My dear Tan, W Tan, when can you f get outta my life.
Pestering me just like a bee flying around a flower?
LOL! I wanna say just get the f-in f outta my life.
I dont wanna quarrel with anyone because of you!
Nor do I wanna quarrel with you; you know I dont wish for a fight.
So do you need me to call you up and said...
PLEASE F-in GET YOUR EYES ON HTTP://ALWAYS-WLQ.BLOGSPOT.COM
TO SEE HOW MUCH i HATE YOU?

Whats the meaning of this?
SO irony!
I tried to forget you when you appeared.
Let this be the last time, i dont wanna see you anymore.

Labels: Winnie

Sometime when you cherish someone who doesnt cherish you
is more hurtful than you not cherishing him...

Seriously.
When I want you to be with me, be with me. Dont go.
Cause there will be a day where you want me yet I dont want you.
Dont let that regret happen :D
You wouldnt want me to be sad nor do you want me to see you looking sad.

That day, unknowingly I turned back, thinking that you would not turn.
Unexpectedly, you did.

Hoping to dig some truth from your 'diary', instead 'it' defended you.
Leaving me with nothing! No clue at all :(
Maybe I should be sad but happy knowing that afterall I'm loved by you :D

***

Somehow I'm reminded of Pooh.
Wondering if Pooh did turned back to look at my homeland before leaving.
Was any tear shed, like how i did in school?

I missed Pooh so much yet I never told Pooh.
I treasure Pooh alot but Pooh never knew.
I dont dislike Pooh yet somehow I made it seemed so.

I cant cry like a cry baby anymore.
I cant yell and scream as and when I want.
I cant pull you back, kneel and plead you to stay.
I cant do all this! I can only dream and imagine!

Seriously, I hope for 2 months holiday to arrive.
By then, I will really used these 2 months fully.

Labels: Boy., Winnie

Dont bother to read this post.

Sorry, is not easy to be said out easily. To me at least.
However daddy has been saying that im in the wrong to express my anger towards you infront of you mum.
Wrong? Yes.
But i've that we should not hide our true self from others.
We should not lie! Even if its white lie!
We should not act/lie just because we dont wish to hurt others.
IF not we will be the one getting internally hurt, which is not good!
Expressing anger is a good way to destress. :D
Yeah right, i didnt give into consideration about your feelings?
I did! Its you who didnt!
You didnt!
Your msg can only touch and hurt me!!!!!!!
HURT! H-U-R-T!
If you're angry with me, dislike me.
Then so be it!
I dont give a f damn about it :D
At least i show my true feeling thou i may regret :)
But you gotta know, in my heart you're still the old you.
Despite you've change.
But at least not infront of me larh.

p/s : Oh jeez, stop acting as thou you guys as my friends, care about me.
I know who care, who doesnt. Fake acters, Disgust me.

Labels: Winnie

I wanted to tell you to not look me up anymore.
Every in s'pore, this few years i meant, every visit hurts me.
Now, even when i wanted to tell you to end everything.
I can take it that i dont know you, even though i dont wish to.
I wanted to stop this misery.
I wanted to tell you to let me go from it.
Leave me, is enough!
Yet, i'm not even given the chance to say that.
How cruel can you be?
I really wish to tell you this.
______, this is how i feels... :(
The msg you sent me in the morning, i cried immediately.
Did you?!
Have you forgotten how i cried everytime i leave you.
And then you will tell me that you cried after i left.
I can remember, up to now im still crying because of this.
You told me that you wanna study in s'pore.
And wanna stay my house.
I love it but the expenses and everyt that my dad has to spend?(its a rhetorical Q)
Never once did you not make me cry nor smile.
Its easy, I see you, im happy.
I see your back, i cry.

This time, i cried in school.
No one for me to confide into, no one to let me hug tightly and hide my tears.
Last night I cried because im not happy with you.
Daddy told me something but i didnt learn anything.
I can never let you go off my life.
But eventually, you will leave.
Or i will leave you.
One day, my b. will replace you.
Thou i dont wish to.

I was happy about you visiting me.
But not happy when im not the first person you visit, but instead you went JB.

All i could say is...
Have you ever spare a thought for me?
I kept saying I dont freaking give a damn, its not my prob to your mum.
Did your mum even told you how fed up i was.
Go larh, go away from me.
You stab me once and once and once again.
When will you stopp stabbing.
Last time was your exams as an excuse not to be able to visit me.
Though i understand the real reason behind it.
NOW!
Now you sad you're having spm during nov.
How can i believe you after all the lies made?
I dont care if its black or white lies.
The msg you send. You said during dec you will accomany me again.
Seriously! Kim what, you comfirm go find him.
If not because i have school that would be better.
While shopping with me, you asked me to ask your friend and kim down.
Have you ever wonder how sad i am?
Its akin to having you physically with me but mentally with them.
Fuck you man.
I have never use this word on you.
I dont say it randomly until im that fed up.

I told we could have a heart-to-heart talk last night.
Camwhore was what i wanna do with you on the MRT, but dont dare.
So thought when back home then camwhore.
You didnt give me the chance.
I thought we could spend our last moment together, sleeping side by side, cuddling.
Chatting too.
Seeing you sleeping is good enough.
I thought you would call me automatically.
But in the end i instructed my mum to told you to msg me.
To play it safe enough. Somehow i knew that you will, but i wouldnt give it a risk for you hurt me but not contacting.
That msg, that very msg is as impt as b. msg to me.
You didnt reply me when i told you that it wouldnt be possible for you to acc me when you're with me during dec.
Cause.. cause Kim is the obstacle.
Im not expressing how much i hate Kim, cause he is a good guy, i know :D
Just that among all of us, you spend the least time with me cause im furthest from you :(
So, why cant you spend all your time with me when you're near me.

Not until one day i die, then you regret, crying.
Seriously i got to say that i still cant accept the fact of my knees.
No one knows how it is like.
What it is like and whether its okay or not.

To think liting say my knee will be fine, when i said once and once again!
ONCE AND ONCE AGAIN that it will never recover fully.
Why did you bother to say :( Why?!
Why did you ask me to play volleyball today?!
DONT YOU KNOW I CANT!
AND IM TRYING TO STOP MY ADDICTION!
i cant play volleyball not because i cant run! only.
its because when we play, we comfirm must bend knee to hit the ball.
im not allow to even bend my knee.
since when playing volleyball we bend then hit, the pressure exerted is that much.
Dont say you fail your science.
I FEEL SO BAD TO NOT LISTEN TO MY PARENTS TO NOT PLAY.
BLOODY FUCKING ARSEHOLE. is the word i wanna say.
(p/s : liting, dont misunderstand me okay. im just very angry when typing this post!)

Bloody motherfucking you guys.
All leave! Leave i say!
I only need lixuan, millie, eunice. and maybe b.
Since b. just now treated me like that, which is nothing but i dont like.
okay larh, b. cares alot for me deep in the heart when my knees became an arsehole.
Dont ask what about ____?
Family support is what i need during this period of time.
So friend, yes this particular friend.
Dont act machiam you know me alot okay.

Now im freaking fed up and not sad, so i think the post wouldnt be that emotional enough or touching.
In school, i cried at the wrong time?
Cause he wasnt around?
Ehh no!
Before going hall he caught me crying. Ohh yeah.

Oh no, im crying.
hurting that much.
I realised that words can never describe how i feels,
since i typed a real long post.

If only b. is here. i will want to hold onto him tightly.
he is the only pillar that i can really lean onto.
but somehow with this pillar i dont feel sad that much.
i cant bring myself to cry profusely infront of him.
i cant only show the sad face but crying deep down inside.

Seriously, lesson learnt.
Jealousy can kill one.
Hoping for a better day tomorrow in school.
And spending more time with b. too :D

Labels: DFsis, Winnie