Im glad that i did not post yesterday.
If not all is emo emo emo post again!
However, I still feel sad?
Ehh! or maybe Im extremely happy?
Whatever! it is just that Im extremely happy after chi? recess? maths?
haha, i dont know! but i know many know what make my day.
Well, i shant say it out here! shy leh, you know?
But but but, im super sick right now.
I've been wanting to vomit since last night
ever since i started eating after more than 10 hours of gastric pain and starvation!
Yeah right! Because i was super super super super sad yesterday!
So, i decided to make myself suffer + i had no appetite at all!
Yesterday! during recess i thought i should suffer, so i bought sth to eat!
How i know i was the slowest to finish when i thought others were fast!
Since then i didnt eat all the way after class, after being persuaded to eat!
After school i stayed back to accompany litiang,
bought the avocado juice, gosh its disgusting after drinking half of it.
then back to class to slack and then litiang left for sth for awhile,
so left me and zk only D;
talked stuffs which i didnt expect to talk about
and theres this auntie whom timing so accurate,
came and asked us pack up! bloody!

I dont know who to blame!!!!!
If only i never talk about L durin tuition.
If only i didnt take his papa car.
If only we didnt talk about prom night.
If only i didnt talk about that.
If only i didnt care about you.
If only i didnt msg you.

HAHA! what for am i so concern? stupid me!
in the end what i got in return were stabs.
okay okay, i think i better clarify by myself first..
the msg received didnt really mean anything.
i mean one can just forget about it easily.
but is different to me cause its you who send it,
not others.
whoever also can tell me that,
but not you!
cause im deeply in love with u liao,
or rather deeply fallen in love with you liao!
i dont mind saying that,
cause i cant hide it anymore!
actually im not saying that theres anything wrong with the msg.
but were u just purely telling me the reason?
cause i asked u in the car, but u didnt tell mi?
so whn i msged u my concern,
u told me the reason?
but i dont c the reply to my concern?
i think i would also want the reply to that.
and then u said that it wasnt lecture.
so i would say i take that as concern for me?
well, indeed i need to say...
when u smile i m super happy,
grining frm one side to the other.
u sad, my heart ache alot!
however thanks alot for teaching me to be responsible,
thanks alot for the 'lecture'/'care'/'concern'.
thanks alot for telling me that baoli and argue do not work everywhere?
im super shock by this sentence can!
since when did i said that uh?
what prompt you to said that?
thanks alot for not lecturing me.telling me.teaching me.or correcting me.
not wanting me to debate for everything, must think of factor
and reasons why others do that.
but did i debate with you?
although i might debate with others, but not that day in the car right?
hahah! but i still must say that i cried upon seeing the msges.
i didnt act okay!
it teared on its own!
even when u apologised, i cried too.
maybe im touched? cause i didnt expect u to.
ahahahahah. im so silly.
or maybe i was too sensitive with what u say.
since u said u didnt mean anything,
not saying i did anything wrong.
okay then, by then i've simmer down already ;D
but i couldnt bring myself to reply u,
though i wanted badly.
because i scared it turn out to be a quarrel
and i dont want things to turn out awkward.
but ily, i want the best moment to be with u?
haha. its indescribable by words.
its the feel u know?
then on tues, we didnt talk.
i cried alot of time.
because of the msges,
i cried more than 10 times.
or ard there?
im not that sure too.
but so long ever since i cried like that!
cause u r important to me.
i remember getting down the car,
i forgotten did u look at me?
but i rmb is cause i think u looked at me
then i left angrily.
cause i was still upset.
i cried when i saw the msg.
i cried when i was brushing my teeth.
i cried when i woke up in the morning.
i cried on my way to sch, in the car.
i cried when i saw eraine.
cause i couldnt controll anymore.
i cried when it was assembly.
i walked in with a black face to the hall.
i was like a rotten person on mon and ytd.
i watched the TV as though im dead.
i was like restless in school, during class.
whenever i lied down on the table,
it hinted to you that i was crying.
i wanted you to say sorry personally verbally.
not thru msg or what.
then last night,
when i checked my hp, i thought it was yc.
then it was u! i was shocked.
i thought someone tipped u off.
haha. but i hope no one did.
cause mon i was sad, i talked to litiang on hp.
and u did apologise tt night.
then ytd i was msging yc abt this matter?
then u msged me again.
shock shock shock shock totally shock!
but still i restrain from msging u,
cause i dont want u to know how hurt i felt,
i dont wanna be emotional infront of u,
i dont wanna u to know how much ily.
and then u said if im still thinking why u said that on mon,
it's nothing.
u meant u dont mean saying sry?
u meant u did not want me to know about the reason for the prom?
u meant u just treated me like anyone else?
oh gosh! i then dont believe neh.
cause i know....................................
then today, i was wondering.
if we dont talk what will happen?
i dont wanna us to drift instead i want us to be closer ;D
cause ily, iny, and imy every moment.
i then dont believe u dont know! cause mdm lye knew it.
oh yeah, then today i was wondering.
u msged me four time and i reply the 1st msg only.
so i thought that i would be petty to not forgive u?
and so i realised i wanted u to know how i feel.
so i go ahead with that msg.
but i expected a msg.
i actually didnt want to talk to u,
i wanna ignored u,
to test and see if u will msged me tonight.
but somehow im afraid u wouldnt and that would only sadden me.
and by then i think i would be petty in ur heart.
actually i know i cant stand not talking to u, not msging u.
cause we always talk in class though it aint alot but its fine.
i was sad that i bellieve because of that msg that i ignored u.
and then thats why u sat one table away frm mi D;
but i hope next time no more alrdy.
today also like that, cause we 'patch' only during mt.
it was why i took ur pencil case to take the pen i needed.
cause thats we.
we should be like that de. we should!
and then it was maths, then physic, then geog and cme.
and had maths supp.
if only th seat beside me was empty.
i would get u to sit there, accompany me.
and so, that marked the over of our misunderstanding!
because i believe i misunderstand ur msg thinking u lectured me
and i wanted an ans to my concern and nt the reason.
i meant i also wanna know the reason larh.
but i so concern abt u then u never talk abt it at all.
then jumped to the reason.
i will scare de leh.
so feel hurt marh, and i believe my mum saw me crying.
and she was so gd to leave me alone in the living room.
but im still glad that u remember to tell me th reason,
which make me feel that im important?
make me feel that im not being ignored by u?
make me feel that at least u bother to tell me. ;DDD
because of that, i had mild gastric on that day.
and on tues i couldnt get myself to chew after recess,
so i was in pain for more than 10 hours and without food for more than 10 hours.
and when i was on my way home frm class and sch, i nearly fainted.
really nearly fainted.
and then i surrendered and ate.
but the pain is still there.
up to now.
from mild to severe and alittle only.
however theres too much acid alrdy in my stomach.
i've been feeling wanting to vomit up to now.
the feeling is so miserable.
maybe im not going school tmr,
but maybe i will cause i wanna c u badly.
im still happy that i said sry to u,
cause u said that to me.
and i felt that if im not tt senstive, all this wouldnt happen.
i dont want to be like others, where only one keep giving in
and the other dont give a damn and just keep pushing the limit ;D

its 8:26 pm now.
i took 1 hour and 24 mins to type this.
this prove how much this post meant to me.

Labels: ily.imy.iny.