Love is understanding, acceptance, and tenderness. If it tries to strangle and possess, it is not love

I freaking cutxzcx my hair, not cause i was determined to get a new life but a new look. Imma not ready for a new life till after chinese new year but i dont want to disappoint darling :(

Like seriously, school was waste of my time and i was feeling sleepy throughout that i kept wanting to sleep during assembly which freaking wasted 30mins or rather an hours of my precious time! And i was an hour late for my appt for ipl? Lucky there wasnt much people and after that i totally felt so shiok cause somehow im on the right track to the right life and i went for a haircut. Didnt look for Richard alr! Got another guy, super flirt, sweet talk and really his hand hor, must keep to himself. -.- But overall he not bad larh, super sweet lorh, hahahahhas, then he super gien one, want try this and that hairstyle so its like it became not as simple as what we designed it to be. Quite a bold hairstyle for the fringe but the back was simply simple. Hahahhahas, super bored de him started to request to style for me. Dumb larh, i was wearing super unglam cause near my house marh, then ended up the hair dont go with the attire. Lucky, no one familar saw me in that hairstyle, too wild for school alr. Hehehhehes.

Anyway, i was punctual for school when that dumb Choy got me to stand at the back of the hall, nice one :) Hahahhahahahhas, dumb larh, but what's more dumb is to see some disgusting people, i mean to see a disgusting person. Hahahhahahahs, but being that punctual does bring me joy too, cause i get to see someone early in the morning what! Hahahahhahahs, then i was wondering if i never lend my tie to Janniza, will late or not ah? But I think i too irresistable for Choy to not catch me. And the dumb Razak say i never button my shirt, please larh, i not so horrible to not button the last button larh, so ugly nor would i be so open or daring to not button all the way, if not i think i can die if i does that in school larh. Stupid dog.

Next is the world class airport larh, now even T is also not happy lorh, seriously. I can make the whole world hate that bitchxzcxx esp when she is so not likeable alr plus today still purposely act so sweet with him during assembly right infront of laoniang leh!

I have not done any homework yet and imma waiting fo rmy dumb hair to dry larh, who ask the stylist go style style style, all the wax and hairspray super extra, if not tmr go sch hair cfm curly like hell, which i think many would find me super weird larh. But fringe is very short and im the first for the hairstylist to cut that hairstyle for the fringe :) Who ask him always cut the 'W' shape de but mine is almost can say it's slant.

Imma superb tired yet im still busy entertaining Mocha! (You btr see this hor, i really wei le you nv offline!)

So imma done with 2 stuffs outta everyt that i shld be doing for cny. I havent even prepare the gifts! Spells d-i-e!

Imma so worried. So scare, fearful.

I didnt expect to be crying like shitzxzcxzx when i see thsoe photos last night. Then I was super tired after whole day out but i was so scare of sleep because i expected an nightmare. I had a real sweet dream of me and him but when i woke up, its the same feeling of fear. I knew it would never happen and those sweet moment is impossible. So fearful, so afraid, that thinking back can cry one.

Went for taichi in the morning, i was early okay! By 15mins somemore, something to be proud of but dad drove me there -.- Went to Teban for brunch - roasted duck. Near CSS. Anyway, tuition was cancelled.

Kinda worried for today that i nearly rushed home to wanna use the laptop or look for someone. Damn, why am i so worried. Prolly cause I've been thru and somehow somewhat, its really saddening to be so confused.

I sdtill believe that promise are never true, they are meant to be broken :( Why dont people have the thinking that they should only promise one if its to their capability. Indeed promise is a lie, but it can also motivate one.

Maybe after some thinking, 'consolling' my friend, i saw the picture. Maybe, its somewhat like my situation so i saw it. How worthy? Its not worthy for me to give up esp when im not able to do it. Therefore, i will never promise that i will be giving up. I dont like how i dont dare to trust others because of fearing of being lied to. Why aint everyone trustful? Why people tend to make empty promise.

Wanting to end abruptly here. Rather do my nails and go msia to get that pair of shoe later, and i must shop whole day tmr!

I'll be lying if i said i didnt cry at all today :'(

Even Ethan's cheerfulness didnt cheer me up. Wth? I so long never see him, he now dont want stick to me already! Hmpf! But I really quite high today already. But when I saw those photos I couldnt help but to cry. I decided to give up, which in the end i will not :)

Let me go into details today. I freaking slept at 1am, and dont know which idiot ask me online ended up dozing off before me, causing me to sleep late. Piss no. 1. Then I went to bed right before my parents came back cause i couldnt be bothered to wait for them alreadyyyy.

I freaking got woken up by Mummy at 7! What the hell? Weekday early wake up, now my sat which i can wake up at 11, also need to be sacrificed. I didnt pon the course today :) but the whole world was waiting for me cause i didnt ran after my bus :) Dumb lorh. Then to Singapore Discovery Centre (SDC) :) So people who kept accusing me for not going to class outing, should stop doing that. & those who are angry with me for not meeting up with them today should stop being angry cause i've got a reunion dinner.

We had break at 10 to 1030 and 2 to 230pm. In which from 12 to 1 we had our lunch, and Mrs Kwok treated us to Sarpino's. She was being real kind today, and i got my first packet of mint choco of the year :) Which i think i ate a quarter of the packet -.-  Fat! Okay, i was really high that i said many ridiculous thing. When lunching, i was saying Dave is my boyf and Mrs Kwok didnt give him a single face and asked me to choose someone better! Hehes! I went around playing with the cane during the second break and laughed like mad. The sec 3 guys were thinking that i was a mental retard? I jitao hit the cane onto the table and shout at them. I was crazy! &&& I think Melissa today very kind lorh, cause we never talk at all since we dont know each other but now i find her as friendly as Louis :) I was even more rude to Keith and Alex. I really think that Alex is a nice name but not for those people, cause its my dad's name.

Wth? HE CAN REALLY PISS ME OFF! & Fangfang say i was toooooooo obvious. Wayyyy toooooooooo obvioussssssssss to showing my displease with him, but i dont like attention seeker or people who acts that they know me. Even fangfang started to fear him when he kept getting close to him. Just give him a kick larh. I know his moustache really disgust alot of girlssssss :X Imma veryyyyy rudeeeeeeee, so what can u do to me? Slap me arh? Let me tell you, i got no face one, im not the past me anymore. Hensen was worse, keep saying i crazy, awhile laugh like hell, awhile emo, awhile angry etc. I was kept occupied with my hp today, but it nearly died on me. Lucky it didnt!

Let me continue nagging about that dumb guy. Then when i started taking photo with Dave during lunch when we went to 365tibits, he came and popped his face, damn it larh. Disgust me! Its like I and Dave, then one sooooooooo extraaaaaaaa came in. While walking back to room etc, also like that. Very pissing de larh. Keith was okay, just that he does thing way toooooooo much but he is kind de :)

Its not i biased okay, i was super fair and i observe again, the Alex can piss me further if he say 'hi, liqing.' once more, seriously he make me wanna slap him1 But i wouldnt make my nice small cute hand to be filthy, like i got nothing to do.

Today's course, i learn precisely nothing. *skips* I blame myself for not bring a digital camera to take photos today! Then what was more pissing was that dad reached home and i told him to come fetch me at huayi then he reached and waited for 10mins, i told him to go home and i told him to go grandma's house first and i was supposed to cab to redhill ended up to tiong :) If Mrs Kwok didnt went tiong then i prolly ended up in redhill and mrt-ed to town to meet Mocha already. Many asked me out today, and i promise Fangfang saw how pissed i was, cause i was too greedy and i wanted to gek someone. Walked to tiong, still tempted to meet Mocha leh, but that time i was very feverish -.- Dumb, now the fever is gone already. [freaking pissed until crying now. wth?]

I was so glad that no one reprimanded me or rather nagged over my sch uniform cause their kids grown up then wear until like that, already cant say me, i mean they understand alr. But it was really pissful to wear school uni to grandma's house cause i wanted to surprise them with what im going to wear next week -.- Nevermind. So dumb lor, wanted to snip my hair off, then while looking at the jap salon, henry and fanny were in there and quite crowded, so i didnt bother. Then super tempted to go snip, so after dinner, watched tv and when i asked henry about the haircut, i decided to not cut liao. The cost was damn ex for him larh, cause of cny and the increment, aunts were saying dont cut there so i decided not to. Ethan's hair which was like nothing? spent 25 bucks at orchard, i mean if you see his hairstyle is totally nth one larh, mum also know how to cut lorh.

So throughout i was pondering whether to hit town to meet Mocha :( Which eventually i didnt cause Mrs kwok and I dropped off at tiong which i need not take mrt anymore! So abit lazy, plus she ensured that i walked to my grandma's hosue before leaving, so bobian. Reached granny house also tired alr, plus feverish. Imma repeating!

Quite happy cause i talked to some of my cousins :) Fanny and Henry, Kelly and Shannon :) Angel, needless to say, comfirm will talk de. Jacob and Francis is like never will i talk to them. Peipei, hahahs depends. But Fanny kinda piss cause i thought he went to perm his hair! But i admit i super like his hairstyle, super GuJunPyo style worh! Hahahahs, one day must take photo with him :) Ethan didnt even give me goodbye kiss lorh, only when playing ice then play with me. Tmd?

I super feel bad for not meeting Nicholas at IMM and town. Class outing? Hahahhahs, to put in bluntly, it doesnt matter whether i went or not but i think if i went town comfirm meet dao them which someone eventually did. But dont know if someone else was there larh. Okay wait, i think some friends are sooo cute, cause got class outing to town yet some went on their own. Super cute de, thumbs up. :x

Totally regretted for not leaving after reunion dinner for town, super regret when going home didnt went town. So many times that i got the chance to leave but i dont know why i didnt. At least I talked to cousins, at least Geoffrey said that pei family. At least i did think i did the right thing, cause im afraid sth will happen this year. I even talked to cousin-in-law and is he talked to me de!

Okay wait, cause i was wearing my school uniform! Anyway i freaking act CEO, wore 2 CEO badges, super cool de i tell you. Told you alr, during the course i super high, screaming, zihigh. But i admit talking to xiaoqi that one i was v piss and sad though she assured me what i thought is not true? I dont know!

The cut is hurting me larh, dont know who that they say i orbi, thinking i zisa. Dont know who that day never concern me and dad was the most observance one! Now dont know who dont believe me i accidentally hit dao the cut again -.-

Is my emotions that unstable? I guess so. Imma left with 7 more days. I dont wanna break the promise i made to bestie. I promise I will cheer up and not emo anymore but imma crying everyday, imma crying over the pictures!

f you fill your heart with regrets of yesterday and the worries of tomorrow, you have no today to be thankful for.

See my chio tweety plaster? Dad gave it to me :*
If only someone could get me more chio plasters :)
While typing this, Imma on the verge of crying, tears rolling out in seconds time.

Can I ask you guys to not mention how much your moments are? I seriously dont know what is wrong with me today and this week! I got so many sweet moments but imma always writing how sad imma.

I was so determined to quit tuition just now. Cause Millie told me something and i guess i was too jealous of them already. Somehow I felt that he lied to me! I was real angry, sad and piss. I ended up being so weakling unable to punch the target. Anyway, i walked to court from MRT, the route without louis and qinjiang make it so creepy. I was so piss that i kept thinking of sparring with chunfong and punch with all my force. In the end, he knew i was very unhappy and he allowed me to use the target and continously hit his abdomen, seriously i felt so bad but he ensured me that it was to allow him to train his muscle or whatsoever. Kind of him but it didnt help me alot, just a single bit. I hate how he can affects me larh, that cause chunfong to be my punching bag like that! Thinking back, chunfong really did tried to cheer me up. Then I didnt accompany Hanwei to the bustop because i needed my laptop desperately! Yeah for msn -.-

Now, imma suppose to sleep early cause i gotta go singapore discovery centre at 830, reaching hyss at 815. Whats worse is to go to grandma house in sch uni for reunion dinner, yeap in advance. I comfirm kena criticised until useless zhabor one. Whats with my sch uni attire, when imma alr dressed prefect for sch. Some people just like to picks on my dad's girl -.- & my parents aint back from their 'date', dumb, so late alr! No one to off my lights and see me to bed -.- I havent even inform them what to do tomorrow. To pick me up from sch or what? Not a single bit of information told to them! :@

I hate how you can affect me sooo much that I can d-i-e.
Now Imma wondering to go school on Mon or not?!

Soon I be so crazy to say i love guailan boy. Forget it, now im super piss. Dont know is feeling being make used or cuase of my finger bleed. Its hurting me so much then i screamed @^^@% times already. After CCA, went to chat with Peirong then vb match then did homework. Guai me right? But i guess its cause messaging therefore my finger is still hurting soooo muchhh that i cant take it. Super piss okay! I havent dont my tuition homework.

Imma still missing you. Now I believe absence make the heart fonder despite last time absence make my mind blank. Cause i totally forgotten about everything!

Quite excited for the weekends!

Am I really jealous? Why in the hell am i so jealous and flaring up?! What am i doing?! Have some limit please, dumb me!  Can you just treat me better, and lets not dao each other anymore?

Anyway the most pissing thing of the day, who on earth would be so stupid than a mental retard to actually not know that a one word reply is alr a very dao action of mine alr? I would not be as bad as what my friends taught me to do but i will continue acting as the baddie. Say whatever you want, cause i dont mind. In fact, you aint even worth a toy to me :) Can I say, that i hope for no one to anyhow malign me and think that imma talking about you.

Now I got Yeesan, Yuting and Xinyi to agree that Taylor Swift is chio.
I think i still prefer being angmoh norh! In com lab now and imma having difficulty typing thanks to my cut finger! :@

Super high esp during physic at the lab talking abt breast implant. I've been talking about boobs twice in 24h alrd! Hehehehehehs. Admit today was super sad. Esp when texts came coming in... Imma still angry okay, i must still resist talking! Though Imma giving in liao. :@ Piss Piss Piss! Not sure going tuition not, cause Millie's mummy say the tutor not good -.- Sian lorh. No shuai ge one, always text all the way and now my current homework i dont even know how to do. Dumb tutor! I must tahan kay! I really hope someone can be my helper to actually break someon's heart :D

Thanks Mocha for the recommendation for this song :x
Imma mad crazy over Taylor Swift, irresistable.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you’ve ever had.

That's you! LX<3! Now Imma wondering should i do any stuff for friendship day? So cute right, friendship day... :x

ahahhahahas, the girl who caused me to get misunderstanding from others. I like how you maintain your world class airport. I freaking hate you :( Sad to say, but your airport is maintained so perfect that imma not jealous at all :x (Hahahhahahahhas, im super high. Thanks to Mocha larh :) )

My handphone is really pissing me off so much that i wanna smash it or off it!

Say that my msn font is chio dao super chio liao, including my dp! Ohhhhhh mannnn, Immmmmaaaaa toooo zihigh liao!

Hahahahahhahahahas, im crazy alr. Sad lorh, go back school then someone saw me never talk to me. So many days alr. I very sad. The talk was mad boring, texting all the way, but the reply didnt kept me entertained :@ And its like 45 mins only, still say 2h, waste my time, if not i wouldnt go larh! Alot people pon norh :@ Im so boreddddd... Nah, i can make myself super high now. Okay, shall stop being lame just to to keep myself entertain to forget all the sadness!

Should i go school on mon? :)

I <3 you :S

Suddenly i was thinking, if i went school early, where would i have gone to?

Taylor Swift is mad chio and this MV is so fantasy. :)
It has been 1 week already and Imma still ranting the same old thing to T. I still dont find it my fault larh, esp when you been through what i been through last thursday and understand what i meant on my blog norh. I mean its like, i don thave a wide range of vocabs so you cant blame me if i express myself wrongly. However, i think it only matters how i think of myself, as long as i dont find myself in fault can already.

Expected, i'm still concern about the same old person and same old thing. Xiaoxiong was so cute today! Hahahhas, thanks to that he got himself speechless cause Mdm Lye mentioned 'Zihui', who asked him, wanna say i got angry cause he snatched A away Dumb larh.

Super zihigh today! At least i listen to high-er songs than those emo one. I never cry today kay, so i think i deserve a stick of pocky for not crying and i got myself 4 sticks of pocky because imma so smart yesterday :) All I can remember was PE, dumb! Now Nicholas Soo shall auto pass me vb everytime imma around, but i also dont dare play norh. Thinking back, dont know why my ankle hurts so much. But Imma so high now that i wanna dance! Hahahahhahahas, i shall be super open today! A little regret of going home but lucky got T to pei me chat online, if not i guess i would be in school lib studying with Adrain and co. unless someone was daring enough to ask me pei him, i shy marh :) Seriously, i find my life dont revolve around people who likes me norh, and i super like that. Its about time to post in mandrin once i have the time to on the other laptop of my, if not the ranting would never stop!

I miss Darius.
I miss Hughes.
I miss Junren.
I miss Weiliang.
I miss Junwei.
I miss Junyong.
I miss Linyan.
I miss Cheowyi.

Should have meet up with them now and like go school after the meet up or meet up with Shannon but i thought of napping at home and i ended up onlin-ing.

Seriously, you're right. There're many stuffs in my mind. Useless stuffs~

I miss you. Tell me what i should be doing to forget you.

I need you by my stand, do continue to be by my stand please, despite whatever obstacles that i, you or we need to overcome. :(

I won't leave you de.

How possible is it to not leave? Everyone is leaving me already. Be it he, she, him, her, they, it or you. Everyone is leaving me. In the past, a kindergarten pupil crying in the middle of the night fearing that her parents will abandon her. & now the same thoughts is back. How many friends can possibly stay by my side, esp when i have got such an arse attitude, when i just played, ignored or what as long as there is an opportunity to hurt someone. Worse of all, i find it right to say that im inflicting pain onto a 3rd party when someone just hurts me alot, which is so wrong! So glad that someone did tell me that because if not i would have gone and hurt someone else norh but now i think ignoring is even worse, who ask me? I find the problem myself de, just stand firm on my stand shld be fine? Lixuan never spot check me alr! & Imma back to my old self, maybe cause i forgotten about it? But the wrist seriously looks horrible with all the pokes and lines. Eww. Without her, can i still be so cheerful? Someone who could know what i want without even telling her. Without her, is it possible to continue not inflicting any pain? 'Lucky' is totally making me wanna cry again! I dont know how many timeszxc i cried today already lorh, to think i still tell sister that i wouldnt cry.

Whats worse is that i dreamt the sweetest dream ever but i ended up getting so heartache when i woke up from my nap cause i knew it would never happen esp when the situation is like that alr! Yeap, say i deserve it or what. What i feel bad the most is wronging a person and i even attitude Nicholas today when he was being so kind to me today! How dumb can i be?! And it is like there is an Amaths test today, comfirm fail, break record alr! First failure of the month :( I could hardly laugh or smile today. But B. joke during physic still make me smile, i think what i say is right. No matter how emo a person is, a laughable joke can still make someone laughed. Xiaoxiong and Chonghan was even dumber! China man was able to solve physic question worh, smart. But the other guy was worse, density = 1? If oil is 1g/cm cube then water is 1.5g/cm cube liao lorh. So dumb one... But it was real dumb today, cause despite all the sad sad sad sad things, the dumbest thing on earth can make me laugh. Indeed after laughing, i wanna cry but at least i smiled :) Its like i totally cant talk today, super weak after last night's happening. Also dont know why the wrist hurts so much, then cant talk. Morning also didnt talk much, maybe that explains why Imma even more sad?

Always put yourself in others’ shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.

Ask yourself, do you know how hurtful it was for me? Pen knife shouldnt even have appeared anymore!
 
Today was shuang dao... Though alot of sad sad moment, but at least i took the same bus as Sihan and Imma early! No SC at the gate when i reached kay, but dont know tomorrow how. Hatezxcc thursdayzcxz. Still gotta go home late tomorrow. Next, its Mrs Choy's heel. Next time whenever i hear the same sound, i comfirm run away alr. Suddenly come in class, still talk to me regarding what we were doing. Then when she walked off, i went texting and she came back again. Dumb, i jitao chuatio norh. & I dropped my phone twice already for today only leh! Dumb dumb dumb! Whenever i think of physic supp i really wanna smile, cause it was too dumb to be funny :) Hmm, i even attended today's cca meeting despite having to go after supp and i was late for supp thanks to it also. Good girl right? Suddenly, thought of Adrain that leads to Dawn. Somehow, Dawn super understand me esp when it comes to the common topic. :x
 
Should like stop entertaining myself through blogging despite my handphone stop ringing already! Hehes, to think i was so relunctant to charge it cause i want it to be by my side. & looking at my handphone every moment for the light to light up to signal that there is a text :x Should just dump my handphone lorh.
 
p/s : Can we be like the past? Is it really my fault? But Im like really v sad over it lorh.
 
Is impossible to ignore everything about you because today's action told me that i cant help but to spare a thought for you, worrying about you, wondering how you affected me but does it even bothers you? :(

My wrist hurts so...

:(

:'(

:''(