooooooooo obvioussssssssss to showing my displease with him, but i dont like attention seeker or people who acts that they know me. Even fangfang started to fear him when he kept getting close to him. Just give him a kick larh. I know his moustache really disgust alot of girlssssss :X Imma veryyyyy rudeeeeeeee, so what can u do to me? Slap me arh? Let me tell you, i got no face one, im not the past me anymore. Hensen was worse, keep saying i crazy, awhile laugh like hell, awhile emo, awhile angry etc. I was kept occupied with my hp today, but it nearly died on me. Lucky it didnt!

Let me continue nagging about that dumb guy. Then when i started taking photo with Dave during lunch when we went to 365tibits, he came and popped his face, damn it larh. Disgust me! Its like I and Dave, then one sooooooooo extraaaaaaaa came in. While walking back to room etc, also like that. Very pissing de larh. Keith was okay, just that he does thing way toooooooo much but he is kind de :)

Its not i biased okay, i was super fair and i observe again, the Alex can piss me further if he say 'hi, liqing.' once more, seriously he make me wanna slap him1 But i wouldnt make my nice small cute hand to be filthy, like i got nothing to do.

Today's course, i learn precisely nothing. *skips* I blame myself for not bring a digital camera to take photos today! Then what was more pissing was that dad reached home and i told him to come fetch me at huayi then he reached and waited for 10mins, i told him to go home and i told him to go grandma's house first and i was supposed to cab to redhill ended up to tiong :) If Mrs Kwok didnt went tiong then i prolly ended up in redhill and mrt-ed to town to meet Mocha already. Many asked me out today, and i promise Fangfang saw how pissed i was, cause i was too greedy and i wanted to gek someone. Walked to tiong, still tempted to meet Mocha leh, but that time i was very feverish -.- Dumb, now the fever is gone already. [freaking pissed until crying now. wth?]

I was so glad that no one reprimanded me or rather nagged over my sch uniform cause their kids grown up then wear until like that, already cant say me, i mean they understand alr. But it was really pissful to wear school uni to grandma's house cause i wanted to surprise them with what im going to wear next week -.- Nevermind. So dumb lor, wanted to snip my hair off, then while looking at the jap salon, henry and fanny were in there and quite crowded, so i didnt bother. Then super tempted to go snip, so after dinner, watched tv and when i asked henry about the haircut, i decided to not cut liao. The cost was damn ex for him larh, cause of cny and the increment, aunts were saying dont cut there so i decided not to. Ethan's hair which was like nothing? spent 25 bucks at orchard, i mean if you see his hairstyle is totally nth one larh, mum also know how to cut lorh.

So throughout i was pondering whether to hit town to meet Mocha :( Which eventually i didnt cause Mrs kwok and I dropped off at tiong which i need not take mrt anymore! So abit lazy, plus she ensured that i walked to my grandma's hosue before leaving, so bobian. Reached granny house also tired alr, plus feverish. Imma repeating!

Quite happy cause i talked to some of my cousins :) Fanny and Henry, Kelly and Shannon :) Angel, needless to say, comfirm will talk de. Jacob and Francis is like never will i talk to them. Peipei, hahahs depends. But Fanny kinda piss cause i thought he went to perm his hair! But i admit i super like his hairstyle, super GuJunPyo style worh! Hahahahs, one day must take photo with him :) Ethan didnt even give me goodbye kiss lorh, only when playing ice then play with me. Tmd?

I super feel bad for not meeting Nicholas at IMM and town. Class outing? Hahahhahs, to put in bluntly, it doesnt matter whether i went or not but i think if i went town comfirm meet dao them which someone eventually did. But dont know if someone else was there larh. Okay wait, i think some friends are sooo cute, cause got class outing to town yet some went on their own. Super cute de, thumbs up. :x

Totally regretted for not leaving after reunion dinner for town, super regret when going home didnt went town. So many times that i got the chance to leave but i dont know why i didnt. At least I talked to cousins, at least Geoffrey said that pei family. At least i did think i did the right thing, cause im afraid sth will happen this year. I even talked to cousin-in-law and is he talked to me de!

Okay wait, cause i was wearing my school uniform! Anyway i freaking act CEO, wore 2 CEO badges, super cool de i tell you. Told you alr, during the course i super high, screaming, zihigh. But i admit talking to xiaoqi that one i was v piss and sad though she assured me what i thought is not true? I dont know!

The cut is hurting me larh, dont know who that they say i orbi, thinking i zisa. Dont know who that day never concern me and dad was the most observance one! Now dont know who dont believe me i accidentally hit dao the cut again -.-

Is my emotions that unstable? I guess so. Imma left with 7 more days. I dont wanna break the promise i made to bestie. I promise I will cheer up and not emo anymore but imma crying everyday, imma crying over the pictures!

f you fill your heart with regrets of yesterday and the worries of tomorrow, you have no today to be thankful for.

See my chio tweety plaster? Dad gave it to me :*
If only someone could get me more chio plasters :)
While typing this, Imma on the verge of crying, tears rolling out in seconds time.

Can I ask you guys to not mention how much your moments are? I seriously dont know what is wrong with me today and this week! I got so many sweet moments but imma always writing how sad imma.

I was so determined to quit tuition just now. Cause Millie told me something and i guess i was too jealous of them already. Somehow I felt that he lied to me! I was real angry, sad and piss. I ended up being so weakling unable to punch the target. Anyway, i walked to court from MRT, the route without louis and qinjiang make it so creepy. I was so piss that i kept thinking of sparring with chunfong and punch with all my force. In the end, he knew i was very unhappy and he allowed me to use the target and continously hit his abdomen, seriously i felt so bad but he ensured me that it was to allow him to train his muscle or whatsoever. Kind of him but it didnt help me alot, just a single bit. I hate how he can affects me larh, that cause chunfong to be my punching bag like that! Thinking back, chunfong really did tried to cheer me up. Then I didnt accompany Hanwei to the bustop because i needed my laptop desperately! Yeah for msn -.-

Now, imma suppose to sleep early cause i gotta go singapore discovery centre at 830, reaching hyss at 815. Whats worse is to go to grandma house in sch uni for reunion dinner, yeap in advance. I comfirm kena criticised until useless zhabor one. Whats with my sch uni attire, when imma alr dressed prefect for sch. Some people just like to picks on my dad's girl -.- & my parents aint back from their 'date', dumb, so late alr! No one to off my lights and see me to bed -.- I havent even inform them what to do tomorrow. To pick me up from sch or what? Not a single bit of information told to them! :@

I hate how you can affect me sooo much that I can d-i-e.
Now Imma wondering to go school on Mon or not?!

Soon I be so crazy to say i love guailan boy. Forget it, now im super piss. Dont know is feeling being make used or cuase of my finger bleed. Its hurting me so much then i screamed @^^@% times already. After CCA, went to chat with Peirong then vb match then did homework. Guai me right? But i guess its cause messaging therefore my finger is still hurting soooo muchhh that i cant take it. Super piss okay! I havent dont my tuition homework.

Imma still missing you. Now I believe absence make the heart fonder despite last time absence make my mind blank. Cause i totally forgotten about everything!

Quite excited for the weekends!

Am I really jealous? Why in the hell am i so jealous and flaring up?! What am i doing?! Have some limit please, dumb me!  Can you just treat me better, and lets not dao each other anymore?

Anyway the most pissing thing of the day, who on earth would be so stupid than a mental retard to actually not know that a one word reply is alr a very dao action of mine alr? I would not be as bad as what my friends taught me to do but i will continue acting as the baddie. Say whatever you want, cause i dont mind. In fact, you aint even worth a toy to me :) Can I say, that i hope for no one to anyhow malign me and think that imma talking about you.

Now I got Yeesan, Yuting and Xinyi to agree that Taylor Swift is chio.
I think i still prefer being angmoh norh! In com lab now and imma having difficulty typing thanks to my cut finger! :@

Super high esp during physic at the lab talking abt breast implant. I've been talking about boobs twice in 24h alrd! Hehehehehehs. Admit today was super sad. Esp when texts came coming in... Imma still angry okay, i must still resist talking! Though Imma giving in liao. :@ Piss Piss Piss! Not sure going tuition not, cause Millie's mummy say the tutor not good -.- Sian lorh. No shuai ge one, always text all the way and now my current homework i dont even know how to do. Dumb tutor! I must tahan kay! I really hope someone can be my helper to actually break someon's heart :D

Thanks Mocha for the recommendation for this song :x
Imma mad crazy over Taylor Swift, irresistable.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you’ve ever had.

That's you! LX<3! Now Imma wondering should i do any stuff for friendship day? So cute right, friendship day... :x

ahahhahahas, the girl who caused me to get misunderstanding from others. I like how you maintain your world class airport. I freaking hate you :( Sad to say, but your airport is maintained so perfect that imma not jealous at all :x (Hahahhahahahhas, im super high. Thanks to Mocha larh :) )

My handphone is really pissing me off so much that i wanna smash it or off it!

Say that my msn font is chio dao super chio liao, including my dp! Ohhhhhh mannnn, Immmmmaaaaa toooo zihigh liao!

Hahahahahhahahahas, im crazy alr. Sad lorh, go back school then someone saw me never talk to me. So many days alr. I very sad. The talk was mad boring, texting all the way, but the reply didnt kept me entertained :@ And its like 45 mins only, still say 2h, waste my time, if not i wouldnt go larh! Alot people pon norh :@ Im so boreddddd... Nah, i can make myself super high now. Okay, shall stop being lame just to to keep myself entertain to forget all the sadness!

Should i go school on mon? :)

I <3 you :S

Suddenly i was thinking, if i went school early, where would i have gone to?

Taylor Swift is mad chio and this MV is so fantasy. :)
It has been 1 week already and Imma still ranting the same old thing to T. I still dont find it my fault larh, esp when you been through what i been through last thursday and understand what i meant on my blog norh. I mean its like, i don thave a wide range of vocabs so you cant blame me if i express myself wrongly. However, i think it only matters how i think of myself, as long as i dont find myself in fault can already.

Expected, i'm still concern about the same old person and same old thing. Xiaoxiong was so cute today! Hahahhas, thanks to that he got himself speechless cause Mdm Lye mentioned 'Zihui', who asked him, wanna say i got angry cause he snatched A away Dumb larh.

Super zihigh today! At least i listen to high-er songs than those emo one. I never cry today kay, so i think i deserve a stick of pocky for not crying and i got myself 4 sticks of pocky because imma so smart yesterday :) All I can remember was PE, dumb! Now Nicholas Soo shall auto pass me vb everytime imma around, but i also dont dare play norh. Thinking back, dont know why my ankle hurts so much. But Imma so high now that i wanna dance! Hahahahhahahas, i shall be super open today! A little regret of going home but lucky got T to pei me chat online, if not i guess i would be in school lib studying with Adrain and co. unless someone was daring enough to ask me pei him, i shy marh :) Seriously, i find my life dont revolve around people who likes me norh, and i super like that. Its about time to post in mandrin once i have the time to on the other laptop of my, if not the ranting would never stop!

I miss Darius.
I miss Hughes.
I miss Junren.
I miss Weiliang.
I miss Junwei.
I miss Junyong.
I miss Linyan.
I miss Cheowyi.

Should have meet up with them now and like go school after the meet up or meet up with Shannon but i thought of napping at home and i ended up onlin-ing.

Seriously, you're right. There're many stuffs in my mind. Useless stuffs~

I miss you. Tell me what i should be doing to forget you.

I need you by my stand, do continue to be by my stand please, despite whatever obstacles that i, you or we need to overcome. :(

I won't leave you de.

How possible is it to not leave? Everyone is leaving me already. Be it he, she, him, her, they, it or you. Everyone is leaving me. In the past, a kindergarten pupil crying in the middle of the night fearing that her parents will abandon her. & now the same thoughts is back. How many friends can possibly stay by my side, esp when i have got such an arse attitude, when i just played, ignored or what as long as there is an opportunity to hurt someone. Worse of all, i find it right to say that im inflicting pain onto a 3rd party when someone just hurts me alot, which is so wrong! So glad that someone did tell me that because if not i would have gone and hurt someone else norh but now i think ignoring is even worse, who ask me? I find the problem myself de, just stand firm on my stand shld be fine? Lixuan never spot check me alr! & Imma back to my old self, maybe cause i forgotten about it? But the wrist seriously looks horrible with all the pokes and lines. Eww. Without her, can i still be so cheerful? Someone who could know what i want without even telling her. Without her, is it possible to continue not inflicting any pain? 'Lucky' is totally making me wanna cry again! I dont know how many timeszxc i cried today already lorh, to think i still tell sister that i wouldnt cry.

Whats worse is that i dreamt the sweetest dream ever but i ended up getting so heartache when i woke up from my nap cause i knew it would never happen esp when the situation is like that alr! Yeap, say i deserve it or what. What i feel bad the most is wronging a person and i even attitude Nicholas today when he was being so kind to me today! How dumb can i be?! And it is like there is an Amaths test today, comfirm fail, break record alr! First failure of the month :( I could hardly laugh or smile today. But B. joke during physic still make me smile, i think what i say is right. No matter how emo a person is, a laughable joke can still make someone laughed. Xiaoxiong and Chonghan was even dumber! China man was able to solve physic question worh, smart. But the other guy was worse, density = 1? If oil is 1g/cm cube then water is 1.5g/cm cube liao lorh. So dumb one... But it was real dumb today, cause despite all the sad sad sad sad things, the dumbest thing on earth can make me laugh. Indeed after laughing, i wanna cry but at least i smiled :) Its like i totally cant talk today, super weak after last night's happening. Also dont know why the wrist hurts so much, then cant talk. Morning also didnt talk much, maybe that explains why Imma even more sad?

Always put yourself in others’ shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.

Ask yourself, do you know how hurtful it was for me? Pen knife shouldnt even have appeared anymore!
 
Today was shuang dao... Though alot of sad sad moment, but at least i took the same bus as Sihan and Imma early! No SC at the gate when i reached kay, but dont know tomorrow how. Hatezxcc thursdayzcxz. Still gotta go home late tomorrow. Next, its Mrs Choy's heel. Next time whenever i hear the same sound, i comfirm run away alr. Suddenly come in class, still talk to me regarding what we were doing. Then when she walked off, i went texting and she came back again. Dumb, i jitao chuatio norh. & I dropped my phone twice already for today only leh! Dumb dumb dumb! Whenever i think of physic supp i really wanna smile, cause it was too dumb to be funny :) Hmm, i even attended today's cca meeting despite having to go after supp and i was late for supp thanks to it also. Good girl right? Suddenly, thought of Adrain that leads to Dawn. Somehow, Dawn super understand me esp when it comes to the common topic. :x
 
Should like stop entertaining myself through blogging despite my handphone stop ringing already! Hehes, to think i was so relunctant to charge it cause i want it to be by my side. & looking at my handphone every moment for the light to light up to signal that there is a text :x Should just dump my handphone lorh.
 
p/s : Can we be like the past? Is it really my fault? But Im like really v sad over it lorh.
 
Is impossible to ignore everything about you because today's action told me that i cant help but to spare a thought for you, worrying about you, wondering how you affected me but does it even bothers you? :(

My wrist hurts so...

:(

:'(

:''(

I promise that I wouldnt cry nor play with pen knife anymore :)


Hahahs, I think that there is a drastic change in my mood now lor. Super happy. Think its because I felt the concern from few then tuition ending part also quite high already? No! I was super down in fact. However, what really sucks is the hiding of something from me, super curious, not the first time already lorh, now wallet also cant see :( Hmpf. Okay, im not quitting physic till a month later, that should be sth for me to be happy about cause i get to see... someone in particular. Despo! Adrain comfirm say this one!


Just now msn conv tgt with him, thantsoe, geknian and xinyi, adrain was keeping mum all the way till i mention the name then he finally reply -.- He aint any better :x Hahhhahas. Tuition was rather boring norh, but i somehoe jiu shi very happy. IF not cause Adrain say Chong better, i wouldnt have been not guailan, would have talked back and just quit everything, but oh well, for my education sake plus my happiness sake? LOL, thats the moment where imma the happiest, pathetic right. Actually got lixuan also super happy de larh.


Now not so emo, so quite excited fro Eric to be back after 18months of not meeting him up. I suspect this time round, comfirm got go their house one, since dad ask mum makes some pineapple tarts for them. Aiyooo, excited! Thats the only thing i can anticipate? Nah, preparing gifts for 140210 :)


Sian, i want people to reply my text. *Hinthint* Then darling so busy with work that she will be texting me, which i expect to be when im alr in lala land!


Suddenly i think that, being happy with the person who does make you happy means that he/she is part of your life. Hahahahs, so random. Suddenly chanced upon a sentence that make me think.


But I shouldnt be thinking to much norh, by 130210, depression must disappear. It really pains me to see how xiadao liting was when i cried and how khiameng tried to call me. It really makes me feel comforted when people text me not to emo thought B. wasnt the one! If he was, i comfirm smile earlier. What hurts me more is darling is too affected by me!! Even texted me up to check my condition. Though I did text her in the morning but she didnt had her phone with her, she still texted me in the night, yeap during tuition time.


p/s : Now I remembered sth, how can Mocha be linked with that guy?! I want an answer. One day, i comfirm want see whats in your pencil and wallet norh! -.- Scarlly is that girl again :(


Recently I've been coming across lots emotional stuffs, and now my mind are all filled with all those negative and hopeless thoughts. I just wonder how am I going to struggle and survived through this new month with such a mentality - depression. But the care i get back should be able to change me?


Hahahas, I cant wait for my handphone to ring! I've been very into Britney Spears recently, i mean i love her alot when i was P1. Hahahs. Dad is super unhappy that I talked abot depression? I dont know leh, in the car, he like not happy that i got such mentality. Nevermind, B.! You must make me happier okay? I must change! Nah, i need support rather. Anyway, i thought pressure is about pascal when now got what PSI or sth? Blur! If I didnt get to chance about the pressure thingy then i wouldnt even know about PSI :x Oh man, im finding myself super kampong. Reminds me of.... *ahem* (Millie knows the best) :)


Aint blonde and brunette the prettiest kind of girl? :x
Ohh i chanced upon a article and it mentions that guys prefer girls with long hair than short and straight then curl. I think curl super chio lorh! I even regretting rebonding my hair which looks like shitzxcsx now.

It doesnt matter anymore cause i feel more hurt whenever i think of you and her. Totally shattered. To think i was still happy and smiling just now. Forget it!

Dont ask me how it feels like to be loved, care for and concern for.
For I've lost touch with that feelings since decades...

Very bad starting for a new month :( Just spent 2hours on FB again! *slaps*

Okay, real bad starting for today. Cried twice, maths and chinese lesson. Emo till i starting bitching about this girl cause i dont like how she gave the seductive look to B.. Yeah, i not happy, cannot ah? Still so close somemore -.- I jealous can? Plus, people are telling me so many different stories about Chong, making me so messed up on the current situation, just today is the last lesson for physic eh? I comfirm will cry one norh. & I didnt dao him as promised! But at least i feel happy for that second then sad cause of Chong, i freaking hate Chong :@

Depression really sucks.

I cant remember what i wanna write alr, guess will update at night again :)

Guess Adrain cant take how i blabbered throughout the whole trip home on the bus. Opps, Dawn wouldnt mind one hor? Hahas.

Before I really forgets what i wanna write later.

Lesson learnt from last night, never tell Lixuan how sad Imma alr. I didnt expect to affect her about my depression.

So sorry, girl. But I promise you, for your sake i will continue my life like how cheerful i was despite B.'s ignorance towards me, despite his dao and everyt. I cant promise that I will not let them affect me cause I really got affected! But I will try to not even bother about those stuff for i know it's not worth crying all day long, not worth getting a depression and i should fight against it. For those who standed by me side, i shouldnt give myself up right? So, promise me for now, dont ever let me affect you for everyone has their own path to take and sooner or later we have to be seperated. Go bother about him instead :) I'll be fine.